No Movies?

You may have heard or read that the DVD industry is often what keeps Hollywood afloat, and indeed, it is a rare movie these days that doesn't make a profit. If it tanks in the cinema, the DVD sales and rentals make up the difference.

According to National Public Radio, Hollywood is all about "windows." The theatrical release window, the DVD release window, the premium cable channel and Internet window ... during each of these windows, movie studios are raking in cash from us, the consumers, eager to see these flights of fancy and often, to see them again later. And each time we pay.

Now, however, with everything "streaming" through both your computer and your cable/satellite television links, the DVD is in danger of becoming obsolete. In fact, Hollywood is already anticipating this and has asked the FCC for permission to disable certain parts of your television when their movie is selected, so you can't dub illegal copies once they begin streaming original premiere content direct to the small screen. At least not easily.

So if you're planning on investing in a new DVD player this Christmas, maybe you'd better think twice.

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WHAT IF MOVIES HAD NEVER BEEN INVENTED?

Alfred Hitchcock would be a mystery novelist.

Blockbuster would be a demolition company.

Blu-Ray discs would show ultra-clear video of Richard Simmons' workouts.

Your blind date this weekend would be dinner and a barn-raising.

"And the Academy Award for best Flipbook goes to ... Flixar!"

Your waiter would be that nice, quiet, Spielberg boy.

Paparazzi would be hounding puppeteers.

"This Summer at the Globe Theatre ... Taming of the Shrew III: Revenge of the Shrew!"

Tom Cruise arrested for breaking into homes and jumping on sofas.

Russell Crowe's ego would only be five times normal size.

France would be forced to idolize Huey Lewis.

[Chris White's Top Five on Movies; a few edits and rewrites by Mark Raymond]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission, and the babysitter were worth it." (Alfred Hitchcock)

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