Bad Seats

It's my annual fantasy baseball weekend, where two of my three teams will hold their all day drafts and auctions. This year I'm pretty much flying by the seat of my pants as I haven't had time to do my usual player research, so we'll see how much baseball lore and knowledge I've soaked up over the years. Should be fun!

+++

SIGNS YOU'VE GOT LOUSY SEATS AT THAT SPORTING EVENT

The guy selling concessions in your section is a Sherpa.

The Goodyear blimp keeps blocking your view.

You got there early, but by the time you reach your seat, the rest of the crowd is doing the seventh inning stretch.

You hear the crack of the bat just as you see the batter rounding second base.

You'd call your buddy behind home plate to see how he's doing but when you got to your section your phone went into Roaming.

Your view is so obstructed your tickets came with a pocket radio so you could listen to the game.

"Supplemental oxygen! Git yer ice cold, supplemental oxygen right here!"

[Chris White's Top Five on Sports with edits and additions by Mark Raymond]

+++

WEBSITE of the WEEK: As the parent of a teenage driver whose cell phone is never far from her hand, I'm loving http://www.zapmytext.com/. The cost is $4.99 per month ($49.99 if you pay annually, saving ten bucks), but if that child's phone is moving faster than 10 miles per hour, the application will block all texts, e-mails, and Internet browsing. You can add "safe" phone numbers for them to contact, and they can still call 911, and there are plans to add up to three phones if you have more than one child.

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle (just 99¢. A month.) and arrives via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761

Not the Rules

Well, my daughter finally starts her driver training Segment I class on Monday. So now would be a good time to make sure your insurance premiums are paid up.

Oh, it's all right. She said I could say that.

+++

DESPITE WHAT YOU SEE, THESE ARE *NOT* THE RULES OF THE ROAD

Turn signals will give away your next move. Never use them to maintain the element of surprise.

Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you. This space will just be filled in by another car, creating a hazard, and you'll have to slow down to create another safe space, which will be filled in by another car and you'll have to slow down again and you will NEVER reach your destination on time.

Crossing more than one lane at a time marks you as an expert driver and feels dangerously cool.

The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of being hit.

Never get in the way of an older model car that needs extensive body work.

Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible, forcing the anti-lock brake system to kick in so the pulsating brake pedal will give you a foot massage. If you don't have ABS, it's an opportunity to stretch your leg nicely.

Electronic traffic warning signs are only there to distract you from the nearby police car clocking you on radar. Pay them no attention.

Speed limits are only suggestions and are to be ignored during rush hour.

Throwing litter on the roads adds a touch of color to the landscape and keeps Adopt-A-Highway teams and minimum security prisoners occupied.

It is assumed that police cars traveling at a high speed - especially with their sirens on - may be followed safely, allowing you to make up for time lost by constantly slowing down to achieve a safe zone between you and the car in front of you.

Heavy fog, snow, wind, or rain make no difference to the above rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring employment for auto body shops, junkyards, and car salespeople.

[selected from joke email.com with heavy edits and additional material by Mark Raymond]

+++

WEBSITE of the WEEK: So, yeah. While I'm proud "my little girl" has reached this milestone in her life, I am also, as a father, terrified for her safety. Each day eleven teenagers are killed on America's roads. http://www.facebook.com/save11 is set up to gather support for the STANDUP act, which is an acronym for "Safe Teen And Novice Driver Uniform Protection" which would require states to pass and enforce minimum standards for graduated driver licensing programs. If your Congressperson isn't signed on to sponsor this Act, use the site tools to encourage them. Allstate Insurance is the corporate sponsor for the site, in the interest of full disclosure.

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Two Different Things

I've been helping out our local swim team with their computer during meets (tonight was a meet) and between that, my daily walk and my little bit of napping, the day has slipped away.

So just the joke again today. Sorries!

+++

A teenage boy was playing some basketball in the family driveway one evening, when he stopped and came in the house. Turns out he had lost a contact lens. After a fruitless search, he told his mother it was nowhere to be found.

Undaunted, Mom went back outside and returned a short time later, contact lens on her fingertip.

"How did you find it, Mom?" the teenager queries.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," Mom replies. "You were looking for a very small piece of clear plastic. I was looking for $150."


[with thanks to Randy Walker's Clean Humor Email List]

+++

WORDS FOR YOUR WEEK: "You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." (Franklin P. Jones)

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Teen Hunger

As part of my latest attempt to take off a few pounds, I've been walking daily with my wife. We're up to a mile a day.

It has given us the courage to sign up for the annual CROP Walk, which is one of the main fundraisers for the work Church World Service does to provide hunger relief both locally and around the globe.

So, yeah, I'm looking for sponsors (read: donors). My goal is to raise $150. You can help me - and, by extension - a whole bunch of other hungry people - right here.

+++

During my last outing with friends, the subject of teenagers came up, and how they were always grazing and hungry. Most agreed that teenagers would generally eat anything, anywhere, as long as it was free. Some in the group expressed concern that with such eating habits, it was hard to tell when a teenager was *actually* hungry and when was the right time to feed them well.

Then one parental veteran - who had raised six kids - told us of his method for determining how hungry a teen truly was.

"I hold up a piece of cold broccoli ... if they start jumping and snapping at it, I figured they were hungry enough to be fed."

[first seen in Joe's Clean Laffs]

+++

WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh." (Luke 6:21)

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Pierced

Today is Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement.

It's also my daughter's Sweet Sixteenth birthday. I don't think the two are related.

That's her over there, by the way. My, how she's grown. And yes, her hair has green streaks. Your monitor is not going on the fritz.

At least she has nothing pierced ... yet.

+++

SIGNS YOUR TEEN HAS TOO MANY PIERCINGS

He gets satellite radio for free by tilting his head and looking south.

Her morning makeup routine doesn't require much in the way of foundation, but calls for a lot of silver polish and a burnishing cloth.

While swimming in the local lake, he caught four bass and a water snake.

The school was putting on "The Wizard of Oz" and your son was given the part of The Tin Woodsman. He didn't need the costume.

When the wind is blowing just right, she can whistle show tunes through her navel.

None of his friends will come over during a thunderstorm.

She trips over her earlobe.

You realize the best way to keep her in the house is by installing a giant magnet.

His friends have to yell to be heard over the noise when they walk next to him.

When she laughs, milk squirts out her nose ... and her eyebrow ... and her lips.

[selected from Chris White's Top Five on Parenting; edits and additions by Mark Raymond]

+++

WEBSITE of the WEEK: Well, it's not a regular day for a post so I'll feature it here. Sunday is International Talk Like A Pirate Day and you can read up on all things Pirate-y with "Ol' Chumbucket and Cap'n Slappy" at http://www.talklikeapirate.com/. If you use Facebook, scroll to the bottom of the page, click "English" (or whatever language you use) then click the drop down arrow next to the word "English" and then select "English (Pirate)" and watch amazing things happen to your status updates.

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

I.R.S. Letter

ADMINISTRIVIA: You may remember that coming off my sabbatical this past May, I gave myself permission to just update this blog when things got crazy in my life. Well, through the course of unforeseen and convoluted circumstances, we have three teenage girls in the house this weekend. Doesn't get much crazier. Just remember - if I'm not in your Inbox by 10:00 p.m. EST (please convert to whatever time zone you're in) - check my blog for the update. Or, if you're a friend of Mark's Musings on Facebook (hint, hint), you can get it all through them.

+++

A LETTER TO THE I.R.S.

Dear Sirs,

I am writing you today to respond to your decision denying the deductions on my income tax return. I claimed three dependents; you have denied two of them. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are expensive and often evil. However, since they are minors - and the government is taking on responsibility for them - let me tell you something about what to expect over the next year. For the 2011 tax year, you may apply to reinstate them to my return, providing you return an equal number of deductions to me. For this year, however, they are yours.

The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Just ask her! I suggest you put her to work where she can answer people's questions about taxes. She's had no formal training, but that hasn't seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze.

Next year she is going to college. I think it is wonderful that you're willing to be responsible for that expense. Also, she has a truck. It doesn't run at the moment, so you'll have to appropriate some Health and Human Services budget to fix it, or get up early and drive her to school.

Kristen also has a boyfriend. Ahem. While she appears to possess all the wisdom of the universe, her alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally remind her about the virtues of abstinence ... and, in the face of overwhelming passion, safe sex. These have always been uncomfortable conversations and I'm relieved you'll be handling them in the future.

Patrick is 14. I've long had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a bit too close together, you know? He may be a tax examiner himself one day if you don't incarcerate him first. In June, we were awakened at 3:00 in the morning by the police, bringing Patrick home. He and his friends were caught TP'ing houses. In the future would you like him delivered to our local I.R.S. office or sent directly to Cincinnati, Ohio?

Now, kids at 14 will do almost anything on a dare. So his hair is purple. Temporary dye? No, permanent. He didn't care about the difference. You'll have plenty of time to get used to it because he is sitting out a few days of school for instigating a food fight. In the library. I'll be sure to file your phone number with the school's vice-principal.

One final word: do NOT leave him or any of his friends unsupervised with girls, explosives, anything flammable, inflatable, with wheels or with telephones.

Heather, I'm sure, is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared quite by magic one year. She is 10, going on 21. She must have begun her time travel in the 60s, because she wears tie-dyed clothes, beads, sandals, and keeps her hair in a way that would make Tiny Tim proud.

It's quite obvious we have been terrible parents (just ask the other two), so they have taken it upon themselves to raise this child to a new level of terror. She cannot speak English. Most people under 20 can, indeed, understand the curious patois she fashioned out of combining Valley girl / boys in the hood / reggae / yuppie / political doublespeak, but we cannot. The school sends her to a speech pathologist, who has taught her to roll her "r's." This has had the effect of adding a refreshing Mexican-Irish touch to her voice. She wears her hats backward, her pants baggy, and one of her ears is pierced four more times than the other one.

There is also a fascination with tattoos, which worries me, but I'm sure you can handle it. Bring a truck when you come because she "nests" in her room, and it may be easier to move everything rather than try to figure out what's really in there.

I guess it's only fair that you get to pick which two to take on, but I prefer you take the two youngest. I'll still go bankrupt putting Kristen through college, but then I'm free! If you take the two oldest, I'll have time to get some professional counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If you take the girls, I won't feel so bad about putting Patrick into a military academy.

Please let me know of your decision as soon as possible.

[Humor Over Easy via Yaffa's Coffeehouse; edited by Mark Raymond]

+++

WEBSITE of the WEEK: We've begun Labor Day Weekend, the cultural end of summer here in the States. Our family (and extended teen family) are taking day trips all weekend, to a shoreside favorite getaway on Michigan's East Coast today, a Renaissance Festival tomorrow, and then canoeing on Sunday with my son. But through it all, we've gotta eat. You'll find some helpful recipes for Labor Day and cookout menus at http://bit.ly/bmrG96.

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptionsare free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Mindset List 2014

Next week my daughter has orientation for her junior year of high school. This week the folks at Beloit College in Wisconsin got their professors ready for another year by issuing the latest edition of their "Mindset List."

It's an attempt to educate the teachers on the cultural perspective of the freshman entering college this fall.

+++

BELOIT MINDSET LIST, 2014

Most students entering college this fall were born in 1992.

Few in the class will know how to write well in cursive.

E-mail is just too slow and they seldom, if ever, use "snail mail."

"Caramel macchiato" and "Venti half-caf vanilla latte" has always been street corner lingo.

In a country where a quarter of young people under 18 have at least one immigrant parent, they aren't afraid of immigration ... unless it involves "real" aliens from another planet.

John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

Clint Eastwood is better known as a sensitive director than as Dirty Harry.

Doctor Kevorkian has never been licensed to practice medicine.

Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.

Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.

Fergie is a pop singer, not a princess.

They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

Unless they found one in their grandparent's closet, they have never seen a carousel of Kodachrome slides.

Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

"Viewer Discretion" has always been an available warning on TV shows.

The first home computer they touched was probably an Apple II or a Mac II ... they are now in a museum.

Czechoslovakia has never existed.

Second-hand smoke has always been an official carcinogen.

Once they got through security, going to the airport has always resembled going to the mall.

Adhesive strips have always been available in varying skin tones.

Bud Selig has always been the Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

American companies have always done business in Vietnam.

Russians and Americans have always been living together in space.

There have always been women priests in the Anglican Church.

Rock bands have always played at presidential inaugural parties.

"Barney" has always referred to a purple dinosaur and not Barney Google or Barney Fife.

They have never worried about a Russian military strike on the U.S.

The Post Office has always been going broke.

The nation has never approved of the job Congress is doing.

They have always had the SciFi (SyFy) Channel.

[selected - with some very small edits - from Beloit College; the entire list is here]

+++

WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." (1 Peter 1:24)

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Basement Bedroom

There's an old joke that goes something like, "Teenagers must be hard of hearing ... most of them can't hear what you're saying until they're in their 20s."

Turns out there might be something to that.

+++

When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly let him move his bedroom to the basement.

Then I realized how convenient it became to get him up to the breakfast table. Before, I'd stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell. Now all I had to do was flip the light switch on and off, and he'd come up.

One morning I flicked the switch, and nothing happened. So I flicked it on and off several more times.

"I'm on my way!" our son called up. "You didn't have to yell."

[Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh]

+++

WORD for YOUR WEEK: Let's go back to some old German - gewinnan - meant to achieve something through struggle. It's the root for the word "win," which was originally wynn, and meant pleasure or delight. Add the word "sum" in the sense of some, or a small amount, and you get the word winsome, which is something full of joy, or very pleasant.

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Daughters, Dads, and Don'ts

A spot of trouble with the teenager today. Nothing we can't get past. Just another speed bump on this road called "adolescence."

+++

THINGS A TEENAGE GIRL DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM HER DAD

"Let me explain what 'deductible' means on our car insurance."

"Your mom's almost ready. When do we leave for our double date?"

"Seems to me last year's prom dress still has some life in it."

"I signed us up for the karaoke duets contest this weekend."

"We ate possum toes like popcorn when I was a kid."

"Isn't it about time you bought some new bras?"

"I am so proud you've decided to keep the family unibrow."

"You don't need to go shopping tonight. I picked out your new purse on the way home."

"Hey, I ran into Bobby at the grocery store. I told him you were really hoping he'd ask you to the dance."

"By the way, I had to borrow your deodorant yesterday."

[Mikey's Funnies; some edits and additional material by Mark Raymond]

+++

WEBSITE of the WEEK: I don't know whether it's because I take a gang of vitamins each day, or I come from hardy DNA stock, or just general clean living, but I haven't been sick or missed a day of work unexpectedly due to illness since last December. Probably many of you have even longer track records. When you do develop a symptom, however, how do you know how serious it is? Enter the Mayo Clinic's "Symptom Checker" at http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/symptom-checker/DS00671. Thanks and a tip o'the Mark's Musings cap to Ms. Kim Komando.

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Driver's Test

ADMIN NOTE: My email list server seems to be down for maintenance so don't be surprised if today's post doesn't go out until tonight, after I've returned from my day job.

+++

So after 20-plus years, our dryer finally Kicked the Bucket. Shuffled Off Its Metallic Coil. Lost Its Load. Bought the Big Lint Farm. Well, you get the idea. Meet me at Consumer Reports.org.

Then, after you've helped me pick out a new dryer, read this cautionary tale and realize that truly, some people are put here on Earth merely to serve as a warning to others.

Statistics show that 80% of all car accidents are due to driver inattention. And of that number, the highest cause of distraction is using your cell phone in one form or another while driving. Don't do it. Just don't do it.

+++

Yesterday my son came home and said, "Well, I have good news and bad news."

"Okay," I replied, "what are they?"

"The good news is that I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test!"

"And the bad news?"

"They were pedestrians."

[Clean Humor Digest]

+++

WONDER for YOUR WEEK: I know you're supposed to drive with your hands on the steering wheel at 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock. When Daylight Savings Time ends should that change to 9 o'clock and 1 o'clock?

+++

Mark's Musings is also sent each weekday via email for free. Get off the phone and get your very own subscription by clicking here.

History Test

Well. I watched the All Star Game. All ended-in-the-wee-hours-of-the-morning-15-innings of it. So if this post is lame, blame baseball.

Meanwhile, the clever folks at How Stuff Works have come up with a bunch of fun and informative quizzes to test your knowledge - and educate you at the same time - on a large variety of subjects, from Alligators to the Space Shuttle.

+++

My son, Graham, is a typical teenager. He's smart but not always motivated when it comes to school. With a big history test on Vietnam looming, he had hardly cracked a book in preparation.

"I just know he's going to blow off this test," I remarked one day to my husband.

"Oh, he's more mature than that," Mike reassured me. And to prove his point, he called into the next room, "Hey, Graham, who's Henry Kissinger?"

"Why?" Graham called back. "Is he on our Caller ID?"

[Linda Tenbrink in Reader's Digest Life in These United States]

+++

WONDER for YOUR WEEK: Are there ever any trick answers?

+++

Mark's Musings is also sent each weekday via email. Get your own subscription for free, no diploma required, by clicking here.

School Report

Here in the States it's Memorial Day, 2008.

Hey, that's a staged patriotic photo that you may never have seen before.

What is unique about this photo is that it is made up entirely of people. Soldiers from Camp Dodge, in Iowa, during the summer of 1918.

Photographers Arthur Mole and John Thomas actually created many photos of this nature, all with only people forming the shapes, from 1915 to 1920. You can find a much larger gallery here.

+++

Our 13-year old daughter, Melanie, had to write a report for school about World War II, specifically about D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.

Not thrilled at the prospect of reading a lot of material, she moaned, "Isn't there a movie about this?"

I told her there were probably several, but I couldn't think of any of their names.

Then her face brightened and she exclaimed, "Oh! I remember one of them! Wasn't it called 'Finding Private Nemo'?"

[Top Greetings via Wit and Wisdom, with edits by Mark Raymond]

+++

WORD for YOUR WEEK: So my wife wanted to know where the phrase, "let's blow this popsicle stand" originated. Let's start with that word, "popsicle." The sweet, icy treat was invented in San Francisco in 1924 and the word is believed to be a combination of lollipop and icicle. The word "blow" in the sense of "to leave an undesirable location" is much more vague and hard to pinpoint, with some references dating back to sailor's use of language in the late 1500s. There is some evidence to the phrase being used by teenagers at soda shops (they were heard to exclaim, "let's blow this pop stand") and the phrase may have been adopted after the soda shops began selling popsicles. But, in the end, I'm sorry, honey, I'm not exactly sure.

+++

Mark's Musings is also sent each weekday via email. Get your own subscription for free by simply clicking here.

Bad Prom Date

If only your daughter was this thrifty, eh?

Vanessa Randall, who lives in Wayne, Maine (and hey, that's just fun to say), started to make her prom dress three years ago. But not from duct tape, as so many others have done, oh, no, that's passé. Vanessa used gum wrappers. Seriously.

Okay, okay, the wrappers were sewn onto a layer of duct tape, so once again that ubiquitous material surfaces, but it was still a pretty nifty idea. There's a picture of Vanessa just to the right, there. I wonder if she needed deodorant? Wouldn't she already smell all minty fresh and wintergreeny?

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU PICKED THE WRONG DATE FOR PROM

10. You have to leave early because his Dad needs the ice cream truck back.

9. She stuffed Kleenex^® into her bra but didn't take them out of the box first.

8. Tinting the windows of the family station wagon does *not* make it a limo.

7. Her dress was strapless. She wore the corsage, anyway. Pinned to her skin.

6. You hear him boast, "My grandfather was buried in this tux."

5. Your Mom says you look like a fairy tale couple. Your friends say it's "Beauty and the Beast."

4. His boutonnière is a sprig of parsley from the baked potato he had at the restaurant.

3. When the chaperones aren't looking, he spikes the punch ... with more punch.

2. You hear the principal ask your date, "Mary, didn't you graduate more than thirty years ago?"

AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU PICKED THE WRONG DATE FOR PROM?

1. Three words: Darth Maul makeup.

[with thanks to David Letterman's staff and their Top Ten List; family-friendly edits and additional material by Mark Raymond]

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

For most of us in the States, this is a three-day weekend and the unofficial start of summer. Gosh, it's been so cool and cloudy this May, that'll be a relief! Hey, I'll see you on Monday.

Mark

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

WEB SITE of the WEEK: According to the folks at Creative Commons, What's Next and Future Shock, we are in the midst of a century of incredibly rapid cultural and technological change where much of what we know will be extinct and out-of-use by 2050. Check out the timeline at http://pradt.net/imgs/book/grand/extinctiontimeline.jpg. There's a disclaimer that says "not to be taken too seriously" but it's still fun to look at some of the items. My own prediction is that watches and televisions will be the next pieces of tech to go belly up or morph into something else.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Mark's Musings is a Habeas-certified spam free mailer. Subscribe, view past issues in the Archives, or help defray publishing costs at my web site. To contact Mark, click here. To ascertain whether or not you should pass the vehicle in front of you, first ask yourself, "Do I really need to?". You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits sometimes sleep in, but don't penalize them for that by leaving without them. Original material and commentary © 2008 by Mark Raymond. Even this silly paragraph. I update this blog with a copy of this post daily, and extra thoughts, videos, and the occasional other bit of stuff and nonsense on the weekends. My personal mission statement is John 3:30. Insert non-sequitir here.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Never judge a book by its movie." (J.W. Eagan)

New Driver

That, my friends, is a cool new concept tire Michelin has been working on since 2005. They call it the "Tweel" as it's a combination of both tire and wheel. List member Dan G. sent these photos to me. The flexible spoke design allows the Tweel to handle almost any kind of road obstacle or pothole without damaging the tire. In fact, there's not even a need to check the air pressure on these things, because there is none. It's an airless tire.

I haven't found them on sale yet, but you can get more information here. It looks kind of like the car is just floating on air since you can see right through the spokes.

+++

As a driver instructor for a local high school, I've learned that even the brightest of students can be rattled and flustered the first time they get behind the wheel of a car.

One day I had three beginning drivers in the training car, and the class valedictorian was the first one to take the vehicle out on the road into traffic. Each student would drive for thirty minutes.

At the end of the first half hour, I asked the student to change places with one of the other drivers.

Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?"

[Joe's Clean Laffs]

+++

WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." (1 John 3:18)

+++

Mark's Musings is available via email each weekday for free. Wheel on up here and get your very own subscription by clicking here. Please note: that link is no longer available. 

Smart Kids

Well, apparently I did something at our little Super Bowl get-together my body didn't like. It responded yesterday with a migraine and some deep regrets over my choice of snackage.

So just the joke today.

But if you want to see all the commercials, try http://www.myspace.com/superbowlads.

+++

SMART KIDS

At a high school in North Dakota a group of teens played a prank.

They let three goats loose in the school hallways overnight.

But before the goats were set loose, the kids painted numbers on them: #1, #2, and #4.

School officials spent the entire day searching for #3.

[submitted by list member Judy S.]

+++

WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Most football players are temperamental. That's 90 percent temper and ten percent mental." (Doug Plank)

+++

Get your own subscription by clicking here.