Happy Birthday, Internet!

The World Wide Web turned 20 yesterday. One more year and it can go buy itself a congratulatory adult beverage.

It was opened up for public use on April 30, 1993. The news story on this - thanks to Kim Komando - is here. The concept of the WWW was conceived by British physicist Tim Berners-Lee (not Al Gore!) in 1989 but took four years for the restrictions to be lifted and public access granted.

And look how it has changed our lives. My, my, my. 20 years ago I was the father of a 6-year old boy, I was mourning the recent passing of my hair, and I was celebrating my tenth anniversary with the U.S. Postal Service. I was using Apple IIe computers at work, and had a first generation Apple IIc at home. (Eventually I switched to the PC platform for productivity and available software reasons. Sorry, Steve Jobs and Apple wonks everywhere.)

Now, I find that probably 80% of my communications are over e-mail, much of my social interaction is done on Facebook, and my Smartphone keeps me in touch with news and friends no matter where I am. All because of the Internet.

Yes, I still talk to people in real life. On the phone, at church, in restaurants, and I meet with friends on a face-to-face level frequently. No worries about becoming an online hermit here. But this anniversary puts me in mind of a mental exercise I like to go through every now and then.

We all have heard the things our parents have said to us:

• "In my day, we had to get up, walk six feet, and change the channel by hand."

• "When I was your age, when we got home, we had to get out of the car - no matter what the weather was doing - and lift the garage door by hand."

• "When we first had a telephone, if someone called and no one was home, we didn't know about it!"

Stuff like that.

So the mental exercise is wondering about the things we'll be saying to our own grandkids. I imagine we'll eventually hear ourselves say...

• "When I was your age, we could turn the computer off."

• "Used to be you needed a key to get into a car and turn it on...."

• "I remember when the computer sat on top of your desk, not the top of your glasses."

And what's even more fun is trying to imagine what our children will say to their children.

• "When I was your age, we actually had to go visit the doctor in his office to find out what was wrong with us!"

• "Google used to just be a big company, not a country."

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Here's a grin, courtesy of Dilbert:

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Heh. What do you imagine you - and your children - will be hearing yourself say in the future?

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Mark's Musings is published on a periodical basis - right now on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays - but that may change without notice. Find me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/markmusings. This blog is considered to be a digital periodical publication and is filed as such with the U.S. Library of Congress; ISSN 2154-9761. "I remember when people used to do this online diary kind of thing. We called it a 'blog'."

Retired Scientists

When Bill Watterson was creating the "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip, it was one of my very favorites. The man had a way of combining art and words that made reading the strip marvelous. In fact, I still follow the daily reprinting of his archives at Go Comics.

Calvin's father, an office drone who enjoyed bicycling, time with his wife, and messing with Calvin's head - I mean, what father doesn't enjoy a little teasing with his kids - would often give Calvin goofy scientific explanations for common natural occurrences.

Much like this site. I may have to bookmark it as a favorite. It made me chuckle.

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THINGS SCIENTISTS CAN DO WHEN THEY RETIRE

Take up a hobby, like writing grant proposals.

Go to a theme park in Florida and tell everyone there about the principles of physics that underlie all the rides.

Same as everyone else: shout at the neighbor kids to get off their lawn.

Tour Europe. Or maybe Europa.

Prove the existence of It-Doesn't-Matter.

Investigate who those other people living in your house are.

Go fission.

[selected from Chris White's Top Five on Science, with edits and additional material by Mark Raymond]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact." (Mark Twain)

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Mark's Musings is researched on an RSS Feed (to the right), a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle, and flows via e-mail into your Inbox each weekday if you subscribe. ISSN 2154-9761.

Random Thoughts IV - 2009

You know, every year someone - whether it be a radio commentator, an actor on television, a columnist, or some other politically correct talking head with an axe to grind - makes the point that Jesus was actually born some time in the Spring or Summer and the early church fathers moved the celebration of his birthday to December to detract from, disguise, or even "sanctify" the pagan ritual of Festivus, or the secular commemoration of the Winter Solstice.

Which may well be true.

But that does *nothing* to take away from the miraculous event of God stepping out of eternity and clothing himself with the shackles of time, humbling his form to put on flesh in the person we call Jesus of Nazareth. No matter when it happened, it happened.

Merry Christmas!

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RANDOM ACTS of THINKING, 2009
Part the Last

I keep telling my wife I'm fit as a fiddle. A cello is a fiddle, isn't it?

Every morning has the potential to be the dawn of a new error.

Bubble wrap is good for wrapping just about anything ... except bubbles.

My wife and I had words. I didn't get to use mine.

Some days I think the most valuable function of the government is to serve as a topic of conversation.

I'm taking karate lessons, but only a few. I want to learn just enough to handle the office vending machines.

A new study says that dark chocolate relieves stress. Mostly the stress of me trying to diet.

I think I'm playing too many video games. The other day I saw a banana peel in the road and swerved to avoid it.

If they charge more to add items to my hamburger, shouldn't I get a discount if I ask them to leave stuff *off* my hamburger?

Ever since I stopped texting while driving, I've been really looking forward to red lights.

If you spend too much green, you'll end up in the red. I think that must be why those are the colors of Christmas.

My company dropped their health care plan. So they moved the employee parking lot ten blocks away.

I got an unrealtor's license. Now I can sell imaginary estate.

[owing a debt of thanks to, a sincere appreciation of, a fond affection for, and a great big dollop of gratitude to Net 153, Mikey's Funnies, United Comic Syndicates, The Ironic Times, Trés Sugar blog, Randy Glasbergen, and the mind of Mark Raymond]

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A weekend filled with no obligations and nothing to do except enjoy the Christmas gifts. And maybe buy some groceries.

Anyway, I'll see you on Monday.

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: I'll finish up my webcomics series today by pointing the way to http://www.worthytoons.com/. This site is a collection of comics created by Christian artists.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday, when I get around to it but usually in the wee hours of the morning, using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. That means no ads, no spam, and no worries. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and do other things over at my web site. To contact me and one day get a reply, click here. Did you know that "merry" used to mean "mighty"? Robin Hood had mighty men, not happy men. May you have the mightiest Christmas ever! You can forward or reprint Mark's Musings freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits should never be taken off the post without a receipt. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my e-mail post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. And the road goes ever on.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Resolve to edge in a little reading every day, if it is but a single sentence. If you gain fifteen minutes a day, it will make itself felt at the end of the year." (Horace Mann)

Bad Christmas Plays

Sorry for the late post, my friends. I spent most of the wee hours this Friday morning regurgitating everything I'd eaten for the past week. And the rest of Friday sleeping it off. A spot of flu, I'm thinkin'.

So just a short joke and back to bed today.

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LEAST POPULAR CHRISTMAS PLAYS AT CHURCH

A Christmas Story ... featuring Manger Cam!

There's a Star in the Sky ... No, Wait! There's a Hole in our Roof.

The Night the Animals Talked and Pretty Much Remembered Their Lines

Follow the Star and Bring a Dish to Pass

Four Calling Birds Attack Aunt Ruthie

The Three Wise Men and Their List of Grievances

[copyright 2003 by Dave Tippett; used with permission; may be forwarded if not for profit and with credits]

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I imagine I'll be back to normal by tomorrow afternoon, or maybe I should say I *hope* to be back to normal by then.

Anyway, I'll see you on Monday.

Mark

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: Randy Glasbergen offers these little slice-of-life observations, with a bit of the absurd thrown in, at http://www.glasbergen.com/. His stuff is sold to quite a few magazines and newsletters, so odds are good you've seen his work before. The webcomic series continues.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday, when I get around to it, using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and click through the pages over at my web site. To contact me and one day get a reply, click here. For the statistically curious of you, I threw up *seven* times between 10:30 Thursday night and 3:00 Friday morning. The poor missus didn't get a wink of sleep! You can forward or reprint Mark's Musings freely but please keep the credits attached. Don't throw up (or out) my credits. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. Ooosh. I gotta go lie down.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree." (Roy L. Smith)

Military Rules

Consider today's post as sponsoring *dual* Web Site of the Week picks. I didn't really want to interrupt my Web Comics series (down below), but the site I'm talking about up top here is, I feel, way more important; especially with Christmas upon us in two weeks.

At one time you could send letters or care packages to military personnel serving overseas using the "Any Service Person" address. Security concerns since then have ended that and you must know and list who you are sending material to these days. This is where the Any Soldier website comes in.

This website recruits "contacts" from among active enlisted men and women, and these contacts keep track of the people in their units who receive very little mail or packages, as well as noting their needs and wants. You can click the "Where to Send" link for a complete list of contacts. You can then sort that list by contacts from your particular state, if you want to keep your gifts close to home. Clicking a contact's name will bring up specific information about him or her, including how many times their address has been requested, and a list of some specific items being requested.

If you ship using the U.S.P.S. Large Flat-Rate Priority Box, you receive a discount on the postage for anything going to an APO or FPO military address, and you have an excellent chance of your package or mail arriving before Christmas. Check it out and help support the troops - especially the loneliest ones - during this holiday giving season.

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MILITARY RULES

MARINES:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a backup plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not begin with the number "4."
6. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap, life is expensive.
7. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend.
8. Always cheat. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
9. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

NAVY SEALS:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Shoot anything moving.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair.

ARMY RANGERS:
1. Hike to battle zone from 50 miles away, carrying a 75-pound rucksack.
2. Locate the enemy.
3. Request permission to engage.
4. Curse bitterly when mission aborted.
5. Hike back 50 miles, carrying a 75-pound rucksack, now starving.

U.S. ARMY:
1. Receive orders; curse bitterly.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to Second Lieutenants. It can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

AIR FORCE:
1. Finish mixing cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air conditioner.
3. See what's on TV.
4. Wonder what it might be like to use a gun.
5. Work on "killer" PowerPoint presentation for next funding request.
6. Make appointments to lobby key Congresspeople for funding.
7. Receive funding, set up new command centers and deploy assets.
8. Never deploy assets anywhere near combat zones.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee time.

NAVY:
1. Go to sea.
2. Drink coffee.
3. Deploy Marines.

[selected from strategy page.com; family-friendly edits by Mark Raymond]

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Two weeks before the biggest birthday celebration of the year. I wonder why we seldom serve cake and punch at Christmas?

Anyway, I'll see you on Monday.

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: Hallmark Cards struck gold when they created their grumpy, crotchety "Maxine" character. They have created a blog for her and post a new cartoon - with the occasional rerun of "classics" - at http://tinyurl.com/4eslrz. Just another webcomic I visit daily for a chuckle.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday, when I get around to it, using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and click through the pages over at my web site. To contact me and one day get a reply, click here. To live longer, stop sweating the small stuff. Can someone teach me how? You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits work best when left attached; they tend not to work at all when you snip 'em. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. My house smells like bacon.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Even on the most exalted throne in the world we are still but sitting upon our own bottom." (Michel Eyquem de Montaigne)

Signs

FRIDAY RAMBLINGS: Having finished one of the three projects on my plate due before Christmas - well, there's still some revisions and a touch of production work - I was hit by the "I don't wanna do nuthin' " bug which, I hope, explains why today's post is so late.

And, it appears that my link from yesterday to the TV Pop Crunch website set off alarms on McAfee if you have the Site Advisor feature installed. I use the McAfee that comes bundled free with Comcast Internet and Site Advisor is not a part of that. From looks of things, one of the links hosted by the TV Pop Crunch site has been declared dangerous by McAfee ... I didn't have any problems with the site, but if any of you did, I apologize profusely.

Now, what to do for today's post. Hmmmm.

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FUNNY SIGNS FROM AROUND THE WORLD

Hairdresser shop in Norway: "Nice face ... shame about the hair."

Furniture store in Australia: "Our beds are factory-trained not to jump on your children. Please show the same courtesy."

On a van for a company that does window treatments in New Zealand: "This van is driven by a blind man!"

Antique furniture restoration store in Georgia: "Male stripper on duty."

Local Subway sign, somewhere in America: "Now hiring -- 6-inch tuna -- $3.59." Poor, underpaid tuna!

On a church sign advertising a fundraiser for youth group: "Archery Shoot Youth Fundraiser."

City buses in San Luis Obispo, California are all emblazoned with: "SLO Transit."

Church sign in Wisconsin: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Sun worship, 10:30 a.m."

[selected from Mikey's Funnies]

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I guess Christmas must be approaching. We woke up this morning to our first snowfall here in our little corner of Michigan. Time to bust out the snow shovels in anticipation of worse.

I'll see you on Monday.

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: Here's a webcomic that's definitely a little quirky, but in a very creative way. My son got me hooked on Biff, a guy who needs a serious eyebrow clipper. Find him at http://www.thebookofbiff.com/.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday, when I get around to it, using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and click through the pages over at my web site. To contact me and one day get a reply, click here. Won't reply tonight though as it's well past my bedtime. 2:30 in the morning comes early! You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. When taken off the post, the credits loiter loosely in the streets and eventually stir up all kinds of trouble and, frankly, I just don't have money for bail anymore. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. I have an idea for bumping up my number of subscribers, but I need some of you to act as a sounding board. Write me (address a few lines north) and ask.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Many things are lost for want of asking." (English Proverb)

My Dad Says

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Christmas season is *officially* upon us. Shop safely, and remember that we buy one another gifts in honor of the One who gave us all the greatest gift in offering his son, Jesus. At least that's the way we look at it in my house.

I enjoyed spending time with my family yesterday. I'm not sure the family in today's post enjoys their patriarch quite as much, but what he says is certainly ... umm ... entertaining?

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STUFF MY DAD SAYS

"Son, no one cares about all the things your cell phone can do. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."

"I hate paying bills. No, son, don't say 'me, too.' I wasn't saying it to relate to you. I said it instead of 'go away'."

"Oh, please. You practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it."

"I need to change clothes? Wow. That's big talk coming from someone who looks like they've robbed a Mervyn's."

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double-parked."

"No, you cannot borrow my tee shirt ... and how about instead of standing there looking shocked, you go do your laundry?"

"Don't let the dog inside. The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, go get your own inside."

"Remember how you used to make fun of me for being bald? No, I'm not gonna make a joke. I'll let your mirror do that."

"That woman was sexy. Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't date you, don't do it for them."

"You worry too much. Eat some bacon. What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better ... I just made too much bacon."

[taken from a Twitter feed by Justin Halpern, a 29-year old who lives with Sam, his 73-year old father in San Diego; I have done a LOT of family-friendly editing to clean up Sam's crusty and curmudgeonly language -- MR]

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Still desperately in the middle of three projects, so please have a kind word and pray for a 25^th hour in each day. At least for the next two weeks. Thanks.

And I'll - probably - see you on Monday. Here on the blog maybe sooner. Maybe.

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: Continuing my series on webcomics I read daily, meet Dewey, Mel, Tamara, Colleen, Merv, and Buddy the Book Beaver all over at http://www.unshelved.com/. It's an Internet comic about the Mallville Library, its staff, and their kooky-yet-oh-so-true-to-life customers. And every Sunday they give you a comicky synopsis of a different book recommendation.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday, when I get around to it, using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and click through the pages over at my web site. To contact me and one day get a reply, click here. To get a good grocery cart, grab one from the parking lot; odds are other shoppers won't have put up with a bad one during their time inside the store. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits get crotchety when detached and then I have to deal with that all next week. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. Let's see, yesterday in one form or another, we had turkey, potatoes, corn, beans, bananas baked into bread, pumpkin in rolls and pies, wheat ground into several varieties of bread, apples, mandarin oranges and pineapple ... fruit of the earth, all. And it was good. Amen.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Never value the valueless. The trick is knowing how to recognize it." (Sidney Madwed)

Random Meditations and Musings

My wife works for our local newspaper, which has privileged me to meet an awful lot of creative people; writers mostly. Jim Smith is one of them. He used to cover the police beat and eventually became a columnist, as well. He retired two years ago and immediately began writing a blog.

It was there that I saw this material, which Jim has graciously allowed me to reprint. You may have seen some of these before, but I haven't -- and in the course of what I do I see almost everything -- so I'm hoping today's post is new to you, as well.

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MEDITATIONS AND MUSINGS

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer's Internet browsing history if you die.

Nothing feels worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

There is great need for a sarcasm font.

Was learning cursive really necessary?

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know you just won't do anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can all we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-Ray? I don't want to have to re-start my collection ... again.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft's Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to the eight page paper I'm *sure* I didn't make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means this garment will never be cleaned.

I hate it when I just miss a call and immediately call back, but it rings six times and goes to voice mail. What did you do? Drop the phone and run away when I didn't answer?

I hate leaving my house looking good and feeling confident and then not see anyone important all day. It feels like a waste.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my cell just so I know not to answer when they call. You, too?

I think the freezer deserves a light, as well.

[with thanks to Jim Smith's blog]

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Let's see, Bonnie is still in Florida - flying back on Sunday - and my daughter and I have gotten along pretty darn well this week. Couple of public dinners this weekend, and then back to my getting-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night life when I return to work on Monday.

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: Sheldon is a 10-year old boy genius who invented software that makes the Internet faster. Now he's a gazillionaire and lives with his grandfather and Arthur, the talking duck he created by downloading an encyclopedia and speech recognition software into its brain. Then there's Flaco, the gecko that lives with him but whom only Arthur can understand. I really relate to the grandfather character, we have the same body type. Find all this family-friendly webcomic goodness at http://www.sheldoncomics.com/. I thought for the next couple of weeks I'd share some of my favorite webcomic sites. Feel free to let me know what yours are. (Sidebar: I just checked out today's comic and you're likely not to get it, so do click through some of the archives to get a better feel for Dave Kellet's work. It's good stuff! To those who *want* to get it, Flaco can only say the word "Squee" and in today's issue, he's trying to teach that word to the bird, who's obviously not getting the pronunciation right.)

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday, when I get around to it, using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and click through the pages over at my web site. To contact me and one day get a reply, click here. Still on vacation so I'm still not thinking up anything funny to go in this spot. Still no apologies. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits SO want to be kept attached. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. Seen any good movies lately?

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Show us a man who never makes a mistake and we will show you a man who never makes anything." (H.L. Wayland)