Guard Patrol

The people who get paid to tell us what the weather will do next say we are due to receive between a foot to fifteen inches of snow over the next twenty-four hours. This, on top of the two inches that fell last night, should make my commute to work in the wee hours of Wednesday morning just terribly interesting.

But enough about me.

If you'll be snowed in Wednesday - or if you just like to play with the kids and grandkids - Reader's Digest has some indoor snow fun for you.

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Gale force winds, a snowstorm, and frigid temperatures had taken their toll. Snapped electrical wires were sparking and snapping on the snowdrifts all over town.

As a local policeman, I was assigned to the area around another downed wire to provide security for the site and keep the public safe.

It was just after midnight and about 20 degrees below zero when I arrived to relieve the patrolman who was currently on duty. He pointed out the thin line swinging furiously from the main junction box and then hastily beat it to the relative warmth of his patrol car. Pulling up my collar and reaffixing my earmuffs, I took up my position for the next few hours.

Finally, just after 5:30 in the morning, a utility truck arrived and a lineman hopped out. He climbed the utility pole and then descended a few minutes later, laughing.

"Well, officer," he explained, "I'm afraid you have successfully guarded a frozen kite string all night long!"

[Wit and Wisdom]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Weather is a great metaphor for life - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, and there's nothing much you can do about it but carry an umbrella." (Terri Guillemets)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Snow Wife

It has been *cold* this weekend. Teeth-chattering, body-shivering, booger-freezing cold. As I write this, it's 4 degrees below zero (that's 20 below on the Celsius chart, to put things in context for my global friends), with a wind chill warning of -25 up until noon Monday.

The weather seers at Farmer's Almanac say it's because of La Niña. Which, from what I understand, is the opposite of El Niño. Find out more here.

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I just got off the phone with a friend living in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning, the snow had reached nearly waist high and was still coming down.

He told me that the temperature was dropping well below zero and a frigid north wind was increasing to near gale force.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and stare.

He said if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.

[with thanks to Monday Fodder]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: With still a little bit of January left to us, you can get your eyes checked; it's National Glaucoma Awareness Month. It's also National Polka Music Month (I did not know there was a Polka Hall of Fame). It's National Handwriting Analysis Week, and it's National Clean Out Your Inbox Week. More on that tomorrow. Finally, today is National Compliment Day (I'll talk more about that on Wednesday), Thursday is Holocaust Memorial Day, and Saturday is Curmudgeon's Day. Kind of a strange week; it begins in compliments and ends with curmudgeons.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Red Cross

Welcome to winter, everyone. December 21. The Winter Solstice. The longest night of the year. Sorry this is out so late ... deadlines have kept me very occupied this week. In fact, yesterday I didn't even e-mail one, so be sure to check the post below for some more Christmas groaners.

According to the Farmer's Almanac, today is one of two times each year that the sun stands farthest from the equator. It actually appears to stand still, which is why it's called a "solstice." That's a combination of two words: sol, meaning sun, and stice is from stitium, which means "stoppage."

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It had been a hard winter in the Appalachians. The snow had piled up, deeper and deeper, the temperature dropped, rivers froze, and many people suffered. The Red Cross used helicopters to fly in emergency supplies and provide aid.

One crew had been working day after day, very long hours. They climbed back into their helicopter and were finally on their way home late one evening, when they saw a little cabin, nearly submerged in the snow, with a thin whisper of smoke coming from the chimney.

The team figured whoever was inside must have been about out of fuel, food, and perhaps needed some medical attention. So they decided to make one more stop. Because of the trees, they had to put down nearly a mile from the cabin. They put on heavy backpacks, full of supplies, grabbed their snow gear, and began trudging through the heavy snow, often waist deep, until they reached the cabin.

Using their small shovels, they dug out the doorway and exhausted, panting and perspiring, they pounded on the door.

When it was finally opened by a thin, gaunt older woman, the lead man gasped out, "We're from the Red Cross."

The woman looked at her rescuers, was silent for a moment, then said, "It's been a hard winter, Sonny, I just don't think I can give anything this year."

[Wit and Wisdom; retold by Mark Raymond]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring." (W.J. Vogel)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

You Know It's Cold...

For your link today, check out the video I put up here yesterday, just down below. It's a quick take on what the Nativity might look like if it happened today.

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YOU KNOW IT'S COLD WHEN...

...politicians have their hands in their *own* pockets.

...you buy ice cream at lunch and can leave it in your car until you get home that evening.

...your hot chocolate is a fudgesicle before you finish drinking it.

...you have to open the refrigerator to heat the house.

...you have to go up and break the smoke off the chimney.

...when the ducks are *walking* on the water.

...the snowman begs you to take him inside at night.

...your false teeth chatter, and they're still in the glass.

[selected from a Reader's Digest Facebook status stream]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease." (Genesis 8:22)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Everyday Items Trivia Quiz

And so this is the way of things. We were enjoying a mild, unsuspecting December when the storm hit. It began with rain, then as the temperature dropped, it turned to sleet, providing a lovely foundation of ice on the roads. Then the mercury in the thermometer fell a few more degrees and it snowed. Only about 3-6 inches, which is hardly anything in some parts of the continent. But it was enough.

The snowplows were awoken from their long summer of slumber and dutifully cleared the snow away, but that left the ice. So the salt trucks then made their rounds, and the ice began to melt. Ah, but this storm had one more trick to play. The temperature then plummeted to single digits with sub-zero wind chill, freezing all the melted ice and leaving a *double* layer of icy treachery on the roads. Large tractor-trailer trucks could not even make it up hills. Highways were closed. Byways were closed. Schools were closed.

Even now, two days later, braking is problematic and schools are still closed. The storm has created lots and lots of work for insurance claim adjusters, auto body repair shops, emergency medical personnel, and mechanics fixing anti-lock brakes. And this is how living in Michigan helps our economy. And this was really just a small storm. You hope it's not a harbinger for the rest of the season.

Meanwhile, for your Tuesday link, here's 15 things you've probably gotten wrong.

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EVERYDAY ITEMS QUIZ

1. On the United States flag, what color is the top stripe?

2. Whose face is on a dime?

3. How many sides does a Stop sign have?

4. Are a book's even-numbered pages on the left or on the right?

5. How many lug nuts are on a standard car wheel?

6. On the back of a $1.00 bill, what is in the center?

7. How many curves in a standard paper clip?

[Answers at the very bottom of post]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home." (Edith Sitwell)

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Answers: 1. Red - 2. Roosevelt - 3. Eight - 4. Left - 5. Five - 6. The word ONE - 7. Three 1. Red - 2. Roosevelt - 3. Eight - 4. Left - 5. Five - 6. The word ONE - 7. Three

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Christmas Groaners

So how's the Christmas shopping going? Only 11 more days, y'know.

Well, so far what we've gotten here is what I call "sneaky snow." It will snow enough to cover the roads and your driveway, but not enough to make you feel like shoveling. So you let it sit there. Then you drive over it for a few days, mashing it down nice and solid. Then it snows a little more. Again, not enough to need shoveling. So you drive over it a few more days. Then a little more snow and a little more mashing it down with your car.

Then, one day, BAM! A mess o'snow. Now you've *got* to shovel only it's nearly impossible because there's a bedrock of hard snow and ice at the bottom!! Chews your shovels up and makes walking on your own driveway treacherous.

See? Sneaky.

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CHRISTMAS and WINTER GROANERS

Darth Vader knew what Luke was getting for Christmas. He felt his presence.

Would a fear of Kris Kringle be Claus-trophobia?

At Christmas, we always have a gift exchange at my house. She exchanges what I give her, and I usually have to exchange what she gets me.

Finally, in postal news, the U.S. Postal Service announced it will handle nearly 27 billion pieces of mail this holiday season. In preparation for the onslaught, it was announced they will be taking appropriate steps. They plan to open a second window at the counter.

[JokeMaster]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: Occasionally, when I have a project to finish, I will drink *copious* amounts of coffee. This word owes its origin to the word opus, which is a large work (often musical in nature). In the form of copia, it means an abundance of, or profusion, or plenty (remember that a "cornucopia" is also called a "horn of plenty"). So copious simply means a large amount of something.

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