Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Still Here


Contrary to what it feels like, this blog is not yet defunct.

A combination of family, work, band, church, and a couple of other hobbies have slipped ahead of posting stuff in my priority list.


Sadly, this situation looks like it may last for much of the summer, so things will be more miss than hit here.
Thanks for your patience, all.

Mark

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

Dumb Telemarketer


My wife and I received a call this evening that had me wondering if we were still on the "Do Not Call" registry.

You know about that, right?

It's a free federal service run by the Federal Trade Commission that blocks most telemarketers from calling you. You can still be called by political parties, charities, and organizations conducting surveys, but calls trying to sell you stuff drop right off. And your registration is forever.

And yes, we're still on it.

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Our daughter stayed home one weekend while my wife and I went on a weekend trip to celebrate our anniversary.

At some point while we were gone, the telephone rang. It was a telemarketer.

Telemarketer: "Hello, may I speak to Mr. Raymond?"

Daughter: "I'm sorry, but Mr. Raymond is out of town celebrating his wedding anniversary."

Telemarketer: "How nice for him! Well, then, may I speak to Mrs. Raymond?"


[retold from Joe's Clean Laffs]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "I don't answer the phone. I get the feeling whenever I do that there will be someone on the other end." (Fred Couples)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle (just 99¢. A month.) and arrives via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Yo Momma - A Joke Tradition

What do salmon, dark leafy greens, and beans have in common?

Would you believe they're all good for your hair?

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{I know Mother's Day is coming up this weekend, so I'd better get these "Yo Momma" jokes out of the way today. Absolutely *nothing* "racist" here. "Yo Momma" jokes are an old, old tradition in comedy. And in keeping with the above, they are all about food. -- MR}

Yo Momma is so dumb, she wonders why her bell peppers don't ring.

Yeah, well, yo Momma is so dumb, she thinks the Mayo Clinic is a sandwich shop!

Yo Momma is so dumb she thinks chicken nuggets came out of a mine.

Yo Momma is so dumb she went to a Jimmy Buffet concert and thought it was all-you-can-eat!

Well, yo Momma is so fat every time she goes to McDonald's they have to change the number on their sign!

Yo Momma is so dumb she quit her French cooking class when she found out they weren't covering fries or toast.

Yo Momma thinks you have to put on a coat to serve chili.

Okay, okay. Yo Momma is so dumb she thinks spinach in your teeth is a recipe!


[selected from Chris White's Top Five on Food]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: May is National Better Hearing Month (insert obligatory "Eh? What's that?" joke here). It's also National Hamburger Month, National Meditation Month, and National Family Month. It's Be Kind to Animals Week (which is *every* week for my daughter), Drinking Water Week, National Hug Holiday Week, Astronomy Week, and National Teacher Appreciation Week. Wednesday is the Great American Grump Out Day. Thursday is Cinco de Mayo, of course, and Friday is International Tuba Day.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle (just 99¢. A month.) and arrives via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.