A Kind Word

Let me introduce today's link with a personal story. Last August, we had our daughter's gall bladder removed, and it turned out to be the end of two years of stomach misery, illness, and her emotional depression (well, mostly; she is sixteen, after all).

As we spoke with the surgeon in his post-op consultation, he told us that if he'd performed this operation ten years ago, the AMA would have had him up on charges for conducting unnecessary surgery. But in the past decade, the gall bladders of America's youth have gone to h-e-double-hockey-sticks in a handbasket, due to our fast food use and diets of convenience. He said that now, removing the gall bladders of teenagers is fairly commonplace.

And that's just sad. Which is why the White House has gotten involved.

+++

One evening while I was complaining about my bad exercise habits and tight clothes, my four-year old daughter decided to pick up my spirits, as she often does.

This time she coined a new word for me. She said, "Oh no, Mommy, you look flabulous!"

[selected, with thanks, from Da Mousetracks]

+++

WORD for YOUR WEEK: What the four-year old in the above story was trying to do was placate Mommy. Placate means to make someone less angry, less upset, less hostile, by doing something to make them feel happier. It comes from the same word - in a purer form, even - that gave us the word "please." It's from Latin and was originally "placere," which meant to please.

+++

Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Overweightness

Calling all prayer warriors: I received a couple of emails yesterday asking me to put the Musingites on their knees in prayer and positive thinking for some good people. And since I know you folks are *awesome* about that, I just had to pass these requests on. List member Pamela A. needs prayer for her sister Margo, struggling with ovarian cancer and finding an effective treatment for it. And list member Jonathan B. from Down Under needs prayer for his Mom in Seattle, who had a stroke this past weekend. And while we're on the subject, my own wife and I got our second series of test results yesterday trying to diagnose why she's dizzy, nauseous, and prone to nearly fainting. Sadly, they were pretty much all inconclusive and now we have to go visit three more specialists. Sidebar: You can find a post I wrote over two years ago about this "e-community of prayer" here.

===

Meanwhile, I read an article in Parade magazine this past weekend about obesity and what some countries are doing about it. In Japan, anyone over 40 has to have their stomach measured. If too large, they must reduce their weight or face being fined. (Call it a "fat tax.") The government of New Zealand will not allow you to immigrate to their country if they feel you are too large. The governments of Britain and Germany are also getting pro-active about their citizens' health.

Is it time for the U.S.A. to do the same? Post your thoughts here at the blog.

+++

MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS ON BEING OVERWEIGHT

IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU'RE TOO CLOSE TO THE REFRIGERATOR.

If you don't watch your figure ... no one else will.

A person who is overweight is going the wrong weigh.

I tried that garlic diet. I didn't lose any weight, but I did lose all my friends.

===

"Your Mama's So Fat..."

...I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

...she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

...her belt size is "Equator."

...her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

...her photograph has to be taken from a helicopter.

[with thanks to Daniel L. Worona and the Humor Archives]

+++

WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable." (Jackie Gleason)

+++

Mark's Musings is available via RSS Feed and email each weekday. Make your Inbox fatter with your own subscription by clicking here.

Marathon Loser

I've promised my doctor, my family, and my friends that I would lose 30 pounds this year. So far I've gained six. Arrrghh.

I'd like to work walking back into my daily routine, but the weather so far has been discouraging, and I'm not one of those folks who can get out and walk no matter what's going on outside. At least not yet. I'm hoping to get my treadmill dusted off and repaired - the belt has a tendency to go off center and fray itself - but so far that's still just on my "to do" list.

Which brings me to the story of Cliff Young. Australia has a grueling endurance marathon each year from Sydney to Melbourne - about 875 kilometres (544 miles) - and in 1983 Mr. Young entered the race. Now get this, he was 61 years old and he wore boots and work overalls. To make a long story short, and I'd encourage you to visit the link, he won the race because he never stopped to sleep. He just kept shuffling along and today the "Young Shuffle" is known among distance runners to be the most energy-efficient way to run a long race.

Would that I could be as determined....

+++

SIGNS YOU MAY NOT WIN THAT MARATHON

Breakfast? McDonalds. Lunch? McDonalds. Dinner? McDonalds.

Training program: one mile each day this week. Two miles starting the second Tuesday of next week.

You realize you misplaced a decimal and the race is actually 26.2 miles, not 2.62 miles.

The book you read to help you train was, "Run, Spot, Run."

At every aid station you take a Gatorade, a water, and a nap.

[selected from Elite Feet for Runners with edits by Mark Raymond]

+++

WORD for YOUR WEEK: In Old Latin, "perdere" meant to lose which became "perditus," which was loss. The word was used mostly in religious circles and "perdition" came to mean the loss of your soul. A more contemporary definition would be "utter ruin." Adds new weight to the phrase, "...the road to perdition..." doesn't it?

+++

While it won't redeem your soul, you can get your own subscription for free by clicking here. Mark's Musings is also sent each weekday via email and can be received through your RSS Feed Reader.

Depressing Fitness

My daughter is learning about CPR at school. That's Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation for the acronym-impaired.

A small study out of the University of Illinois recently reports that the Bee Gees' song, "Stayin' Alive" is not only an appropriate title, but provides the appropriate beat to keep someone's heart beating while doing CPR.

And here I always thought the Bee Gees were only good for demonstrating what dolphins would sound like if they sang.

+++

THE DEPRESSING PART OF PHYSICAL FITNESS

Knowing that every time you exercise, it validates the existence of Richard Simmons.

The last 500 yards of your first wind.

It's almost impossible to keep your Twinkie intake level up while doing all those laps.

It requires getting up off the couch.

The dawning realization that maybe it was your personality, not your physique, scaring off the hotties.

You're still going to die.

[Chris White's Top Five on Health and Beauty with family friendly edits by Mark Raymond]

+++

WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "My idea of exercise is a good, brisk sit." (Phyllis Diller)

+++

And four! And three! And two! And get your very own subscription for free by clicking here!
Mark's Musings is also sent each weekday via email.

Dr. Bloom

My wife is definitely not overweight, and she goes walking with a friend on her lunch hours when the weather is nice, yet still she has periodic problems with back spasms and painful muscle flare-ups. I will occasionally come down the stairs from my office to see her holding up the wall of our home, but that's just what it looks like. She is actually leaning against a tennis ball that's hiding between her back and the wall, relieving some pressure and providing a bit of an instant massage when she needs one.

The folks at Real Age say if you get yourself one of those big exercise balls - you know, the type you can sit on or lay across - and sit on that instead of slouching deep into your comfy sofa, you'll increase the strength of your back muscles and, if you do a few little exercises during the commercials, you'll tone up for summer!

Of course, they offer no suggestions on where to keep it when company comes over.

+++

Dr. Bloom was known for his miracle cures for arthritis. One day, his waiting room was full of people when in shuffles a little old lady, bent nearly double, leaning on her cane.

When her name was called, she ambled into the patient visitation area and, amazingly, emerged less than thirty minutes later, walking completely upright, with her head held high.

A woman who had seen the old lady come in to the office stood and approached her. "This is incredible!" she exclaimed. "You walked through that door bent in half, and now you're walking as straight and tall as a young woman! What kind of miracle did that doctor DO for you?"

The old lady looks the woman in the eye and says, "Miracle, shmiracle ... he gave me a longer cane."

[as seen in God Laughs; edited by Mark Raymond]

+++

WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "You know what they call someone who finishes last in their class at medical school? 'Doctor.' " (Author Unknown)

+++

Mark's Musings is available each weekday via email and if laughter is truly the best medicine, then waste no time! Get your own subscription by clicking here.