Friday, November 27, 2009

My Dad Says

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Christmas season is *officially* upon us. Shop safely, and remember that we buy one another gifts in honor of the One who gave us all the greatest gift in offering his son, Jesus. At least that's the way we look at it in my house.

I enjoyed spending time with my family yesterday. I'm not sure the family in today's post enjoys their patriarch quite as much, but what he says is certainly ... umm ... entertaining?



"Son, no one cares about all the things your cell phone can do. You didn't invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that."

"I hate paying bills. No, son, don't say 'me, too.' I wasn't saying it to relate to you. I said it instead of 'go away'."

"Oh, please. You practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it."

"I need to change clothes? Wow. That's big talk coming from someone who looks like they've robbed a Mervyn's."

"Just pay the parking ticket. Don't be so outraged. You're not a freedom fighter in the civil rights movement. You double-parked."

"No, you cannot borrow my tee shirt ... and how about instead of standing there looking shocked, you go do your laundry?"

"Don't let the dog inside. The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, go get your own inside."

"Remember how you used to make fun of me for being bald? No, I'm not gonna make a joke. I'll let your mirror do that."

"That woman was sexy. Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't date you, don't do it for them."

"You worry too much. Eat some bacon. What? No, I got no idea if it'll make you feel better ... I just made too much bacon."

[taken from a Twitter feed by Justin Halpern, a 29-year old who lives with Sam, his 73-year old father in San Diego; I have done a LOT of family-friendly editing to clean up Sam's crusty and curmudgeonly language -- MR]


Still desperately in the middle of three projects, so please have a kind word and pray for a 25th hour in each day. At least for the next two weeks. Thanks.

And I'll - probably - see you on Monday. Here on the blog maybe sooner. Maybe.


WEB SITE of the WEEK: Continuing my series on webcomics I read daily, meet Dewey, Mel, Tamara, Colleen, Merv, and Buddy the Book Beaver all over at It's an Internet comic about the Mallville Library, its staff, and their kooky-yet-oh-so-true-to-life customers. And every Sunday they give you a comicky synopsis of a different book recommendation.


Mark's Musings is sent each weekday, when I get around to it, using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and click through the pages over at my web site. To contact me and one day get a reply, click here. To get a good grocery cart, grab one from the parking lot; odds are other shoppers won't have put up with a bad one during their time inside the store. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits get crotchety when detached and then I have to deal with that all next week. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at Let's see, yesterday in one form or another, we had turkey, potatoes, corn, beans, bananas baked into bread, pumpkin in rolls and pies, wheat ground into several varieties of bread, apples, mandarin oranges and pineapple ... fruit of the earth, all. And it was good. Amen.


WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Never value the valueless. The trick is knowing how to recognize it." (Sidney Madwed)

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