Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Bad Nutrition Label

So, you've got an incriminating document on your hands. (The empty wrapper of a candy bar you just guiltily but joyfully consumed.) The authorities are closing in (your spouse heard the rustle of the wrapper as you opened it.) You need to get rid of the evidence, but your shredder is in the other room. What do you do?

Reach for your Shredsors.

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THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ON YOUR NUTRITION LABEL

"This product contains your daily, weekly, and quite possibly annually recommended allowance of sodium."

"Purchase of this can may be considered illegal in 34 states."

The word "Soylent." In any context.

"No animals were harmed in the making of this snack food. Much."

"Official cereal of The Mafia."

Claw marks.

"Sanitized for Your Protection."

"Heart-Stoppingly Good!"

[Chris White's Top Five on Food with edits and lots of additional material by Mark Raymond]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Why would anyone eat a bagel? It's an unsweetened doughnut with rigor mortis." (Beatrice and Ira Freeman, paraphrased)

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