Rejected TSA Slogans

Well, what was supposed to be a one week trip for my wife to help get her parents to Florida will have turned into a month or longer due to her stepfather's medical issues. In fact, we are now even investigating the possibility of flying the family down to see her on Christmas weekend, pending the results of another pair of her stepdad's doctor's appointments, because she may need to stay into January.

I'm just grateful my daughter is now so capable with helping me around the house, picking up much of the work Bonnie normally does and allowing me to continue my extracurricular projects, such as this post and several others to which I've vaguely referred recently.

To help with your family's organizational needs, try the free family calendar - that can be edited by any family member and is also available via any Internet-connected mobile device - at Cozi. They also have shopping and to-do lists, all free. Once you sign up, you can even create a family website.

Meanwhile, I've been busy checking out flights and travel arrangements and I've realized that sooner or later one of us will be bumping up against the new TSA (Transportation Security Administration) regulations and scanners.

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REJECTED SLOGANS FOR THE TSA

Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants.

Grope discounts available.

We rub you the wrong way so you can be on your way.

If we did our job any better, we'd have to buy you dinner first.

It's not a grope. It's a freedom pat.

Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy.

[submitted by list member Pierre L.]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord." (Proverbs 19:14)

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Holiday Origin?

As we prepare to put January in the rear view mirror of our journey down the road of life, Maria Gracia has your February already planned out for you, at least if you want to get a good start on organizing your life and enjoy checking things off.

Me, I'm just counting the days until Spring.

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Pig farmers have never done well in the United States. Most Americans simply prefer beef to pork. Hamburger remains an American favorite, even though it contains absolutely no ham.

The people who raise pigs were hopeful to see a significant increase in their sales and business after the Mad Cow Disease scares, but soon saw that the poultry and fish industries were the ones who profited the most. Sales of ham and bacon remained virtually unchanged.

So the National Porcine Administration hired a major Madison Avenue advertising firm to try and boost the sales of pork products. Soon there was an intensive advertising campaign saturating magazines, television, and radio with ads urging people to eat patties made from pork.

The campaign was given an added boost when special interest lobbyists convinced Congress to designate the second day of February as a national holiday when every family in the country would be urged to eat pork burgers.

That day would be celebrated as, naturally, Ground Hog Day.

[from Jokes Central with thanks to Stan Kegel]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion." (Proverbs 11:22)

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