Master Gardener

My wife has a tiny garden in the backyard, where we are growing cherry tomatoes and green peppers, plus a couple of decorative plants. We also have a tinier garden in the front. Honestly, we're not much on gardening - don't have enough free time to give the plants the attention they deserve - but if you are, list member Susan B. has a site and a master gardener for you.

His name is, appropriately, Doug Green.

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On my morning walks I always pass a little roadside cafe nestled in a spectacular garden setting. For years, I've stopped to stare at it and enjoy its beauty, nearly an acre of color changing with the seasons. I've often thought that anyone could have a garden like that, if we only had the same gardening staff employed by this restaurant.

But I'd always walked by too early to see any of the staff at work. One day, however, I couldn't get out for my walk until the afternoon. As I passed the cafe, I saw an elderly man emerge from a garden shed, carrying a tray of begonias. Seeing me as I stood there appreciating the garden, he invited me over for a closer look. I asked him if he was the Head Gardener. He shook his head and replied, "Just the assistant."

He explained that he had arrived here 27 years ago, from Hungary, and went to work at the cafe as their cleaning man. In his free time, he tended the restaurant's potted geraniums. At that time they were the only flowers in the garden. When he saw that the geraniums thrived, the owner allowed his custodian to plant some rosebushes.

My puzzlement grew as this old gardener explained to me how, year after year, he'd plant just a little more. A lilac here, a marigold there, a patch of tulips near the parking lot, until the garden had become the showplace it is today.

And I asked wonderingly, if he had done all this, "what does the Head Gardener do?"

The old Hungarian smiled and looked heavenward, then happily said, "He makes the flowers grow."

[Elizabeth Sherrill in Guideposts Greetings via Wit and Wisdom]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." (Isaiah 58:9-11)

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Bait

Welcome to the second half of 2009.

July is "National Read An Almanac" month.

So I would be remiss if I didn't point you in this direction.

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My husband Ed and our grandson, Eddy, were digging up a corner of my garden one fine Saturday morning, on the hunt for bait so they could go fishing.

Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy held it up proudly for his Grandpa to see.

"No, Eddy, that won't do," says Ed, "he's not an earthworm."

"He's not?" asked Eddy, eyes wide. "What planet is he from?"

[Smile A Day Humor]

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WONDER for YOUR WEEK: Who does the editing on those TV fishing shows? How do they determine what's too boring to show?

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Smarter

In my new job, I have to get my body out of bed about 3:00 a.m. every day and, frankly, my circadian rhythms are struggling to make that work for me. I am plum tuckered out.

So, my apologies, but just the joke today. I gotta go take a nap!

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Feeling listless, I bought some expensive "brain stimulating" pills at our local health food store, but I didn't bother to read the label until I got home.

"Oh, I can't believe it!" I exclaimed in complaint to my husband. "This is just rosemary extract!"

"So?" he said.

"So I can't believe I paid so much for something that's growing wild all over the backyard!"

"See?" he intoned. "You're smarter already."

[Reader's Digest]

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WONDER for YOUR WEEK: Why does it take so much to prove you're smart but only one thing to prove you're an idiot?

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Nerves of Steel

It's not yet quite Spring, but yesterday evening we had our first thunderstorm of 2009 here in southeast Michigan. (Daily link: Very cool images of lightning thanks to Google's Image Search.)

My wife made the comment that "the lightning will turn our grass green." I had never heard that before and frankly, it sounded like just about the goofiest thing ever.

So I did some checking and yes, she appears to be correct, though scientists think it needs further research. Apparently, lightning releases nitrogen into the air with such intensity that it combines with the oxygen to create nitrates and then the rain filters it to the ground and fertilizes the grass, turning it green. Or at least helping the process along.

God's design for the world remains simple yet elegant. And maybe a little goofy.

Or that could just be me.

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NERVES of STEEL

My friend George, an ex-Marine aviator, wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane, so we took off one cloudy Sunday afternoon for a ride.

George was putting the plane through its paces when I noticed that a storm front had moved directly between us and the airport. We had no choice but to go through it.

Shortly we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning flashing all around us and thunder booming. After one particularly close lightning strike, we lost the radio and most of the instrumentation.

As we're being buffeted about and I'm hanging on for dear life, I hear George say, "Uh-oh."

Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"

"I've got the hiccups," George replies. "Do something to scare me."

[Pastor Tim's Cybersalt Digest; retelling by Mark Raymond]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: With technology making the world seem smaller and smaller, families are becoming more and more separated from each other geographically. This has the effect of making our friendships just as emotionally important to us as our family relationships. The Word Spy says the word for this happenstance is "framily." When your close friends are just as important to you as your brothers or sisters, you have framily ties.

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Gardening

If your flowers don't smell as sweet anymore, there's a good reason for it: air pollution.

Apparently the scent molecules in flowers bond with ozone pollutants, which destroy the aromatic effects.

As a result, the bee population is dropping, according to Live Science.

Hmmm, maybe that Jerry Seinfeld "Bee Movie" was on to something, after all. Could be time to watch it again on DVD.

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PLANT HUMOR

"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig." (Texas Bix Bender)

"My wife's a water sign. I'm an earth sign. We make mud." (Rodney Dangerfield)

Could you call a stolen yam a hot potato?

"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for how to grow in rows." (Doug Larson)

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done.

"Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration." (Lou Erickson)

THE REAL MEANING OF GARDEN CATALOG TERMS:

"A favorite of birds" - don't plant it anywhere near your car or clothesline.

"Grows more beautiful each year" - will look like road kill for the foreseeable future.

"Zone 5 with protection" - a variation on the phrase, "Russian Roulette".

"May require support" - your daughter's engineering degree will finally pay off.

"Moisture-loving" - plant only if you own a bog or a swamp.

"Carefree" - the plant's attitude, not your workload.

"Vigorous" - code for "the plant has a Napoleonic compulsion to take over your yard."

[selected from garden digest.com]

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First of all, let me take this brief opportunity to apologize to all of Canada for my post on Wednesday. You're all wonderful people and even the restaurant manager at Nathaniel's was only doing his job, I suppose, despite its churlish appearance. (Look it up.) So, for the record, please forgive me.

Secondly, this weekend holds Father's Day among its pleasures, and normally today's post would have featured holiday-appropriate material. However, that didn't happen for Mother's Day so in the interest of fair play, I'm not letting it happen today, either. As there was in May, there will be a special quotations tribute to fathers on my blog this Sunday.

Finally, Graduation Open House Season is upon us and begins in earnest this weekend. So I'll see you later, I've got to go buy some cards and pull some crisp 20's out of the bank.

I'll see you on Monday.

Mark

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: We recently - well, okay, it was about five months ago - rearranged our living room and went through our media library, finding many videos, DVDs, CDs, video games, and books we no longer wanted. The first thought that came to our mind was eBay, but now - five months later and still nothing put up on eBay - it may be time to look at http://www.swaptree.com. There you list the media you no longer want, and make a list of the books/music/movies/games you *do* want. Then the site goes and finds you trading partners. If the two of you agree to a swap, the site will even allow you to print shipping labels and tell you how much postage you'll have to pay. The postage, by the way, is the only thing that isn't free.

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Mark's Musings is a Habeas-certified spam free mailer. Subscribe, view past issues in the Archives, or help defray publishing costs at Mark's web site. To contact Mark, click here. To keep your winsome good looks, get plenty of sleep. Hey, maybe that's what happened to me.... You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. As always, credit detachment should only be done by a trained professional. Original material and commentary © 2008 by Mark Raymond. This paragraph right here falls under the "commentary" part of that sentence. My personal mission statement is John 3:30. Please do not leave your seat until the captain has finished docking the post.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots." (Frank A. Clark)