More Things I've Learned

DEPARTMENT of REMINDERS: For those of you who live in states that observe Daylight Savings Time (DST), it's time to "fall back." Set your clocks back one hour on Sunday, at 2:00 a.m., or Saturday before you go to bed. Secondly, the response to my "Life's Little Rules" request has been strong enough to warrant a post in one week. So you can still send me the "little rules" you live by and I'll compile them into a larger list for everyone. Click here to launch your e-mail program.

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I went to the doctor yesterday for my quarterly diabetic checkup and the usual laundry list of other miscellaneous medical items, so perhaps that's why this caught my attention Thursday evening.

Reminded me of Stephen Wright's line: "My plan is to live forever. So far, so good."

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MORE THINGS I'VE LEARNED

I've learned that no matter what, say what you feel and feel what you say, otherwise it's just words. (Age 14)

I've learned that God is an endless fountain of forgiveness and patience. (Age 17)

I've learned that we spend too much time wishing for things we don't have and missing the things we do. (Age 22)

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for a lifetime. (Age 27)

I've learned that love - not time - heals all wounds. (Age 31)

I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved. (Age 46)

I've learned that there are no unimportant acts of kindness. (Age 51)

I've learned never to go to bed with an argument unsettled. (Age 73)

[selected from Jokes Central]

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Whatever your tradition on Halloween, I hope you enjoy it and keep it good, clean, fun. We'll be clearing out another room. On Monday we begin the remodel of the room where my new home office will be housed.

I'll see you on Monday. And don't forget about the clock thing.

Mark

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: My son is participating in another one of those "grow a moustache" fundraisers during the month of November. This time it will raise money for prostate and testicular cancer. The site calls your 'stache a "mo" so the address is http://www.movember.com/. Look for my boy and vote for him, and pledge him money. And/or join the friendly contest yourself and let me know about it!

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday whether I want to or not using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and click through the pages over at my web site. To contact me and sooner or later get a reply, click here. To make a change, just start. Don't wait for a new day, or a new year, or a new spouse, just start now. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits need to feel wanted; just like me. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. Just call me Deadline Dan. So much to do.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "I will not allow yesterday's success to lull me into today's complacency, for this is the great foundation of failure." (Og Mandino)

Bird Dog

Do you like hummingbirds? Would you like to see one up close and personal?

Got $80?

A company called "Heat Stick" has taken a Plexiglas face mask, painted it to disguise your human features, and attached a small little hummingbird feeder to it. You put it on, then sit motionless in your garden until the hummingbird comes to feed. You are, quite literally, eye-to-eye with the avian.

I put a YouTube video demonstrating it down below.

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During quail season in Georgia, a journalist from Atlanta met an old farmer so he could do a feature on the hunt. The older man brought along his ancient pointer, as he had every season for years.

Twice while in the field, the pointer arthritically ran into the weeds and pointed. Twice his old master fired his shotgun up into the air.

When the skeptical journalist saw no birds rise, he asked the farmer for an explanation.

"Well, shucks," says the old man, "I knew there weren't no birds in that grass. Ol' Duke's nose ain't what it used to be. But I'll tell ya what, him and me have had some wonderful times out here together. He's still doing the best he can and it'd be mighty mean of me to start calling him a liar at this stage of the game!"

[Andychap's Funnies via Wit and Wisdom]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4:10)

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Mark's Musings barks up an RSS Feed and points the way to an e-mail each weekday. Read my post from your own Inbox by clicking here.

Funny Quotes

I have been remiss in not noting the passing of Milton Supman.

You might know him better as Soupy Sales. He spent a good part of his career on Detroit area television. For many years he hosted a children's television show that was probably most well known for pies in the face. Usually Soupy's, occasionally someone else's.

Disgruntled that he had to work one New Year's Day, he told the children in his audience that their parents had probably had a bad night and were most likely still sleeping. He told the children to sneak into their parents bedrooms and find their purses or wallets, then remove "those funny green pieces of paper with pictures of U.S. Presidents," then "put them in an envelope and send them to me, and I'll send you a postcard from Puerto Rico!"

Several days later - after money began arriving - he announced that he had been joking but was fired anyway. However, the children organized a picket outside a New York television station that went on for two weeks and eventually Soupy was put back on the air.

Oddly enough, Soupy never felt he received any respect working in children's television and did some variety television, movies, and appeared as a regular panelist on "What's My Line?" from 1968 to 1975.

Normally I would do a "Wit and Wisdom of Soupy Sales" post but the Internet is woefully thin on Soupy quotes. So we'll just do some humorous quotes from various sources.

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"Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect." (Stephen Wright)

"Electricity is really just organized lightning." (George Carlin)

"I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder that does that for me." (Stephen Fry)

"I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well." (Robert Benchley)

"If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style." (Quentin Crisp)

"Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative." (Henry Kissinger)

"My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare." (Mike Myers)

"Never raise your hand to your children ... it leaves your midsection unprotected." (Robert Orben)

"Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday." (Don Marquis)

"There comes a time in a man's life, and I've had plenty of them." (Casey Stengel)

[selected from brainyquote.com]

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WONDER for YOUR WEEK: Can an ambidextrous person make an offhand remark?

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Mark's Musings comes free every weekday on an RSS Feed or via e-mail and you can get it by clicking here.

Life's Little Instructions

At one point in my life - and this, I should say, is still on my to-do list - I thought I would jot down "Everything I Know About the World" so my children (and their children, presumably) would have something to not only remember me by, but to ponder and perhaps even live by. I suppose this is one reason why I started writing a blog several years back.

Well, a gentleman named Walker Lamond has more or less beaten me to the punch. He has just published a book based on his blog, "1001 Rules for My Unborn Son." There are about 400 published at the blog and, frankly, most of them are pretty good advice for just about everyone.

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SOME of LIFE'S LITTLE INSTRUCTIONS

Sing in the shower.

Never refuse homemade brownies.

Return borrowed vehicles with the gas tank full.

Compliment three people every day.

Floss your teeth.

Overtip the waitress. Most of them work harder than you ever will.

Use the good silver.

Sing in a choir.

Don't expect life to be fair.

Count your blessings.

[written by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions." (Oliver Wendell Holmes)

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Many, many posts ago I featured a "Life's Little Joys" and a "Life's Little Nuisances" theme that were written by all of us together. I'm feeling like maybe it's time for you to send me "Life's Little Rules" that you try to live by. I'll feature them in my Friday post on November 6, if I receive enough.

Mark's Musings is on an RSS Feed and also available via e-mail each weekday. Get your own subscription - it's free! - with a click here.

More Trivia

Wow. Busy weekend plus overtime at work equals a late, late post. 'Nuff said.

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ODD BUT APPARENTLY TRUE FACTS

In the U.S.A. it costs you $3.33 per megabyte second in broadband speed. In Japan you pay only 27 cents. The average speed here is 4.8 megabytes per second. Over there the average is 61 megabytes per second. This explains something, but I'm not sure what.

In the mid-1970s, there were an average of three house fires every two hours. 40% of available housing went up in flames.

Which state has the largest per-capita concentration of scientists holding a PhD? New Mexico.

Nearly $67 was spent by every man, woman, and child in the U.S. last year ... on Halloween.

Let's say you hate McDonald's fast food restaurants. What's the farthest away you can get from one? 107 miles as the crow flies, 145 miles by car.

Take the annual revenue figures from Target, Home Depot, Sears, K-Mart, Safeway, and Kroger. Now combine them. You still won't have as much as what Wal-Mart pulls in.

Remember Dr. Ruth Westheimer? Did you know that the Israeli military trained her as a sniper shortly after their independence in 1948? It's true.

What publications are printed the most in all the world? The Bible, the Harry Potter books, and IKEA catalogs. In that order.

[selected from Holy Crap Facts]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: It is so late I'm not taking time to track one down this week. Why don't we open this up for you? Is there a word or a phrase whose origin you've always wondered about? Send it in.

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Mark's Musings. RSS Feed to the right. Via e-mail each weekday. Get your own subscription by clicking here. You know this by now, right?

Heavenly Playground

As I've been preparing for the next couple of Sundays at church, I've wound up doing some listening to songs and reading some poems about heaven. One of them just tickled my imagination, as well as my funny bone and I thought I'd share it with you today.

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HEAVENLY PLAYGROUND
by Adrian Plass

Oh God, I'm not anxious to snuff it,
but when the Grim Reaper reaps me,
I'll try to rely on
my vision of Zion;
I know how I want it to be.

As soon as You greet me in Heaven,
and ask what I'd like, I shall say,
"I just want a chance
for my spirit to dance;
I want to be able to play."

Tell the angels to build a soft playground
designed and equipped just for me.
With a vertical slide
that's abnormally wide
and oceans of green PVC.

There'll be reinforced netting to climb on,
and rubberized floors that will bend.
And no one can die
so I needn't be shy
if I'm tempted to land on a friend!

I'm gonna go mad in the soft, squashy mangle,
and balmy with balls in the swamp
colored and spherical,
I'll be hysterical!
I'll have a heavenly romp!

There'll be cushions and punch bags and tires
in purple and yellow and red,
and a mushroomy thing
that will suddenly sing
if I kick it or sit on its head.

There'll be fountains of squash and ribina
to feed my continual thirst,
and none of that stuff
about "You've had enough,"
surely heavenly bladders won't burst.

I suppose I might be too tall for the entrance
but Lord, chuck the rules in the bin.
If I am too large,
tell the angel in charge
to let me bow down and come in.

[written by Adrian Plass; taken from the "City of Gold" CD. Note: Ribina is an uncarbonated fruit drink]

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Well, tomorrow night we're going to see comedians Bill Engvall and John Pinette with some good friends. Should be fun! Then on Sunday we're spending some time with extended family. Looks like a good weekend!

May yours be as full, and I'll see you on Monday.

Mark

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: Why not point you to this prolific, witty, insightful writer. Please visit him and perhaps even purchase a book or two at http://www.adrianplass.com/.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and otherwise romp happily through the pages over to my web site. To contact me and sooner or later get a reply, click here. Heaven. Hope to see you there. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. At least the part that tells them where to find me. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. Gosh, is it bedtime already? Again? Morning comes so early.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Naturally, we cannot say much about the spiritual body, because we cannot imagine what it would be like to have a spiritual body different from that which we now inhabit but it seems to me reasonable to believe that we are weaving our spiritual bodies as we go along." (William R. Matthews)

If I Ever Get Married Again....

I'm going to do it like this. Congratulations, Jill and Kevin! And thanks to my Facebook friend Olugbenro. Speaking of which, if you're reading this on FB, click "View Original Post" to see the video. You'll feel better about life.

More Book Titles

I imagine the day will come when hardbound and paperback books will be found only at antique stores and yard sales. Probably not in our lifetime, but then again, perhaps. I am reading that there is set to be an "explosion" of Electronic Reading Devices, or "e-Readers" out this Christmas. More than three million of the things are predicted to be sold.

You know about Amazon's Kindle, which was the first mass market device. Best Buy sells one called the "iRex," which runs on Verizon's network. Sony is debuting its "Daily Edition" reader later this year, and Barnes & Noble just came out with their "Nook" reader, calling it "The World's Most Advanced eBook Reader."

I'm torn about this trend. In one way, these things make an enormous amount of sense, what with technology finally being able to keep up with it, and from the "green" conservation aspect ... if we're not publishing millions of pages, then how many more trees are being saved? But on the other hand, there's just nothing like holding a solid book in your hand, being able to highlight it if you like, or make notes in the margins. And it's kind of hard to let a friend borrow an e-book.

What are your thoughts? Click "Comment" and let our little community know.

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MORE BOOKS BY APPROPRIATE AUTHORS

"Register Your Invention" by Pat Tent.

"What to Do When You're Unemployed" by Anita Chob.

"The Burglar" by Robin Banks.

"You Can Play Like Benny Goodman" by Clara Nett.

"The Art of Fisticuffs" by Donny Brooke.

"Come On In" by Doris O. Penn.

"The Last Trip" by Paul Bearer.

"I Love Mathematics" by Adam Upp.

"It's Not a Guitar!" by Amanda Lynn.

"How to Fence In Your Herd" by Barb Dwyer.

[JokeMaster and several websites; editing by Mark Raymond]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...." (Hebrews 12:2)

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Mark's Musings publishes to an RSS Feed and is also delivered each weekday via e-mail. Read my post from your own Inbox by clicking here.

Left-Handed Compliment

My wife is into photography a little bit. You know that.

She has not gone as far as this guy has, however. Alan Jaras has actually removed the lens from his camera and replaced it with a series of transparent and textured materials, and then shoots a beam of light through his makeshift lens directly onto 35mm film.

He then develops the film and digitally scans it. The photos at the link are all as they appear on the film itself. No computer enhancements have been added.

Awesome.

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AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE

We were having some friends of ours over for dinner one evening. Prior to the meal, the wife was looking at some of the photographs I had framed and mounted on our walls.

"Did you take these photographs?" she asked.

"Why, yes, I did."

"They're marvelous," she gushed. "You must have a very good camera."

The following week my wife and I went to have dinner at their house. After the meal, I asked the hostess if she had cooked the meal herself.

"Why yes, I did," she replied.

"It was delicious," I said. "You must have very good pots and pans."

[source unknown; several websites have it posted]

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WONDER for YOUR WEEK: Does a camera weigh more after a picture is taken?

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Mark's Musings comes free every weekday via an RSS Feed and e-mail and you can get it by clicking here.

Tidy Bed

A quick trip through our home - even a cavalier jog ... okay, even a mad dash at full speed - would reveal we're not much on cleaning. We periodically have to invite people over so we have a reason to do it. You, too?

But when you do clean, here's a few methods using mostly stuff you may already have lying around your home to do some nasty jobs. Plus there's a bunch more methods in the comments section at the bottom.

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My wife and I are teachers, and the way we teach often spills over into our home. One morning our young daughter was getting ready for school and as I walked by her bedroom, I peeked in to make sure she had tidied it up as we asked.

"You call *that* a made-up bed?" I asked.

"No, Dad," Maggie replied, "it's just a rough draft."

[Joe's Clean Laffs]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "When it comes to housework, the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or perhaps I mean why." (Katharine Whitehorn)

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Mark's Musings is available via RSS Feed and e-mail each weekday. Get your own squeaky clean subscription - it's free! - with a click here.

Monday Groaners

Trying to finish up a quartet of pressing projects here, so just the joke today. I haven't done Monday groaners in awhile now, have I?

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YOUR MONDAY GROANERS

A famous author was asked to shorten the length of the new novel he'd just submitted. He took the manuscript on an ocean cruise to do the work. During the entire trip, however, there was rough waters and he felt sick to his stomach and just couldn't get a thing done. When he returned, he phoned his editor to let her know that he just couldn't "abridge over troubled waters."

Never share a secret with someone while at your bank. All the clerks there are tellers.

Did I tell you about the man who taught a primate how to fly in his blimp? He wanted a hot air baboon.

Never leave your cheesecake in Death Valley. You wouldn't want to desert your dessert in the desert.

I heard about a country with a leader so dense, he purchased 1,000 septic tanks. As soon as they learn to drive them, they're going to invade a neighboring country.

So I went to a store that sold a large variety of thermometers. I wanted to ask some in-depth questions, but no one there could help me. All the employees were temps.

Did the very first railroad conductor have to read the training manual?

No matter what the weather, the royal family wore reign coats.

Our local post office caught fire one afternoon. The next day *everyone* in town was blackmailed.

I saw a store that specialized in selling used camping equipment. It was called "Past Tents."

[selected from JokeMaster with heavy editing and reformatting by Mark Raymond]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: In Ancient Greece, an "ostrakon" was a tile, or a shard from a broken pot. When certain individuals were threatening the stability of a society, the citizens got together and if they wanted to kick these troublemakers out of the community (usually for a period of ten years), they would cast their vote by writing a "yay or nay" on a pot shard and throwing it in to a pot. This process was called "ostrakizein." We know it today as the word "ostracize." If someone has been ostracized, he or she has been deliberately excluded from a group/clique/institution or circle of friends.

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Mark's Musings is available via RSS Feed or e-mail each weekday. Get your own subscription by clicking here.

Sweetest Sayings

It's my job to remind you that here in the States, tomorrow is "Sweetest's Day." So do something nice for your sweetie.

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NICEST THINGS TO SAY TO THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE

I wonder if God knows He's missing an angel?

If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.

I hope you're carrying a map. I keep getting lost in your eyes.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful/handsome as you, why I'd have five whole cents.

If you were words on a page, you'd be the "fine" print.

Honey, do we have any band-aids? I keep falling for you.

If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd be walking in my gardens forever.

You really shouldn't wear makeup. Why mess with perfection?

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd be holding a galaxy in my hand.

If being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.

Me without you is like a teen without braces
A shoe without laces
Asentencewithoutspaces.

There are only a few days in my life I can absolutely remember. The day my children were born. The day I was married. And most of all, the day I met you.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first. (Redneck relationships only)

Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the sky, and matched each star with another reason why I love you.

[tweaked from Top Greetings and Pickup Lines Galore]

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I have my fantasy baseball awards meeting and wrap up this weekend. Didn't do so well in either league this year. Wondering if I should even play next year....

Anyway, I'll see you on Monday.

Mark

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: So now that pretty much everyone knows about eBay and Amazon, maybe you need to fish in a little smaller pond to snag your online bargains. Try http://shopgoodwill.com/. Plus you get warm fuzzies from knowing your purchase goes to help out a good cause; Goodwill uses the proceeds to train handicapped and displaced workers for new jobs.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday - usually earlier than this - using Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and otherwise romp happily through the pages over to my web site. If you need to change your e-mail address or you're all mused out and need to unsubscribe, use the "Change Subscription" or "Cancel Subscription" links at the very bottom of this page, but carefully, please. To contact me and sooner or later get a reply, click here. Sorry I was so late with today's post. Busybusybusy. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. Thanks for caring about my credits. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update my blog with a copy of this post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. Gosh, is it bedtime already? (sigh)

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "So what to do? Two things, it seems to me. At least two. Use up each day. Fill it to overflowing with good. Deliberately enjoy it. Two, begin now. Mend a fractured friendship, mail an overdue letter, repair a broken heart, lay aside a grievance, act on a noble impulse." (Lanny Henninger)

Mr. Toad's Ride

Did you ever want to meet a friend somewhere, but your friend lived on the other side of the county and you could never figure out the right place at which to meet? Or maybe there's a group of you and you don't know where to get together so no one has to really drive much farther than anyone else.

Well, enter "A Place Between Us." You can enter as many addresses as you want, and the program will come darn close to finding the epicenter ... you can even tell it what type of place you'd like to meet - coffee shop, restaurant, church - and it will peg the ones nearest to your epicenter.

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It was the first time my four-year-old daughter had been to Disney World. She couldn't wait to go on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. As the car zoomed through the crazy rooms, into the path of a speeding train, and right through walls that miraculously fell away at the last second, she sat clutching the steering wheel, white-knuckled, and screaming.

When the ride was over, she looked up at me and shakily said, "Next time you drive. I didn't know where I was going."

[Joe's Clean Laffs]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another -- and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:25)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed and also via e-mail each weekday. Take my post out for a spin by clicking here.

Secret Shopper

Every now and again I will put together our grocery list. Lately it's been more now than again, but that's due to the fact I get out of work in the early afternoon these days. And on every list I find I'm jotting down what you might call "household essentials." Things like toilet paper, toothpaste, razors, trash bags, vitamins, shampoo, soap, etc.

Well, because I'm all about stuff you can do with the Internet here at Mark's Musings, you can now order these items online, and shipped right to your door for free ... at a price that's the same or, quite often, less than what you'd pay down at the corner grocer's or local big box store.

So go see Alice. She'll also remind you of when you're probably running low on these items, and she'll even scour the Internet and retailers to find coupons that could save you even more money.

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As a secret shopper for a large department store, my sister made purchases at various chains and then reported back to the supervisors on the clerks' performances. After a few weeks of doing this, I asked her how she liked her job.

"I love it!" she replied. "I'm getting paid for doing two of my favorite things in life -- shopping and criticizing people!"

[Reader's Digest via Joe's Clean Laffs]

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WONDER for YOUR WEEK: Why do cashiers always insist on putting the coins on top of the bills?

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Mark's Musings comes on an RSS Feed and via e-mail for free almost every day and you can get it by clicking here.

Yard Sale Rules

My parents furnished a good chunk of their home with yard sale items and held their own mega-sales until their vehicle collision three years ago. And while the yard sale bug never really got under my skin, I do appreciate finding a bargain. Our subdivision holds a big sale every Mother's Day weekend here.

If you enjoy visiting yard sales, then you will probably find this handy Yard Sale Treasure Map helpful. You plug in your address and the program pulls all the yard sales posted on Craigslist - where the majority of people advertise these days - within a set amount of miles from your starting point.

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YARD SALE RULES

Anything that looks awful at a yard sale will continue to look awful in your home.

Never buy health insurance at a yard sale.

There is only one set of junk for yard sales, and every family gets to rent it from a central office in Peoria and sell it on rotating weekends.

Decide in advance what you want to buy and how much you want to spend. Then completely forget about these rules at the first place you stop.

Remember, if you can't possibly give something away, you probably *can* sell it.

Try to avoid spending $20 on gas to drive around to yard sales where you will argue about paying $3.25 for a lamp marked $4.00.

[selected from ha life.com]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is, 'Why did God create goyim?' (a group of people who are not Jewish). The generally accepted answer is, 'somebody has to buy retail.' " (Arthur Naiman)

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Mark's Musings is available via RSS Feed and also via e-mail each weekday. Get your own subscription - it's free! - with a click here.

Coaching Future

Columbus Day, 2009.

As Christopher Columbus landed in 1492, and had we the technology available then, would he have wanted to send an e-mail to himself to be read oh, say a year into the future? What would he have wanted to say to himself in 1493? ("Don't give up! There *is* a shorter way to India!")

Hmmm.

Well, now we do have the technology to send yourself an e-mail in the future. Need to remind yourself of something you need to do? Want to remember what you're going through now and how you felt about it? Do you need to send your children a loving letter at some point after you've passed on?

Do it all at Future Me. Make sure you're using an e-mail address that's still likely to be there.

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It's said that Robert Knight, fabled for his temper on the basketball sidelines as a coach, had turned his thoughts to his future after his last firing, and was contemplating more than just basketball. So he called his church pastor one day and asked him, "Reverend, will I be able to coach basketball in Heaven?"

His pastor, not wanting to give a glib answer, asked for a few days to pray and meditate upon the issue.

About a week later, he returned Bob Knight's call and asked him to come in and meet with him in his study.

"Well, Bob," says the pastor, as the two sit down together, "there's good news and there's bad news. The good news is that yes, you'll be able to coach basketball in Heaven."

"Great!" exclaims Bob. "What's the bad news?"

"Unless you get a handle on that temper of yours, you'll be coaching for the visiting team."

[Colorado Comments]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: Bobby Knight was once the very definition of the word "cantankerous," which is quarrelsome, ill-tempered, crotchety, ornery, and difficult to handle. It's one of those words that no one is quite sure where it came from, but the explanation I like best is that it's a mish-mash of the words "contentious" and "rancorous."

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Mark's Musings riles up an RSS Feed and is also available via e-mail each weekday. Get all future mailings with your own subscription by clicking here.

Michael Moeschen's Triangle

I have always admired the skill of people who could juggle. I've tried. I really have. I can barely juggle one ball, let alone two, let alone three, let alone inside a triangle, let alone knowing exactly where to throw each ball and knowing exactly how hard to throw each ball.....

And don't even get me started on juggling with your feet.

It Made My Day

You may remember me telling you that several years ago I ran a couple posts on "Life's Little Joys." They were perhaps the most popular thing I'd ever done in this space.

Well, now I've stumbled across a website devoted to folks sharing life's little joys, though not all of them are family friendly. I've selected some of my favorites.

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IT MADE MY DAY

I found out that the horribly ugly "knockoff" purse I had won at a raffle was not a knockoff. It was the real thing and now I am selling it for $1,200. It made my day.

I asked my fourth-graders to draw something organic, which I explained was something that was once living. One of my kids drew a zombie. It made my day.

There's a bully at school who steals my lunch. My mum served him justice. She laced my lunch with laxatives and I let him steal it without a fight. It made my day.

My desk drawer wouldn't close so I pulled everything out. I found a paper I'd been looking for, ten dollars, and an unopened chocolate bar. It made my day.

Expecting to get the answer, "penguins," I asked my three-year-old cousin what kind of birds don't fly? She turned to me and quite earnestly said, "Dead ones." It made my day.

After someone's cell phone went off and disrupted my class, the professor lectured us for 20 minutes about how disruptive they are. She said the next person whose cell phone rang would be kicked out of class. Then her own phone rang. It made my day.

I was working at a special needs day camp and a kid was picking his nose. I told him to stop and he said, "I'm not picking my nose, I'm cleaning my finger." It made my day.

I could hear the bass line of the music from a block away and prepared myself for the inevitable blast of hip hop or rap as the "tricked out" convertible drove past. Turned out the driver was playing Mozart at maximum volume. It made my day.

Today I walked into my school bookstore looking for the wallet I had lost. They found it, then offered me a job and hired me. It made my day.

I was driving and singing the theme song from "Arthur" ridiculously loud with the windows rolled down. I stopped for a traffic light and another car pulled up next to me. They waited a second, and then started singing along with me. It made my day.

My wife bought me a hideously ugly watch for our anniversary because she didn't like the one I was wearing. She kept insisting I wear it and on the day I did, I got mugged. They took only the watch. It made my day.

My 13-year old niece convinced her parents to adopt two kittens instead of one by using a PowerPoint presentation. It made my day.

[selected from itmademyday.com; mild editing by Mark Raymond]

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I'll see you on Monday.

Mark

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: So I was trolling the web, looking for a picture of an old-time handlebar mustache to go with my post from Tuesday, when I ran across the podcast site of The Mustache Rangers at http://www.mustacherangers.com/. It's a throwback to the old-fashioned science fiction radio serial shows. You can listen right from their website or download these short audio clips to a music player for listening later. They kind of remind me of a more droll version of Bob and Doug Mackenzie, the bumbling brothers of Second City TV's "Great White North" segments. One content warning: there are nearly 130 podcasts and I didn't listen to all of them, so I can't tell you there's no bad language, but in the three that I did listen to, there was nothing objectionable and I got the impression that bad language was something they were intentionally trying to stay away from.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday using faithful Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and otherwise click your mouse over to my web site. To contact me and sooner or later get a reply, click here. My wife has been home sick for a trio of days, fending off a nasty sinus infection making the rounds of our area. I've been doing my best impression of a man trying desperately to prove he loves her while staying far enough away to not get sick. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. Take off my credits, my wife will box up some germs and ship them straight to your door. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. Pretty cool video posted this past Thursday here. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. In the words of Stan Lee, Excelsior!

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

M.J. Medley

One of my Facebook friends posted this video and I enjoyed it enough to bring it to you here on the blog. It's a production from a pair of Yale alumni, Kurt Schneider and Sam Tsui.

It's also a nifty video editing trick and one smooth arrangement of the late Michael Jackson's most famous hits.

Enjoy.

Vet Exam

I find myself in the position of having to take a few prescription drugs along with my vitamins and minerals. Occasionally, a situation will arise where I find a pill outside of its bottle. Now, I don't take so many that I can't readily identify it, but if, for some reason, you do ... you might find this helpful.

I plugged in the information from a few of my pills, and it nailed the right pill on the first try, every time.

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A Veterinarian was feeling ill for a few days and finally decided to go visit her doctor.

Her doctor began asking all the usual questions ... what were the symptoms? When did the symptoms develop? Et cetera.

Finally, the Veterinarian says, "Look, Doc, I have to deal with patients who can't answer these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by a visual inspection. Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down closely, then whipped out his prescription pad and jotted down instructions for the pharmacy.

Then he handed it to her and said, "Of course, if this doesn't work, we'll have to put you down."

[Net 153's Smile A Day]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble. The Lord will protect him and preserve his life; he will bless him in the land and not surrender him to the desire of his foes. The Lord will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness." (Psalm 41:1-3)

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Mark's Musings looks over an RSS Feed and is also available via e-mail, no appointment needed. Take your own subscription by clicking here.

Lost A Star

My wife and I, due to the nature of our work and social schedules, often find we have to grab a bite on the run.

If that happens to you, then you may find this a source of unhealthy joy.

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SIGNS THAT FIVE-STAR RESTAURANT HAS LOST AT LEAST ONE STAR

In place of fine silver, you get a spork.

The new menu makes heavy use of quotation marks, especially with the word "beef."

The sign in the restroom that says "Employees must wash hands" now ends with the words "at least monthly."

Your child points, squeals with delight, and shouts "Look! Ratatouille!"

It just installed a plastic ball bounce house and hired a clown.

[Chris White's Top Five on Food w/family friendly edits and additional material by Mark Raymond]

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WONDER for YOUR WEEK: Why do they call it a drive-through? Isn't it really a drive-around?

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed and also via e-mail each weekday. Hey, subscribe to Mark's Musings here.

Compliment?

So if you've always wanted to grow a mustache but your wife was totally against the idea, now you have a good reason that she shouldn't be able to refuse.

I already have one or I'd totally be entering this contest. It's for such a good cause. Let me know if you enter and what your username is and I'll point the list in your direction.

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Driving along on a sunny day, my sister was on top of the world. She was taking her granddaughter for a ride, and had her in the passenger seat next to her.

After a few minutes of pleasant conversation, the granddaughter says, "Grandma, is Grandpa older than you?"

"Why, yes," replied my sister, happy to hear this. "Your Grandpa is a few years older than I am." Wanting to hear more, she goes fishing for a compliment by saying, "Why do you ask, dear?"

"Well," says her granddaughter, "his mustache is a lot bigger than yours."

[as seen in Da Mouse Tracks]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that." (Lauren Bacall)

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Mark's Musings shaves an RSS Feed and is also available with pomade via e-mail each weekday. Grow your own subscription with a click here.

Professor's Interpretations

What's wrong with our public school systems? Much like the church, you could probably take nearly any position you wanted and have some corner of the truth on your side.

But the folks at Edutopia say, "here's what works."

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WHAT YOUR PROFESSORS SAY AND WHAT THEY MEAN

They say: "You'll be using one of the leading textbooks in the field."
They mean: "I wrote it."

They say: "If you follow a few simple rules, you'll do fine in this course."
They mean: "If you don't need sleep, you'll do fine in this course."

They say: "The gist of what the author is saying is what's most important."
They mean: "I don't really understand the details, myself."

They say: "Various authorities are in one mind on...."
They mean: "My hunch is as good a guess as theirs."

They say: "Your paper needs some minor revision."
They mean: "I never got around to reading it."

They say: "Don't come in late during my lecture."
They mean: "I have the attention span of a fruit fly."

They say: "There will not be a term paper required this semester."
They mean: "They gave me no budget for a teaching assistant."

They say: "Attendance is mandatory and is factored into your grade."
They mean: "I'm so boring that's the only way I can get you to show up."

They say: "That question is beyond the scope of this class."
They mean: "I don't know."

They say: "For a thorough answer to your question, see me during my office hours."
They mean: "I really don't know."

They say: "Well, you must realize there are several disparate points of view...."
They mean: "I really don't know and I'm not likely to ever find out the answer."

They say: "The answer to every question is 'C'."
They mean: "I just got tenure."

[selected from Net 153s Smile A Day and Purdue University's website]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: Speaking of college, when I attended good ol' William Jewell out in Missouri, one of the things I did there was write and act in what we believed was the first science fiction radio theater. A short-lived, six episode audio drama we called "The Intrepid Adventures." This was the mid-70s, folks, and we were heavily influenced by Star Trek, The Original Series, but we were also boldly going where no one had gone before, to borrow a phrase. But from where does that word "Intrepid" arise? The old Latin word "trepidus" meant "alarmed." You can see where we pull the word "trepidation" out of it. By adding the negative modifier "in" to it, you get a meaning of "not alarmed" with the word intrepid. The more common meaning is "resolutely courageous, or fearless." The Intrepid was the name of the space-going vessel our fictional crew inhabited.

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Mark's Musings warps onto an RSS Feed and is also available via e-mail. Beam your own subscription into your Inbox each weekday with an intrepid click here. Facebook Crew: please click "View Original Post" and then report to your duty station.

Heart Thoughts 3

I think you're due for another round of serious thinking.

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HEART THOUGHTS

Life is full of miracles, but not always the ones we pray for.

When no one around you seems to measure up, perhaps you should check your yardstick.

The biggest, craziest things to do are always the easiest. There's no competition.

It's more important to know where you're going than to see how fast you can get there.

A limit on what you will do puts a limit on what you can do.

The archer that shoots beyond the target misses just as much as the one whose arrow falls short.

When you come across a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.

The one who strikes the first blow admits they lost the argument.

The problem with giving advice is that people feel obligated to repay you.

Today's preparation determines tomorrow's achievement.

Too many people miss the silver lining because they're looking for the cloud.

Ambition may be a good thing, but it can sure get a person into a lot of hard work.

There is no fool like an old fool, except, perhaps, an older fool.

[with thanks to It Made My Day, Menards, and list member Cliff R.]

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My wife and daughter are out of town with my mother-in-law and her husband, attending our niece's wedding in Indiana. Did I mention enough family ties there? Meanwhile, I'm staying behind because my band is playing in Port Huron Saturday night. Let me know if you need any more details about that.

Anyway, I'll see you on Monday.

Mark

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and it's also National Stamp Collecting Month. So why not combine both and pick up some Breast Cancer semi-postal stamps at http://tinyurl.com/yajf4xf? The stamps are $11.00 for a sheet of 20, but 9-cents from each stamp goes for research to find a cure. So how can $1.80 per sheet help fund a cure? Well, the USPS has been selling the stamp since 1998 and has raised more than $62 million in that time, according to the 2009 Postal Facts page.

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Mark's Musings is sent each weekday using faithful Ezine Director and I pay a little extra every day to make sure my posts are certified by Habeas to be a safe source of e-mail. Subscribe, view past issues in my Archives, and otherwise click your mouse over to my web site. To contact me and sooner or later get a reply, click here. In this space I usually insert some silly non-sequitir to entice you to read the fine print. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. Credit sabotage is un-American, and if you live outside the U.S., it's just not nice. Original material and musings © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of my post daily and occasionally with "bonus material" whenever the mood or muse strikes. Look for the label that says "bonus" and you can bring all that extra material up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. Find me on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/baldmark/. Wow, three times this week the post came out late in the afternoon ... that's like, tomorrow in Australia.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done." (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)