Monday, January 31, 2011

Fruit Groaners


So we're at the grocery store yesterday - yes, I do occasionally help with the shopping - and we hit the Produce section, and suddenly we start wondering which fruits and vegetables are truly fresh? Which ones are "in season" right now.

Pull out the Smartphone, and bam! We have our answer. And you have a new resource.

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FRUIT and VEGETABLE GROANERS

Which vegetable did Noah leave off the Ark?
Leeks.

What was Noah's favorite fruit?
Pears.

What is small, red, and whispers?
A hoarse radish.

How do you fix a cracked jack-o-lantern?
You use a pumpkin patch.

What vegetable might you find in your basement?
Cellar-y.


[selected from the Internet]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: As I finish writing this, January has less than five hours to go, so let's look at February. It's International Hoof Care Month; gosh, what more do you need to know? It's Relationship Wellness Month (something to do with Valentine's Day, I wager). Speaking of Valentine's Day, it's Women's Heart Week. Wednesday is Groundhog Day, Thursday is Chinese New Year, Friday is World Cancer Day, and this Sunday is not only Super Bowl Sunday, but my band is playing a fundraising praise and worship concert at our church for Sunday morning service.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Bad Blind Date Lines


Good heavens. I just realized I hadn't changed the year on my post dates. Nearly a month in. Well, that's been fixed.

Speaking of dates (in two of the word's three meanings), Valentine's Day is just a trio of Mondays away. Which means it's time, gentlemen, for your refresher primer on what you're saying by the color of roses you give her.

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THINGS YOU DON'T NECESSARILY WANT TO HEAR ON A BLIND DATE

"That's odd. You sounded handsome on the phone."

"I'd love to go there for dessert, but it's outside the 2-mile radius of my ankle bracelet."

"Please stop talking to the waiter in Klingon."

"I didn't realize sweater vests were still in fashion...."

"Huh. I thought Kim was a woman's name."

"I just love gravy on my pancakes."

"You used to model before? Do you have the number of the person who modeled 'after'?"

"So do you shine that bald spot or is the glare natural?"

"So when you have a downline, you make more money because you're the upline, see?"

"Nah. It's still bad. Have another mint."


[selected from around the web with several from Chris White's Top Five on relationships]

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WEBSITE of the WEEK: Give yourself a 120-second break at http://www.donothingfor2minutes.com/. It's quite relaxing. Thanks to my son and list member Matthew R.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Facts

In my web browser, I have several folders of bookmarks - or favorites (if you use Internet Explorer) - that have web pages I've saved for use in finding something interesting for you every day.

The latest is a site that calls itself Factoidz. It's one of those "together we are smarter than we are by ourselves" sites.

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MORE TRIVIA YOU MAY NEVER NEED TO KNOW [with useless commentary]

Switzerland has the highest per capita consumption of soft drinks. [Though, for a time, my daughter was trying hard to bring America up higher on the list.]

Your heart rate can rise as much as 30% during a yawn. [In fact, yawning while jogging can nearly be fatal.]

Bluebirds cannot see the color blue. [Blackbirds have been known to have trouble with plaid.]

When picking out a pumpkin for Halloween, look for the darker skins. The darker the skin, the longer the pumpkin will last. [Ours normally last until Easter. Of course, they're plastic....]

Need to call Antarctica? The area code is 672. [You can, however, count on one hand the number of people who might answer.]

The venom of a king cobra is so deadly that one gram can kill 150 people. [Much the same can be said about the music of Justin Bieber.]

X-rays of the Mona Lisa show that there are three completely different versions of the same subject, all painted by DaVinci, underneath the final portrait. ["Smile. No, don't smile. Look sad. Can you smile mysteriously? *That's* it!"]

A sneeze can travel up to 100 miles per hour. [Which explains what passed me on the expressway yesterday.]



[selected from nicefacts.com; I have not verified any of these]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:12-13)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

A Compliment?


This past Monday was Compliment Day.

There are several tools at that site I found to be encouraging. In fact, I felt a little better about myself just reading them!

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A guest preacher was called upon to fill in for the regular minister, who had gone away on vacation.

The substitute preacher began his message by explaining a little more about what "substitute" meant.

"If you break a window," he explained, "and then place cardboard there instead, that is a substitute. Not as good as a real replacement, but one that'll do in a pinch." He then went on to give a rousing good sermon.

After the service, one woman shook hands with him vigorously and exclaimed, "Wonderful! Let me give you a compliment, young man ... you were no substitute, you were a real pane!"


[Net 153s Smile A Day; retold by Mark Raymond]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: In the realm of polite Christianity, when something isn't very good yet the occasion calls for us to pay a compliment to the thing's creator or performer, we tend to fall back on saying something like, "Well, that was certainly unique." The word, as so many do, has its basis in Latin - it originates in the word "unus," which means "one." (Think union, unite, unanimous, even "E Pluribus Unum," which is on American currency. It means "Out of Many, One.") When you use the word unique, you are saying something is one of a kind.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Flight Software


Grabbed a cell phone snapshot of myself in my "deep winter" hat for today's corner pic. And just a reminder - if you want to see the picture in more detail, just click on that photo.

As I mentioned yesterday, this is "Clean Out Your Inbox Week" and as I write this, there are just under 8,300 messages in my Inbox. As part of my ongoing interests and as ammunition for this post, I receive approximately 75-90 e-mails each day, of which perhaps a dozen are from friends, bandmates, baseball buddies, and family. Many people receive more messages than that, even.

My personality is such that I have difficulty simply deleting unread e-mails without any idea of their intrinsic value. Oh, there are the obvious spam and advertising messages, and those I can kick to the e-curb without hesitation. But I always think there just *might* be something useful in the others I can turn into a "Musing."

Marsha Egan has created a program she calls Inbox Detoxtm, and the link goes to her blog, with helpful tips. I signed up for her biweekly newsletter, which means even more e-mail, I guess.

Hmmmm. Receiving an e-mail to help me *reduce* the amount of e-mail. What's wrong with this picture?

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At a recent company-mandated refresher course for my engineering team, the participants were given an awkward question to answer:

"If you had just boarded an airline and then discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would want to get off the plane immediately?"

Amid the forest of hands that shot up, one man sat quietly, serenely, with a look of confidence on his face.

When asked what he would do upon this discovery, the man replied that he would be quite content to stay on board the aircraft.

"You see," he explained, "using the software written by my team, the plane would be lucky to be able to taxi anywhere, let alone take off!"


[Doc's Daily Chuckle]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Diamonds are forever. E-mail comes close." (June Kronholz)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Snow Wife


It has been *cold* this weekend. Teeth-chattering, body-shivering, booger-freezing cold. As I write this, it's 4 degrees below zero (that's 20 below on the Celsius chart, to put things in context for my global friends), with a wind chill warning of -25 up until noon Monday.

The weather seers at Farmer's Almanac say it's because of La Niña. Which, from what I understand, is the opposite of El Niño. Find out more here.

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I just got off the phone with a friend living in Michigan's Upper Peninsula, near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning, the snow had reached nearly waist high and was still coming down.

He told me that the temperature was dropping well below zero and a frigid north wind was increasing to near gale force.

His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and stare.

He said if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.


[with thanks to Monday Fodder]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: With still a little bit of January left to us, you can get your eyes checked; it's National Glaucoma Awareness Month. It's also National Polka Music Month (I did not know there was a Polka Hall of Fame). It's National Handwriting Analysis Week, and it's National Clean Out Your Inbox Week. More on that tomorrow. Finally, today is National Compliment Day (I'll talk more about that on Wednesday), Thursday is Holocaust Memorial Day, and Saturday is Curmudgeon's Day. Kind of a strange week; it begins in compliments and ends with curmudgeons.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Friday, January 21, 2011

How I Met My Wife

I realized today that yesterday was my 31st anniversary of living in this part of Michigan. Wow. Over half my life. Can't complain, though; found my wife here, raised (and am raising) my children here, and came into my career here.

So despite the fact that Michigan has the highest unemployment rate in the country, is the only one of fifty states to *lose* population over the last decade, and is currently putting a sub-zero wind chill through my bones, I declare it a great place to be.

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HOW I MET MY WIFE

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing sheveled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was traveling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads or tails of.

I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated -- as if this were something I was great shakes at -- and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors-d'oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently. The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was commital. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.


[reputedly written by Jack Winter in 1994 for the New Yorker Magazine, via Jumbo Joke]

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WEBSITE of the WEEK: Hey, what's for breakfast? Thanks to list member Dianne F., eggs!

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Honest Photo


How Stuff Works is at it again.

Here are five things you should never do to old family photos.

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A traffic cop stopped a woman for a minor violation. Upon approaching the car, he asked for the usual driver's license and proof of insurance.

He stared, however, for an unusually long time at the woman's driver's license. Finally he said, "You know something? This is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I've ever seen. I'm glad to see that you're not one of these vain women who have things 'lifted' or all their photos retouched to remove all the lines and wrinkles in their face." Then he handed her back her license.

The woman looked at, then looked at the officer and said, icily, "Sir, you are looking at my thumb print."


[The Good, Clean Funnies List]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." (James 1:23-24)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Pilot Compliment


So I went to the dentist today. After all of these years, I finally have to admit ...

...it's still no fun.

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As one of the few female airline pilots, I've often been mistaken for a flight attendant, ticket agent, and even a snack bar employee. Occasionally people will see me in uniform and ask if I'm a "real" pilot. A few recognize how rare it is for me to pilot a commercial plane and congratulate me for making it successfully in a male-dominated field.

One day I was in the restroom before a flight. I was at the sink, brushing my teeth, when a woman walked through the door and looked over at me. After a moment, she remarked, "My sister would be so proud of you!"

Hoping this was going to be one of those rare compliments where someone understood how hard I'd worked to become a pilot, I asked, "And why is that?"

"She's a dentist!"


[Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: "Beneath the cross of Jesus, I fain would take my stand." Many of us have sung that song in church at one time or another. For some of you, it may be your favorite hymn. But what about that word "fain"? At one time I assumed it was built on an old French word "fait," which is about doing something, getting something done. But now I know the word "fain" originated from an Old English word: fagen, which means "glad, cheerful, happy, or rejoicing." So when you sing that hymn, you are saying you would *gladly* make your stand beneath that old rugged cross.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Peppermint


Hey, ho, another late night. Good thing I had a four-hour nap today!

Reader's Digest Online says that peppermint can do you a lot of good.

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So a small town rancher goes to his bank and applies for a loan. When asked why he needs the money, the rancher explains he would like to purchase a bull so that he can increase his stock of cows, which will increase his dairy output.

The banker agrees to lend the money, and in the true spirit of small town America, heads out to the ranch a week or two later, to look in on the bank's investment.

The rancher is despondent. "Dang bull is worthless. Just eats grass. Won't even *look* at the cows."

The banker suggests that perhaps a visit from the town's veterinarian might be in order, knowing that if the rancher does not increase his herd and dairy output, he may well end up defaulting on the loan.

Another week or two goes by, and again the banker stops at the ranch. This time the farmer is beaming from one ear to the other.

"That ol' bull has not only taken care of all my cows, a few days ago he jumped the fence and, umm, 'serviced' all of my neighbors cows, too!"

"Wow," says the banker. "What did the veterinarian do?"

"Just gave him a couple of pills," replied the rancher.

"Huh. Interesting. What kind of pills were they?" asked the banker.

"Dunno," the rancher retorts, "but they taste like peppermint."


[Joe's Clean Laffs]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "You look at a herd of cattle and well, they all look the same. But they know. They all have an individual personality, and those personalities change from day to day. They can have their grumpy days and their happy days and their serene days. But it's unpredictable. You can't be off in outer space when you're dealing with animals." (Chris Cooper)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Dr. King's Day


It's the day we celebrate the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. If you are one of the lucky few who got to stay home for that celebration, I salute you. And your employer. And, perhaps, your union.

If you're into staying up on television and film news, here are the results from last night's Golden Globe awards, which are given by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for excellence in TV and cinema, both domestic and international. Think of them as a sneak preview for the Oscars and Emmys.

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WORDS FROM DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.

A lie cannot live.

A man can't ride your back unless it's bent.

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom.

A riot is, at bottom, the language of the unheard.

All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence.

Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.


[selected from BrainyQuotes]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: We are in the midst of Bath Safety Month, National Soup Month, Healthy Weight Week, and National Fresh Squeezed Juice Week. Gosh, I'm getting hungry. Tomorrow is Thesaurus Day, Thursday is Camcorder Day, and Friday is National Hugging DayTM.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Revisiting IMMD


Just because I need a little pick-me-up.

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REVISITING "IT MADE MY DAY"

My hubby was having trouble getting our cat off the laptop computer, not wanting to "disturb" her by picking her up. Usually she'll come when you call, but this time she was completely ignoring him ... until he promised to buy her a cheeseburger if she moved off the computer. Then she hopped right off! The best part? When my husband came home from work today, he had brought a cheeseburger for her, just as he promised! It Made My Day.

I have leukemia and just started losing my hair from the treatments. My little brother came home from school on Friday with a few of his friends. They had all shaved their heads! It made me cry, but It Made My Day.

I nanny for two very active boys, ages 7 and 10. While I normally love my job the longer hours spent with them over Christmas break were getting to me. I took them out for pizza and gave them each $2 for the attached arcade in hopes of getting ten minutes to myself. As I saw the boys using up their last tokens, I was a little sad that my quiet time was up. Just then the world's best waitress pulled two fistfuls of tokens from her apron and lay them on my table, saying, "Here, I'm tired of carrying these around." The extra thirty minutes of sanity Made My Day!

Today my direct supervisor got a promotion at work, but instead of accepting the small raise that went with it, she requested my boss give it to me, because I was her hardest worker and hadn't received a raise at all in 2009. It Made My Year!

My fiancé and I were standing in the kitchen, waiting to take the pizza out of the oven when it was done. He leaned down in front of the oven door and said, "Cooooooooook." Then, while still bent over, he turned to my seven-months along pregnant belly and said it again. We both cracked up and It Made Our Day.

When I was in Middle School, I was picked on and bullied by another girl in school. After moving away and finishing my studies, I got a job with the police force in my old home town. A short time later, the girl who had given me so much trouble back then was arrested on drug charges. I was the arresting officer. The look on her face when she realized who I was Made My Day.


[selected from It Made My Day.com]

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WEBSITE of the WEEK: My wife has a milestone birthday coming up this year, so I'm going to start hanging out at http://www.freebirthdaytreats.com/. It's a website that lets you know which companies offer free and discounted items on your own personal holiday. A tip o'the Mark's Musings cap to Ms. Kim Komando.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

The Skunk


Couple of blog-only updates this week as I am in the midst of creating my union paper, prepping for a band concert and migrating to a new PC at the same time. I am a multitasking champion.

While the folks at How Stuff Works took eight steps to get to it, they do tell you - should you ever find yourself in this situation - how to get the smell of skunk off of ya.

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Remember, the skunk is an animal of distinktion.

===

Did I tell you about the skunk who joined the Marines? It heard they were looking for a phew good men.

===

What did the judge say when a skunk wandered into the courtroom?

"Odor in the court!"


[sniffed out of Charlie's Chuckles, Ed's Laughter for a Saturday, and the Good Clean Funnies List]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task?" (2 Corinthians 2:15-16)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

New Computers and Thou

Data?
Migrated.

Firefox Web Browser?
Downloaded.

E-Mail Software Installed?
Check.

Post Software Installed?
Uh-oh.

So. Yeah. Had a little trouble this evening. Nothing I can't fix, but not before midnight, so you get another day of fluff, stuff, and nonsense. I still have quite a bit of work ahead of me ... installing the external terabyte drive, doing a data dump to that, setting up backup routines, cleaning off the old PC, making sure everything continues to work like it's supposed to work throughout, and then finding the time to thoroughly enjoy the new setup.

I can't wait.

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I don't have Geico insurance, so I'm not shilling for them, but this particular commercial makes me laugh every time I see it.

Every. Time.



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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Windows


Hey, everybody ... I'm in the midst of - finally - migrating to a new computer, so just the joke today. By this time tomorrow I will be knee deep in Windows 7.

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MICROSOFT WINDOWS'® ONE LINERS

Computers are a lot like air conditioners. They stop working properly if you open windows.

Tech Support: May I help you?
User: I'm running Windows...
Tech: Yes...
User: And my computer just stopped working...
Tech: Yes, you already said that...

Microsoft has broken Volkswagen's world record. That company only made 22 million Bugs.

Have you reinstalled your Windows today?

Apparently the word "Windows" was based on an old Native American root word that means "staring at an hourglass."

But the really nice thing about Windows is it doesn't just crash. It tells you and lets you click "OK" first.


[selected from noone.org]


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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all." (John F. Kennedy)


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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Funny Photo Filler

Well, I ran out of energy and I'm just about out of day, so please once again accept my apologies and enjoy this picture, which I found on Craized.


I think the dog on the right is simply being used as a toothpick.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Friday, January 07, 2011

Banned Words, 2011


It's time once again for the folks at Lake Superior State University to issue their list of words and phrases that have worn out their welcome in 2010, and should be "banned" from polite conversation.

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BANNED WORDS LIST, 2011

"Viral," in the sense that a funny or moving video posted by a website or on YouTube catches fire with the public's imagination and it is forwarded around the world faster than the flu on an airplane.

"Epic," of which overuse has reached epic proportions. [Side note: uh oh. We just bought our daughter the Samsung "Epic" cell phone for Christmas.]

"Fail." One commenter wrote, "Fail is not a noun. It is not an adjective. It is a verb. If this word is not banned, then this entire word banishment system is full of FAIL."

"Wow Factor" is said to be served up with a heaping of cliché and a side of irritation.

"Back Story" does not need to exist because we have a perfectly good word that we've used for years. The word is "history."

"BFF" is Best Friend Forever - or until the next big fight, whichever comes first.

"Man Up." It's not just overused, it's bullying and sexist.

"Mama Grizzlies," when used to describe conservative political women, instead of actual bears, should be put down.

"I'm Just Sayin'," is most often used to diffuse any ill feelings caused by a previous remark, but really, it's just repeating the obvious. [Second note: uh oh, again. I use this phrase on my website. I'm just sa----umm, never mind.]


[see the entire list at the Lake Superior State University website]

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WEBSITE of the WEEK: See the above link.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Parking Ticket


Wow, Wednesday just slipped right away from me here as I'm deep in prep work for a fundraising concert next week. So. It's Thursday.

There's a new $100 bill coming next month. Get to know it.

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The parking situation near my workplace downtown is just getting horrendous. My coworker came in the other day and said he had received a parking ticket for $100. But he was going to get a lawyer and fight it.

When he called the attorney's office, he was using his speakerphone so several of us were able to overhear the entire conversation.

The attorney said, "I've heard of a $10 ticket for parking, a $20 ticket for double-parking, and a $50 ticket for blocking a fire hydrant ... but where were you parked to get a $100 ticket?"

My coworker kind of sheepishly replied, "On top of another car."


[Syman Says via Ed Peacher's Laughter for a Saturday]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth." (Psalm 100:1)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Post-Free Day

I am plum wore out and overwhelmed.

And the New Year has just begun.

No post today.

The picture says it all.

Sorrysorrysorry.


Tuesday, January 04, 2011

Bad 2011 Start


Are you one of those folks who like to stargaze? When I was younger, I very much enjoyed astronomy and would get to the planetarium as often as I could. That may be one reason I enjoy science fiction so much.

Well, thanks to NASA, you can now "save the dates" and catch the best meteor showers of 2011. (Scroll down to the "Quadrantids" to find the 2011 dates.)

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SIGNS YOUR 2011 ISN'T OFF TO A GOOD START

You've already gained 40 pounds.

Your midnight New Year's Eve smooch was through the bars of your local jail.

Your car is stuck under two feet of snow ... and three feet of garbage.

It's year eleven of living in that Y2K bunker.

2011 is both the year and your cholesterol level.


[selected, with some small edits, from Letterman's Top Ten List]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, and work like a dog." (Caroline Simon's advice to women)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Defensive Singing

I hope everyone enjoyed 1-1-11. It's back to school for us here in North America! (And work, for that matter.)

Let's begin 2011 on a safe note. Consumer Reports has a safety blog that lists many items that have recently been recalled by their makers for one reason or another, including Lipitor and Rolaids.

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While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker, Susan, would often sing along with the radio while we filed paperwork or restocked the merchandise.

One night the manager decided to leave early and as he was walking out I expressed my concern to him about our safety -- us two women working alone at night.

"Oh, you'll be fine," he said with a wave of his hand. "If you see anyone who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke."


[Good Clean Funnies List]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: Happy New Year! January is International Creativity Month, and National Skating Month. It is also, as you can well imagine, Diet Resolution Week, and possibly in a related way, it's Women's Self-Empowerment Week. And just to balance things out, today is National Chocolate-Covered Cherry Day. Recipes here. Thursday is Epiphany, and Friday is "I'm Not Going to Take it Anymore" Day.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

The Manslator

My e-amigo Jim Smith posted this video on Facebook today.

It made me laugh right out loud, which makes it blog-worthy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.



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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.