Friday, November 26, 2010

Useless Things

So how about a few things for which we are *not* thankful? Feel free to comment below and add a few of your own.


And other less-than-useless things

The little paper tags that are stapled to buttonholes or belt loops on laundered or dry-cleaned garments, the only purpose of which is to be overlooked and idiotically worn in public.

The "trip computer" on your car that uses the magic of modern telemetry to tell you exactly how many miles you have left in your tank, except when you get below 50 miles and could really USE this information, which is when it just says, "low."

The CAPS LOCK key, the only purpose of which is to facilitate the sputterings of online lunatics, but which is easily and annoyingly pressed by mistake. Locating this key between the tab and shift is about as smart as locating the rat poison between the bubble juice and the sippy cup.

Cellphones that make a lot of noise when they vibrate, defeating the strategic purpose of "vibrate."

Internet Explorer asking you, every time it crashes your computer, if you wish to "report" the error, as though Microsoft has a team of specialists somewhere ready to get right to the bottom of your particular problem.

Motion-sensor doors that are so slow you have to wait for them to open, delaying you more than if you'd opened the door yourself.

The cheap little plastic disk that seals the plastic on a loaf of bread, an allegedly resealable system that turns out to be fiction because more often than not, it snaps like a dry noodle.

The QWERTY keyboard, laid out during the early days of the typewriter, when it was necessary to keep frequently used letters a distance from each other so the keys wouldn't jam together on the platen. Now it's the chief culprit behind typos.

Caps on the stem of your tires. They exist only to get lost and make you feel vaguely unprotected.

Flatware in a restaurant or banquet wrapped so tightly in the napkin you have to shred the napkin to get to your fork.

Any computer program that ends with "Wizard."

The "sent from my iPhone" or "sent from my Blackberry" text that is automatically appended to your e-mails, which serves no purpose other than branding you as a person who thinks they are important.

So called "pockets" on clothing that can accommodate nothing larger than an Altoid.

[selected from an old Washington Post article]


WEBSITE of the WEEK: With just 29 shopping days left until Christmas, the end-of-the-year and best-of-the-year lists are beginning to arrive. The first one I've seen this year is at It's Popular Science Magazine listing 100 items they call the "Best of What's New in 2010."


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