Monday Groaners

Trying to finish up a quartet of pressing projects here, so just the joke today. I haven't done Monday groaners in awhile now, have I?

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YOUR MONDAY GROANERS

A famous author was asked to shorten the length of the new novel he'd just submitted. He took the manuscript on an ocean cruise to do the work. During the entire trip, however, there was rough waters and he felt sick to his stomach and just couldn't get a thing done. When he returned, he phoned his editor to let her know that he just couldn't "abridge over troubled waters."

Never share a secret with someone while at your bank. All the clerks there are tellers.

Did I tell you about the man who taught a primate how to fly in his blimp? He wanted a hot air baboon.

Never leave your cheesecake in Death Valley. You wouldn't want to desert your dessert in the desert.

I heard about a country with a leader so dense, he purchased 1,000 septic tanks. As soon as they learn to drive them, they're going to invade a neighboring country.

So I went to a store that sold a large variety of thermometers. I wanted to ask some in-depth questions, but no one there could help me. All the employees were temps.

Did the very first railroad conductor have to read the training manual?

No matter what the weather, the royal family wore reign coats.

Our local post office caught fire one afternoon. The next day *everyone* in town was blackmailed.

I saw a store that specialized in selling used camping equipment. It was called "Past Tents."

[selected from JokeMaster with heavy editing and reformatting by Mark Raymond]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: In Ancient Greece, an "ostrakon" was a tile, or a shard from a broken pot. When certain individuals were threatening the stability of a society, the citizens got together and if they wanted to kick these troublemakers out of the community (usually for a period of ten years), they would cast their vote by writing a "yay or nay" on a pot shard and throwing it in to a pot. This process was called "ostrakizein." We know it today as the word "ostracize." If someone has been ostracized, he or she has been deliberately excluded from a group/clique/institution or circle of friends.

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