Monday Groaners

Well, judging by the dearth of comments and reaction votes at my blog, y'all didn't miss me in your Inbox last week a'tall. And that's okay. Keeps me humble.

If, however, you're interested in what you missed, read it all right below.

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YOUR MONDAY GROANERS

In Singapore, a young lady stole some eye makeup and was sentenced ... to fifty lashes.

Our corner deli had a fire last week. They were right back in business the next day, though, selling smoked ham, smoked turkey, smoked cheeses....

What do you have if you cross a bullet with a dead tree?
A cartridge in a bare tree.

Do English sea monsters ever get tired of eating fish and ships?

I know some singers who have a waterproof voice.
They can't be drowned out.

Two inventory clerks were told to work overtime one night at the bottled wine and spirits warehouse. Their job was to make note of the alcoholic content on each bottle in stock. Joe would read off the label and Sam would jot it down on a clipboard. At the end of that long shift, Joe said he felt especially patriotic. "Why's that?" Sam asks. Says Joe: "I gave proof through the night."

[selected from JokeMaster with lots of editorial massaging by Mark Raymond]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: As I flew home yesterday, the storm clouds were gathering here once again. Michigan had just experienced two straight days of heavy storms and it looked like inclement weather was still in the region (in fact, it did storm again shortly after I walked into the house). The Latins gave us the word "clemens," which means gentle or merciful - note it in the meaning of the word "clemency" - and by adding the negative modifier "in" to the front of the word, you get NOT gentle or merciful: inclement. A word that now means rough, harsh, extreme, or severe.

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