Your Monday Groaners

Columbus Day here in the U.S. The day we remember and celebrate the "discovery" of America and the man who stumbled upon it.

It's a national holiday, at least if you work for the banks, the Postal Service, or a few major corporations with strong unions.

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YOUR MONDAY GROANERS

I measured my tummy exactly one year ago today. It's two inches bigger. I'm not proud of it, and I was trying to diet so I could get a date, but in the end I'm just adopting the philosophy, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one year width."

Lamb stew is much ado about mutton.

"No, Timmy, George Washington Carver was *not* the man who did the autopsy on our nation's first president."

My wife saw the glacier before I did. Her ice sight is better than mine.

A spoiled child would shed tears like a waterfall if she didn't get what she wanted. If that didn't work, she'd fly into a rage. Usually one or the other accomplished the trick. For her, it was out of the crying plan, into the ire.

I was at my doctor's office with laryngitis, in the waiting room. The man next to me said he was there for some cardiac testing. Even though mine was the first appointment scheduled, my doctor took the other man in first. He later explained, saying he wanted to put the heart before the hoarse.

[selected from Big Top and JokeMaster with lots of editing by Mark Raymond]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: Some words are just fun to say. "Sobriquet" is one of them (so-breh-kay). It's an old French word, and while the exact meaning is lost in antiquity, it refers to a rub or a "chuck" under the chin, much the way older aunts and uncles hold your face when they want to get a good look at you. This action is often accompanied by calling you a loving nickname ... and that's what we use the word as today. It means a nickname, and usually a complimentary one. As in, "My friends sometimes call me by my website name, 'Mr. Humor,' and it's a sobriquet I have come to wear with pride."

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