Predictions

As the end of the year approaches, those "Top 10" lists of annual news events, fashions, movies, etc. begin to pop up.

How Stuff Works is chiming in with Ten "History-Making" Moments of 2008.

Honestly, half of them I didn't even know about, which is a bit embarrassing.

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TOP 10 PREDICTIONS FOR 2009

10. Catered and televised food fights will become all the rage with the hit show "Gastronomical Gladiators." Chefs will be judged not only on the taste of the food, but on how much it sticks to things.

9. A universal pet interpreter will be invented, allowing man to speak for the first time to dogs and cats. Many will be shocked to discover that dogs really *aren't* man's best friend, and cats will now be able to ignore you in several different languages at the same time.

8. A huge solar storm will wipe out all cellular communication for at least two months, forcing people to actually talk with each other face-to-face again. Seminars on how to conduct these interpersonal transactions will become gigantically popular.

7. Cashing in on the growing population of older people, Disney will open "Geriatric World" featuring completely analog exhibits, and the Rolling Stones will appear nightly.

6. Tom Cruise will be recognized as an expert on everything except his own life.

5. A new world-wide flu epidemic will break out, decimating the global population of lawyers. A cure will vehemently *not* be sought.

4. The political process will be turned into a reality game show called "Running for Office" and all the challenges will have to do with honesty and integrity and no mud-slinging will be allowed. Sadly, it will be canceled before it airs for lack of contestants.

3. English will continue to change radically with the continuing evolution of the Internet, instant messaging, and text messages. By the end of the year, "Emoticonish" will become the new international language of choice.

2. Microsoft will briefly go into the car business, but back out once all its customers realize the cars crash shortly after leaving the lot.

AND THE NUMBER ONE PREDICTION FOR 2009?

1. Jesus will still have the answers for anyone who asks the right questions.

[recycled and updated from a 2006 list over at Grant's Graceland; additional material by Mark Raymond]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man." (Benjamin Franklin)

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