Friday, September 26, 2008

Dreams of Death

So last night was the first with my new CPAP machine. Frankly, I didn't sleep well at all, but the sleep I did get was deeper, I think.

And I had a dream. One of those vivid dreams with details you remember long after you wake up. In fact, here it is 18 hours later and it still feels as if I just had it.

It's a Wednesday. I'm standing in the living room of a house with a large picture window. I'm holding a legal pad. There's nothing written on it. Around me there are boxes. It feels as if we've just moved in. And I've just won the lottery. I've called in to work and taken the rest of the week off. I'm feeling happier than I've felt in a long time.

Suddenly, out on the sidewalk, I see a large, dark figure with a black hooded cloak, carrying a scythe. It is Death. He is gliding along the sidewalk and as I watch he turns onto the walk leading to my house. He glides up the walk and through the front door without opening it.

He turns. We face each other. I ask, "Who have you come for?" A bony finger points right at me.

I say, "How?" I hear Death rattle off a complicated phrase that I cannot remember. I reply, "You mean I have an aortic bubble?" Death says, "Yes. But you'll feel no pain."

The scythe moves. It slices neatly through me, from my left clavicle down across my heart and out through my right hip.

The legal pad slips from my grasp. As my knees buckle and I start to fall, I overhear myself mumble, "At least there's no pain...."

And then I wake up. It's 4:54 in the morning and I'm
not going back to sleep.


I've read that dreams of death don't necessarily mean a physical death. In fact, they seldom do. But rather, something else in your life is coming to an end and the dream is your subconscious working it out in your brain while you sleep.

With last night being the first time I wore a CPAP mask at home while I slept, and knowing this is now something I will have to do for a very great while ... perhaps the rest of my life ... my "old sleep life" does, indeed, have to die. The boxes that surrounded me could exemplify all of the work I put into unpacking and setting up the CPAP machine that afternoon.

But you know what? That dream still scared the wits out of me. I wonder what I'll dream about tonight.

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