Observations on Men

So here's what happened: we refinanced the house this year in order to do two things: remodel the kitchen and take a special trip for our 25th anniversary. Most of you know our special trip was supposed to be to Ireland, but that proved to be too cost prohibitive. We could have gone, but then we wouldn't have been able to remodel.

So I decided if I couldn't have my dream vacation, then I was bound and determined my wife would have hers. All of Bonnie's life she's wanted to go whale watching ... so I took the deposit for the Ireland trip and put it down on an Alaskan cruise. The Norwegian Star sails from Seattle tomorrow afternoon, and we'll be on her.

I've written and uploaded your posts for next week, and though I may update my blog with pics and descriptions from our trip while we're on the cruise, my plan is basically to be out of touch with everyone except the woman who pledged her life to mine so many years ago.

So if you don't get a reply to your emails next week, please understand.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

OBSERVATIONS ON MEN
by Rita Rudner

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, lock the bathroom door for the first few weeks. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

Men are very confident. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates really hard, he can help his team. If his team is in trouble, he coaches the players from the living room. If they are really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

The way a man looks at himself in the mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private, but in public they have to KNOW.

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow instead of a gun.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaners. They usually have a job and bathe.

Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log doesn't burn, he will take it personally.

Men have higher body temperatures than women. In the winter, I recommend sleeping next to your man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

Most men hate to shop. This is why the men's department is usually on the first floor of the store, two inches from the door.

Men are less sentimental than women. No man has seen the movie, "The Way We Were" twice -- voluntarily.

Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women.

Men who listen to classical music tend not to spit.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

All men would still really like to own a train set.

[many thanks to Mrs. Rita Rudner]

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Okay, the post will be back on Monday, but I won't. Watch the blog for vacation updates next week if I'm able to find a working Internet connection.

Everybody play safe while I'm gone.

Mark

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

WEB SITE of the WEEK: "Digital Goddess" Kim Komando recommends you take a look at http://glassbooth.org/, and so do I. You may already have your mind made up on your candidate of choice for the November U.S. presidential election, or you may not. Either way, you'll find out more about the candidates, their stands on the issues (fully documented), and be able to formulate and take your own quiz on which candidate best matches your personal beliefs. With the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and now Georgia, coupled with an economy that teeters on the brink of depression, if it's not already slipping over the edge, this could be the most important election in years.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Mark's Musings is a Habeas-certified spam free mailer. Subscribe, view past issues in the Archives, and help defray publishing costs at my web site. If you need to change your e-mail address or you're all mused out and need to unsubscribe, use the "Change Subscription" or "Cancel Subscription" links at the very bottom of this page. To contact Mark, click here. Mark's Musings is the unofficial humor list of the U.S. Olympic Team. (Well, it would be if any of them knew I existed.) You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits are your proof of purchase. Original material and commentary © 2008 by Mark Raymond. I update my blog with a copy of this post daily and occasional bonus material on the weekends. Look for the label that says "Weekend" and you can bring them all up with one click. My personal mission statement is John 3:30. North to Alaska!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "If men liked shopping, they'd call it research." (Cynthia Nelms)