Female Translation Guide

Well, I'm not sure how this story fits today's joke, but here ya go.

Arava is a 10-year old turtle who recently moved into the Jerusalem Biblical Zoo. At 55 pounds, and with her hind legs paralyzed for some unknown reason, all the male turtles spurned any courtship overtures, as she was, apparently, "damaged goods" and could not move herself with just her front legs.

The zookeepers ingeniously fitted her with a custom made skateboard so that she can now move around and, pow! Instant love life.

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HANDY TRANSLATION GUIDE FOR FEMALE PHRASES

She says: "We need..."
She means: "I want..."

She says: "Do what you want."
She means: "You'll pay for this later."

She says: "We need to talk."
She means: "I need to complain."

She says: "No, I'm not upset."
She means: "Of course I'm upset, you moron."

She says: "You're so manly."
She means: "You sweat a lot and need a shave."

She says: "It's more romantic if you turn out the lights."
She means: "I'm not comfortable with my body."

She says: "This kitchen is so inconvenient."
She means: "I want a new house."

She says: "I want new curtains."
She means: "And new carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper."

She says: "Do you love me?"
She means: "I'm going to ask for something expensive."

She says: "How much do you love me?"
She means: "I've done something bad and it's going to cost you a bundle."

She says: "Does this make me look fat?"
She means: "Tell me I'm beautiful."

She says: "Do you like this recipe?"
She means: "It's easy to fix, so get used to eating it."

[selected from the Infrequently Asked Questions website]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." (Proverbs 14:1)

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