Arthur Itis and Me

Well, according to my doctor - and several x-rays - I have officially joined 35 million other Americans who have Osteoarthritis in their joints. I knew I had it in my fingers, which is not too bad yet, but now it seems I have a touch in my left elbow (it goes well with my golfer's elbow), and quite a bit more in my right hip, which is also suffering a 50% loss in cartilage.

Yep, I've reached the age where my vocabulary revolves around learning words ending in -itis, -oscopy, or -ectomy.

My condition was, apparently, brought on by my job, which involves standing for eight hours a day. Well, that and being too ding-dang fat.

USA Weekend says I should start taking glucosamine and lose weight. Yes, I'm trying. Mind you, the pain is certainly tolerable at this early juncture, but I am getting a sneak preview of what the future holds and Bette Davis was right:

"Old age is no place for sissies."

Anybody have any home remedies?

Everyone's on a Diet

According to Webster's Dictionary, the first definition of diet is "food and drink regularly provided or consumed." Your diet is simply that which makes up the sum total of what you put in your mouth and stomach. So everyone's on a diet.

Some diets are good. Some diets are bad. Some diets are very bad, indeed.

Part of the problem with losing weight is this tendency to think in terms of goals: 10 pounds, 20 pounds, etc. As soon as we hit our goal, we think the diet is over and we slip back into our old routines and before you know it, the weight is back. I actually lost more than 40 pounds about six years ago and now here it is, all back and I'm bigger than ever. The weight I lost found some friends while it was away and now they've all come home and they're having a party on my torso.

So I need not just a new diet, but a new diet lifestyle. A permanent change in the way I think about and consume food so that when the weight goes, it stays off.

It's not just a matter of finding a thin person and eating only what he or she eats, it's a matter of finding the right balance between caloric intake and caloric burn-off. To lose weight, you increase burn or reduce intake (preferably both if you want to lose weight more quickly). To keep it off, you find the balance. This is where your metabolism comes into the picture.

I suspect people have the wrong idea about metabolism. They think that fat people have a poor metabolism. The truth, as I understand it, is exactly the opposite. Skinny people have the bad metabolism. It's horribly inefficient. They can eat and eat and their body does nothing with those extra calories. They simply fall through the holes in their inefficient metabolism and run right out the other ends.

People with weight problems, on the other hand, have an exquisitely efficient metabolism. Not even one calorie can sneak through without being stored as fat for possible later consumption. I even look at a piece of cake and I gain a half pound.

So, like many things in life, it comes down to simple mathematics. Doctors J. Arthur Harris and Francis G. Benedict developed the gold standard of metabolic rate in the Harris-Benedict equation. The formula is different for men vs. women, but here it is in a basic form:

MEN: (13.75 x weight) + (5 x height) - (6.77 x age) + 66.5
WOMEN: (9.56 x weight) + (1.85 x height) - (4.68 x age) + 655.1

These calculations give you your "basal metabolic rate," or BMR. You can do the math yourself or visit one of several handy calculators found on the web. Like this one. This result is approximately (and studies show that's just what it is: approximate) the number of calories you would burn if you stayed in bed all day. It was essentially designed to figure out the caloric requirements of bed-ridden patients in hospital so they could be fed nutritionally and not gain weight.

But here's how you use the figure: eat just about what your BMR is, and you should lose weight, once you consider that most of you are NOT bedridden and you will burn up some of your stored fat simply by being up and moving around in the normal course of your day. Of course, if you exercise, you'll burn up even more.

The hassle in this whole deal is learning the caloric value of every stinkin' thing you put in your mouth, and that ain't easy. But it gets back to that lifestyle change thing and making the commitment to get the weight off and keep it off.

The next time I talk about this stuff we'll discuss how many calories it takes to lose a pound.

Mixed Message?

Pretty dresses, aren't they? I saw them on the "Mental Floss" blog. They're made by Brazilian artist Adriana Bertini and they're on display at the Fowler Museum at the University of California, Los Angeles until March 11.

Here's the kicker: the dresses are made entirely from discarded condoms that couldn't pass the quality control test at the factory. It's part of an AIDS awareness push and there are 14 outfits in the entire collection.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I do know that unprotected sex outside of marriage is not good. For that matter, any sex outside of marriage is probably not a good thing, but it would be sheer lunacy on our part to think it's going to stop.

Now, unprotected sex inside of marriage leads to a whole different set of issues, but I'll leave that by for another time.

Of course, no one has yet come up with a better solution for preventing sexually-transmitted diseases than abstinence.

But if a woman had the nerve to wear one of these things, I'm wondering what kind of message it would actually send...?

My Journey to Thin, Chapter 1

Well, as I promised a few weeks ago, I kept a meticulous food journal for the past three-plus weeks.

That very act helped me lose three pounds. I weighed in this past Friday at 251 pounds. Three weeks, three pounds. Hey, it's a start.

I have only one goal until the end of the year: try to maintain that tiny bit of weight loss through the holiday rich foods-great snacking-you'd be a fool to starve yourself period.

Reviewing my food journal, I see there was a little too much emphasis on late night eating, especially ice cream ... so I'm also going to try and cut down on that.

Come the first of the year, I'll give exercise another serious effort. We bought a treadmill and everything recently.

Your encouraging words are appreciated.

W.W.J.P.?

At the end of every week, in the fine print of Friday's post, you'll find my personal mission statement in life: John 3.30. This verse says, essentially (depending on what translation you read), "He must become more; I must become less." My goal in life is to grow more and more into the image of Jesus. Indeed, that is what the very word "Christian" means.

Carol Mead, a remarkable writer with a wonderful gift of finding the holy in the ordinary (please visit her website), said it quite well in a recent post titled, "Mirror Christianity."

Commercials for a high-definition television say that the TV's clear picture results from thousands of tiny mirrors inside the set. Those mirrors produce, as closely as technologically possible, the "exact mirror image of the source material." To explain the high-quality picture, the ads say, "It's the mirrors."

We long for a clear picture of how God looks and acts, and each person has the potential to be one of those tiny mirrors reflecting God's image. If each of us lived only for God, then together we would produce a nearly exact image of the Source. Sadly, most of us can barely reflect God's image accurately for one moment, much less a lifetime, so the image of God appearing through us remains distorted and broken.

Occasionally, though, when we get it right, a glimpse of God appears. When we show selfless love for another person, we reflect the perfect love of God ... so it's not that God chooses to remain completely hidden, as we have the potential to reflect him. The problem is not God.

It's the mirrors.

Speaking of reflecting Christ more perfectly, the title of Carol's piece reminded me of another lesson I recently read regarding a passage in C.S. Lewis' seminal work, "Mere Christianity." It dealt with our prayer life. Lewis says that whenever we pray to "Our Father in Heaven," or "God, the Father" we are, quite literally, claiming to be his son or daughter.

And that means that when we pray, we are "dressing up as Christ." That concept blows me away and makes a sham of all my selfish prayers to just get me through the day, help me lose weight, and bless my latest endeavors. It spins an entirely different perspective on my prayer life.

So it's not so much "What Would Jesus Do?" as it is, "What Would Jesus Pray?"

- FLASH -

Time for another snapshot of my little corner of the world.

What I'm reading: I'm in progress on two books at the moment. One is an escapist little children's story by Cornelia Funke: The Thief Lord. My daughter ordered it through Scholastic and hasn't yet bothered to read it and I was desperate for some fiction one night, so I picked it up. The other book is Flyboys by James Bradley. He's the man who wrote Flags of Our Fathers, which some of you may have seen at the cinema, courtesy of Mr. Eastwood. It chronicles World War II in the Pacific arena through the perspective of the fighter pilots and crew. At times it can be quite, umm, graphic in its detailing of the horrors of war.

What I'm hearing: The Lead Instructor for my Computer Lab Cadre just congratulated all of us by giving us copies of The Trans-Siberian Orchestra's latest CD. It's awesome.

What I'm watching: Being a guy who appreciates good science fiction, I was on the "Heroes" bandwagon from the start. I also thoroughly enjoy "Studio 60"; I think it's the best written show on television and Aaron Sorkin is one writer who doesn't insult our intelligence. Still a big fan of "NCIS" on Tuesdays and we still catch "Numb3rs" Friday nights. We've sort of fallen off the "Lost" bandwagon. And oh, we also enjoy "The Closer" on TNT. Happy it's back.

What I've paid money to see: Don't tell my wife, but my daughter Amanda and I snuck off to see Happy Feet while she was in Florida. It's full of rhythm throughout and is a nice story with a nifty little ecological twist near the end. Go once for the story and twice for the soundtrack.

My latest wonder: I saw an article about "Generation Y" and it set me to thinking. All this "generational" talk began with the Baby Boomers, then it was the "Gen-X" crowd, now it's the "Generation Y" group of kids just starting/finishing college. What's next? Generation Z? And what happens after that? Is it the end of the human race? Or will the alphabet start over again? Maybe - since we've been through it once already - we'll start at Generation AA? And what will the battery people have to say about that?

My latest "Little Joy": Backing into a parking spot. Folks, it is sooooo much easier when you leave. Safer, too.

What I'm trying to get done: I'm in the middle of editing/writing some documents for my daughter's choir, I need to update my fantasy baseball league's Constitution, my band is in "negotiations" (for lack of a better word) with my church to be officially adopted as a ministry, there's a few more Christmas gifts to buy, lots more cleaning to do on the house, and my office is just about hopeless. I think the paperwork is winning.


That's about all from this end of the swamp.

A Light in the Dark

So I'm driving home from a computer lab class today ... it's about an hour's drive, in good weather.

Today the weather was not good.

Not only was the evening gloaming coming on, but the clouds gathered and the sky grew extraordinarily dark, and then it began to pelt down big, wet, splattery drops of rain.

But here's the cool thing. All the way home I was listening to a CD by The Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and right when things get their darkest and gloomiest outside, on comes a song featuring a children's choir and a melody that just takes wing and soars inside my vehicle and echoes all the way down into the depths of my heart.

The lyrics spoke of Christ coming at Christmas, bringing light and hope to the world. That song, at that moment, saved me. Just as things got their darkest, I was reminded that there is a Light no storm or gloom or black of night can quench.

"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned."

-- Isaiah 9:2

Aftermath

So my car was broken into this past Saturday and the thief took our digital camera, which I thought I had hidden underneath the seat ... apparently not well enough. The photo, by the way, is just one I found on the web, not our car. Couldn't get a picture of that because I NO LONGER HAVE A CAMERA.

But I'm not bitter.

Wait, yes I am. Mostly at myself, actually. I knew I should have put the bloody thing in the trunk but just didn't want to take the time.

I've been broken into before, many years ago, when I lived in a fairly shabby tenement with disreputable neighbors living upstairs and not much security on either door. My apartment was broken into several times, actually. Usually they just took food and whatever cash I'd left lying around. After those robberies, I felt, well, violated. Angry, vulnerable, and violated. I moved as soon as I could.

But this time I just feel stupid.

Stupid and broke. It's nearly $200 to fix the broken window and another several hundred to replace the camera. What's that? Insurance? Well, if we had more coverage than just the classic PL/PD on our vehicles, perhaps that would apply. As it is, we're just out a ton of money ... at least half a ton, anyway.

Man, these lessons are too expensive to be learning at my age.

Big Fat Fatty McFattersons

That's me. At my doctor's office this past week I weighed in at 254 pounds. Now, that's a perfect weight if you're a 6'8" power forward in the NBA. If you're just under six feet tall and spend most of your day standing in one place or sitting in one place ... not so much.

It is the most I have ever weighed. In all of my 49+ years on the planet. I am appalled at myself.

And it must go. I must lose weight. And not just lose it, but take it out deep into the woods and set it free someplace where it will never find its way home again.

And you're going to help me. I hope. Your job is to provide tips, advice, and most of all, encouragement. I'll post a monthly update here on the blog and I expect you to use the comments section to keep me going. Here are the targets:

225 makes me a happy guy.
200 makes my doctor a happy guy.
180 makes my insurance company happy people.

Behavioral science tells us it takes three weeks of repeating an activity for it to become a habit, and that's the impetus behind the "Change One" Diet Plan. Change one thing about your lifestyle or diet for three weeks, until it's locked in, then change one more thing. It's a gradual lifestyle change in hopes it will be a lasting lifestyle change.

I'm going to give it a try. Starting today - the day after Thanksgiving - I'm going to attack this weight problem and cure or at least alleviate some of the ills that plague me (hiatal hernia, diabetes, constant fatigue).

My first step is to begin a food journal. They say when you write down everything that goes into your mouth, you wind up eating less. I guess it's because you're more aware of what you're doing. At any rate, I start today.

That means you're on the clock with me. I thank you.

The Cat

Usually being the first one up in the morning, I stumble into the bathroom with the cat fast upon my heels, having apparently missed the company of humans for all of five or six hours. And there we are, the cat rubbing up against my legs, purring, meowing, telling me her food bowl is empty and I'm the only one in the world who cares about her and WHY HAVEN'T YOU FILLED IT YET???

Meanwhile, I'm telling her, "Look, I don't bother you when you're in the litter box, so leave me alone." To date, she has never understood this.

Many times when my wife comes around a corner of our house, the cat will bounce on her feet for a moment, then move away. I am constantly hearing her tell the cat, "It's me. It's always me. It's always going to be me."

Lately though, I confess the cat seems to be mellowing out a bit. She's over three years old, now, and she'll actually let me lie down on the bed - disturbing her nap, mind you - without jumping off and running away. We'll actually even nap together. I'll always wonder if she thinks my snoring is just my way of purring.

The other day I was staying home with my daughter, who was ill and didn't go to school, and while I was at the computer, she actually jumped up to my lap and curled up in the crook of my elbow for about 45 minutes, until I had to put her down and see if the joint would still work. Getting old sucks.

A Pile of Potpourri

That deep rumbling you heard last night was the country, moving to the left.

My personal preference is to have Congress balance the White House. Republican president? I'll take a Democratic Congress. Democrat at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? Gimme a Republican House and Senate. That way whatever laws make it out of D.C. are bound to be ones *everyone* wants, and that's the only way to play this game we call politics.

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My parents flashed me an emergency email prayer request, so I'm passing it on in that spirit of an "eCommunity of Prayer" (see the blog index to your left). It seems that during the years my parents wintered in Texas, they made some good friends. One family (Ray and Pat F.), just passed on a prayer request about Chad, who was shot in the head while riding in a HumVee through Fallujah in Iraq. He is currently in critical, but stable condition, waiting to be stable enough to transport to a better medical facility in Germany. Please pray for a complete recovery.

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THE IMPORTANCE OF FINISHING YOUR MEDICATION: You know how you catch one of those ucky respiratory infections and your doctor gives you some pills to make it go away? Take all of them, even if you feel like you've gotten better. My daughter had the creepy-crawly crud a couple of weeks ago and when she got to feeling better, we stopped enforcing the pill routine. Well, her infection wasn't completely gone so guess what? It came back in spades and the pills we made her start taking again didn't help because her body had built up an immunity to them. So now she's missed three days of school with a temperature over 100 degrees and she's on a heavier antibiotic ... and you can bet your proverbial bippy she'll finish ALL of those pills.

+++

I see the Detroit Tigers hitting coach - Don Slaught - fell on his sword over the team's woeful hitting performance in the World Series and he resigned. A shame we can't blame the *real* culprits. Golly, you'd think paying someone - several someones - $12 million a year would mean they could hit a ball where the defenders aren't every once in awhile. Ah well, let not this miserable ending to a fantasy season detract from Detroit's accomplishment in achieving heights in the baseball world no one could have ever predicted.

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Hey, it's time to start making supper so I gotta run.

Keep Going

In Wednesday's Mark Mail post, the "Wonder for Your Week" is: If ceased means stopped, does that mean a deceased person keeps going?

The answer is yes, most certainly.

One thing people just have a hard time wrapping their heads around is the fact that we are eternal. Our bodies may be temporary, but the stuff you can't see inside - the soul, the spirit, the essence of US - lasts forever.

I wonder (and, I confess, occasionally worry) about retirement. Do we slow down? Do we stop doing things? Does the central thread of our lives begin to unravel? I applaud all of you who are busier in retirement than you were during your occupational years. For two reasons: because you're now busy at what you want to be doing - which is always more fulfilling - and because you understand the eternal equation.

Death is only a speed bump. And I want the speedometer of my life to be red-pegged when I hit it.

I want to keep going ... right on into eternity.

An eCommunity of Prayer

Many times those of you on the Mark Mail list will write to me. I always enjoy that. Sometimes we even get to strike up a wee bit of an "efriendship" though we've never met face-to-face. Some of you were already friends before I began sending this stuff out about eight years ago. It's good to hear from you, whether in my Inbox or the Guest Book of my website or on the Comment boards here at the blog.

Sometimes you folks will share a prayer request with me. Like the ones I got this weekend, from list member Pam W. about her husband, who just had surgery for colo-rectal cancer; or the one from list member Carolyn W., who is fighting her own good fight against cervical and ovarian cancer. Then there was the time list member Lee J. sent me an email about some family members who were in a tragic automobile accident and killed and would the list pray for the remaining family members?

Sometimes the prayers come closer to home, as when my own parents were in a collision this past summer, or when you prayed for my wife's appendectomy in 2004.

I guess the point is, prayer works. Revelation 5:8 talks about the prayers of God's people rising as incense to the Lord and filling up golden bowls in heaven. I like that concept ... that our prayers are heard and received and kept and, I believe, answered. Our job is to fill up those prayer bowls.

So why can't my list and this blog be more than just "yet another spot on the Web to toss my thoughts into the abyss" and actually be useful for one another? Let's turn this little corner of the Internet into an "eCommunity of Prayer" - at least periodically - and let's pray for one another.

I invite you to use the "Comments" link at the bottom and offer up something - let's keep it to just one thing per person, if you can - that you'd like us to pray about. And as you read the comments, read them in an attitude of prayer and intercession. And know that at the very least, *I* read each and every comment and I'll certainly be praying for you as I read them.

Gastroscopyville

So I had a gastroscopy today. You get the idea from the photo at the left, right?

They started an IV drip, hooked me up to some oxygen, strapped a plastic cylinder into my mouth, rolled me onto my left side and started a sedative. Next thing I know I'm feeling a little dizzy and the very next thing I remember is waking up with a sore throat.

A really, really, really sore throat.

And a hiatal hernia.

For which there really isn't any surgery, from what I can discover on the web. Just need to take it easy and make a few lifestyle changes. Like the way I stand, the way I eat, and everything else about the way I live.

Hmmm, this may take some time.

Life's Little Rules

In my other body of work - Mark Mail - I've gone over "Life's Little Joys" and "Life's Little Nuisances" which will eventually make a decent coffee table book.

Now it's time to tackle "Life's Little Rules." Here's my Top Ten:

10. Spring ahead, Fall back, Winter where it's sunny.
9. Never pass up an opportunity for a good hug.
8. Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
7. Sleep until you wake up naturally; trust that your body knows.
6. The only thing more important than a good education is a good heart.
5. Oil changes every three months or 3,000 miles really do work.
4. Pay your bills.
3. Understand that time is the true currency of life.
2. Do what you can and leave the rest up to God.
1. There are never any endings; only beginnings in disguise.

So what's your version?