Valentine's Day is one week away, gentlemen and ladies. You have been warned.
I'm in the mood for a set of Monday groaners.
YOUR MONDAY GROANERS
"I'm sorry, but I can't be your Valentine."
"Really? Why not?"
"Medical reasons. You make me sick."
Eskimos are God's frozen people.
Do-It-Yourselfers follow the path of least assistance.
"You're taking your girlfriend to an aviary for Valentine's Day?"
"Yeah, she's a cheep date."
I bought a scale custom built for dogs but when I got it home, it wouldn't work. Apparently it only weighs in dog pounds.
What did one earthquake say to the other?
"Hey, it's not my fault."
Love triangles are never recommended. They almost always turn into wreck-tangles.
"Doctor, I think I must have swallowed a pillow. I feel a little down in the mouth."
WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: It's Beans Month (Dried or Fresh), but I notice they say nothing about ground. It's also Grapefruit Month. And African-American History Month; probably should have mentioned that last week. Tuesday is the anniversary of the Boy Scouts, Wednesday is National Stop Bullying Day (which has become a hot topic in high schools all over America), and Friday is White Shirt Day.