Friday, February 25, 2011

Common Hollywood Cliches

Whether we indulge in the viewing of them or not, Hollywood - and its products - have a huge impact on our society. Today's joke and website recognize that.

Of course, one of the benefits of periodically enjoying the output of Hollywood is the feeling of superiority it gives to us.



Aliens - No matter where they came from, their entire planet has learned how to live in peace and they have but one culture, one language, one style of clothing, etc.

Baths - Bubbles hide everything and never dissipate.

Bars - Troubled men gulp their drinks in one shot and immediately ask for another.

Bombs - Every single bomb has a digital display showing exactly when it will go off.

Cars - No one ever locks their car upon exiting it.

Car Chases - No matter where you are, there will be a Korean grocer with his vegetables out on the sidewalk for display in easily smashable wooden crates.

Dinner - Just met? Chinese takeout. Romantic dinner by candlelight? The other person never shows up. Family meal? Someone will get upset after a few bites and storm away from the table.

Fights - If you're supposed to win in the end, you will lose the first round. Every time.

Health - Have a cough? You'll be dead or declared terminal by the end of the reel.

Locks - All doors can be opened or lock-picked with a credit card or hairpin.

Radio/TV - Everything you need to know is heard or seen within moments of turning the set on. You then immediately turn it back off.

Schools - The bell always ring in the middle of the teacher's sentence.

Soldiers - If a soldier shows a buddy a picture of his small-town sweetheart, he will die soon. If a soldier talks about his dream vacation, he will die soon. If a soldier talks about what he wants to do when he gets out of the service, he will---well, you get the idea.

Technology - From any computer or smartphone, you can access the files of the villain's corporation. All video screens, no matter the size or model, will show a crystal clear 3-D reproduction of the image. Every single person knows how to type very quickly.

Weather - The weather serves only to emphasize the plot. Things going badly? Rain. Things going well? Sunny and warm. Occasionally the weather *is* the plot.

[selected from, with my thanks and respect]


WEBSITE of the WEEK: Sunday is the 83rd anniversary of the Oscars, Hollywood's highest award for excellence in cinema. This year it promises to be more "interactive" than ever, and there's a play-along game at So which movie do you pick for the Oscar? I've only seen four of the ten nominated.


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