Eep! Where has Monday gotten off to? I think it got lost amid the huge task list of items to be completed before Christmas.
Well, at least on the good news front, my wife is home, after being away for five weeks. I am a happy man.
MORE CHRISTMAS GROANERS
I crossed an archer with a gift-wrapper. I got Ribbon Hood.
Mom: What do you want for dinner?
Son: I'd like Father Christmas stew.
Mom: I don't know how to make Father Christmas stew.
Son: Get him stuck in a chimney!
Kris Kringle became a private detective and decided to go by the name Santa Clues.
Patient: Doctor, I'm a Christmas kleptomaniac. I can't keep myself from stealing other people's Christmas gifts!
Doctor: Well, have this prescription filled, then take three of these pills every day. If they don't work after a week, come back and see me. And bring me a new video camera.
How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don't feed it.
I'm so strong I could lift a reindeer with one arm.
Yeah, but where are we going to find a reindeer with one arm?
I asked for a dog for Christmas, but my mother told me I'd be having turkey, just like everyone else.
What's black and white, has feathers, and writes?
A ball point penguin.
[selected from several websites and most rewritten by Mark Raymond]
WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: You can still celebrate Safe Toys and Gifts Month, take a swipe at Gluten-Free Baking Week, or enjoy Crossword Puzzle Day tomorrow, Christmas Day on Saturday, and Boxing Day - when household owners traditionally boxed up gifts for their servants and staff and presented them on the day after Christmas - is on Sunday.