Hiding Place

Whether you shun the world of electronic publishing (eBooks) or embrace it and them, you have to admit it's a medium that seems here to stay.

And beginning July 4 and running for a month, you can download more than three-and-a-half million e-books, for free, at the World eBook Fair.

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In a spy novel I had just read, the hero hid a letter in a particular statue in the Washington, DC area. Since I was in the city at the time, I decided, on a whim, to visit the statue and see if it really did contain the small niche the author had described.

To my great surprise, it did. And even better, a letter wrapped in cellophane was stuck inside the niche!

After only a moment's hesitation, I pulled out the letter, unwrapped it, then opened it. And then I burst into laughter.

An unidentified hand had penned, "Good book, wasn't it?"

[Basic Jokes]

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Mark's Musings is available via RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, an Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Grocery Errand

Like finding deals on the Web? Are you the kind of person who clips coupons and saves money at the stores?

Then you might like this.

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After a long day out, my mother and I stopped at our local grocery store on the way home. I ran in to pick up just a few things, leaving her in the car.

As I approached the checkout, I was surprised to find her standing there, waiting for me.

"Mom," I said, "what are you doing here? I left the motor running."

"I know, dear," Mom replied, "and it's all right. I locked the doors."

[Reader's Digest via Joe's Clean Laffs]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami ... someone needs to tell the turkey, 'Man, just be yourself.' " (Mitch Hedberg)

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Mark's Musings is available via RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, an Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Disney Cleaner

Ever been to Disneyland or Walt Disney World? Notice how immaculate the parks usually are? You can thank a specialized custodial crew of approximately 600 people and 200 cats, including scuba divers, who give up their nights to earn a few bucks and maintain an incredibly high standard of cleanliness.

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While working at the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World, I was responsible for emptying the trash cans in front of the castle.

One afternoon as I was changing out the trash bag in one of the refuse bins, I saw a small girl point at me and overheard her ask her mother, "Who's that lady?"

"Why, honey," her mother replied, "that must be Cinderella, before she met her fairy godmother!"

[Daily Inbox via Wit and Wisdom]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: Taking a cue from the Disney movie, Finding Nemo, it's "Fish Are Friends, Not Food Week." Today is "Please Take My Children to Work Day," the seventh annual holiday for stay-at-home Moms. And it was on this day in 1914 that Archduke Ferdinand and his wife were assassinated, setting off a chain of events that culminated in World War I.

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Mark's Musings is available via RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, an Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Look at Me

Ah, the ol' schedule caught up with me again this week, leaving y'all without an e-mail post today. My apologies.

And, for some reason, this song has been stuck in my mind the past day or so. I wrote it "back in the day" when I was doing that sort of thing regularly.

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LOOK AT ME

I'm a child, look at me, I am growing wings
Butterfly, floating free on the rising wind
I could share it with you if you'd only see
How He holds all our tomorrows
In a moment

I'm a dream, look at me, I am coming true
I could be everything, if you only knew
How I long to be part of your heart and soul
And we could hold onto forever
In a moment

People can be such a lonely autumn
But winter never frightens those
Who know the spring
You can never find peace of mind
In the moonlight
But morning sun puts all your doubts to wing

I'm a song, look at me, I'm a serenade
Everything you would want in a grand parade
But I'm just passing through and it won't be long
Until I'm changed into forever
In a twinkling

(short acoustic guitar solo)

And people can be such a lonely autumn
But winter never frightens those
Who know the spring
And you can never find peace of mind
In the moonlight
But morning sun drives all your doubts to wing

I'm a child, look at me, I am growing wings
Butterfly, floating free on the rising wind
I could share it with you if you'd come with me
And we could lose this life together
In a moment


(words and music copyright by Mark Raymond; from his "Simply Divine" recording)

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: List member and fellow blogger Zach Y. turned me on to http://swagbucks.com/. It's a search site that pays you "swag bucks" for using it, as well as for many other things. With those bucks, you can purchase gift certificates to online retailers, or spend them on "swagstakes" where prizes such as an iPad or Amazon Kindle are given away.

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Mark's Musings is available via RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, an Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Out of Place

So I was reading recently about the flaps on sportcoat jacket pockets. Tucked in? Left out? Just what's the etiquette on that sort of thing?

Apparently, pockets were designed originally to not even have flaps, and flaps are considered a casual appendage. That's why formal attire - tuxedos and such - don't have any. They were brought into vogue by Edward, Prince of Wales. Apparently, it doesn't much matter what you do with a sport coat pocket flap ... if it can be tucked in and still look good, go for it. However, most pocket flaps are designed these days to be just wider than the pocket, so tucking would pucker the material and your appearance.

For your link today, find a few fashion and life tips from Esquire.

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As I was helping my daughter with a few things before her class entered the auditorium for her high school graduation, I noticed a young man nearby sporting a long, bleached-blond ponytail from the top of his otherwise shaved head. A heavy linked chain hung around his neck, and one ear sported several earrings.

I had to smile when I overheard him confide to a friend, "Man, I feel so out of place. I'm the only guy here not wearing a tie."

[Reader's Digest "Short Takes" via Wit and Wisdom]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "Then Jesus said to his disciples: 'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.' " (Luke 12:22-23)

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Mark's Musings dresses up on an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, an Amazon Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Two Friends

When I worked in retail for the Post Office, we also handled inquiries regarding post office box issues, since our unit was right next to the box section at our location. Many, many times people would come to the window demanding to know where their Social Security or other expected government check was, as it hadn't arrived in their box, yet. Routinely, part of our advice was always, "you should consider getting direct deposit." So many of them answered that they didn't trust that method, we eventually stopped suggesting it except on rare occasions.

Well, it appears that within six months, they - and every American - will no longer have a choice.

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Two friends meet in passing one day, and the first notices that the other man looks quite despondent. So he asks, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world has caved in on you?"

The sad fellow says, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear about your uncle's passing, but that's a bit of good news for you, too, isn't it?"

"Hold on, it gets better," says the glum guy. "Two weeks ago, a great-aunt I never knew I had passed away and left me twenty thousand, free and clear."

"Well, you can't be disappointed about that!"

"No, I'm not, but listen ... last week my grandfather went to his rest and I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars!"

"That's incredible! But why do you look so sad?"

The depressed man shakes his head and says, "Well ... this week? Nothing!"

[Joe's Clean Laffs]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: Let's talk about the word cashier. Used as a noun, it describes someone who handles payments, receipts, and other simple financial transactions. It originates with the Latin word "capsa," which meant case, as in a box. In French, it was "caisse" and the person reaching into the box was a "caissier." However, this word can also be used as a verb, signifying an action. When you "cashier" someone, you have dismissed that person from service, usually in disgrace. Thanks and a tip o'the Mark Musings cap to Anu Garg.

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Missionary Retirement

This is the week our church is involved in what it calls "Flint Mission IV." It's the fourth year we've set aside a week and funds to offer free home repairs to those around our church and city neighborhoods, instead of traveling to a distant state or country. We replace roofs, paint houses, remodel rooms, install drywall, replace bad plumbing, fix stairways and railings, etc. All for free and all in the name of service, community, and Jesus Christ.

The project has grown every year as more and more people hear about it. This year we are coordinating the work of seven churches participating, as well as a large group from our own church. Nearly 200 people will be working on seven houses over a five-day period.

As usual, my wife and daughter are a part of the crews, while I keep the home fires burning.

Please offer up some good thoughts and kind prayers for the team and that the weather would allow those working out of doors to accomplish their tasks.

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A missionary who had served in a remote part of Central America for years was retiring and returning to the U.S., and word had gotten out to the people of the region.

The nationals desired to honor her for all her years of service with a public celebration. News of the party went to all parts of the country that had been touched by the missionary's work.

One very old and very poor man walked to the ceremony, even though it was a four day journey over mountainous terrain. But he was determined to present a gift to this woman.

The gift consisted of just two coconuts, but it was all the man could bring. The missionary recognized him and knew where he lived, and just how far he had traveled.

"Brother," she said respectfully, "I cannot believe you would walk so far to present me with this gift."

His response?

"Long walk part of gift."

[Pastor Tim's Cybersalt Digest]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Unselfish and noble actions are the most radiant pages in the biography of souls." (David Thomas)

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Organic Biology

Hey, it's the first day of Summer.

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AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE

A professor stood before his organic biology class of 20 seniors, final exams in hand.

"I want to say before we begin the test just how much of a pleasure it's been teaching you this material over the year. I know you've all worked extremely hard and that many of you are off to medical school after the summer ends.

"So that no one gets their GPA messed up due to a poor grade on this final - caused, no doubt, by too many senior celebrations this week - I will offer a 'B' for the course to anyone who would like to opt out of today's final exam."

There was much rejoicing amongst the class as students got up and passed by the professor, many stopping to shake his hand and thank him on their way out. As the last person left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and said, "Anyone else? This is your last chance."

One last student rose up and took his offer.

After he had gone the professor closed the door and took attendance of the students remaining. "Glad to see you believe in yourselves," he said.

"You all get an 'A'."

[Net 153s Smile A Day]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: Besides being the Summer Solstice, it is National Daylight Appreciation Day, Go Skateboarding Day, Baby Boomer's Recognition Day, and National Mosquito Control Awareness Week.

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Get Mark's Musings on an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, on Amazon's Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

A Father Is...

We're headed out of town this weekend for what I think is the first ever Raymond Reunion. At least it's the first one I can recall. I've been to reunions on every other side of my and my wife's families, but never to one on my father's paternal side. So it should be interesting.

And then, of course, there's Father's Day.

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WHAT IS A FATHER?

A father is a person who's forced to endure childbirth without any kind of anesthetic. He growls when he feels good and laughs very loud when he is scared half-to-death.

A father never feels entirely worthy of the love and adoration in his children's eyes. He is never quite the hero his daughter thinks; never quite the man his son believes him to be. And this worries him sometimes, so he works twice as hard to smooth out the rough places his children might need to follow.

A father is a person who goes to war sometimes ... and he would run the other way except that war is an important job to him, and that job is making the world a safer place for his children.

Fathers grow old faster than other people, because they, in other wars, have to stand at the station and wave goodbye to the uniforms that are leaving, knowing what they are going into.

And while mothers cry where it shows, fathers stand and beam a smile ... and they cry and sometimes die on the inside.

Fathers are men who give their daughters away to other men who aren't nearly good enough so they can have grandchildren that are smarter than anybody's.

Fathers fight dragons almost daily. They hurry away from the breakfast table and off to the arena, which is sometimes called an office, or a factory. There they tackle a dragon with three heads, which are named Weariness, Work, and Monotony. They fight with thin weapons called Commitment, Duty, and Faith. And they never quite win the fight, but they never give up.

Knights wear shining armor, fathers wear shiny trousers. And there's really very little difference.

And when Father passes away, he'll take a good rest, but he won't just sit on that cloud and wait for the girl he loves forever ... he'll be busy there, too. He'll be the one repairing the stars, oiling the gates, improving the streets, and trying to smooth the way for others to follow.

[Mikey's Funnies; edits and additional material by Mark Raymond]

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WEBSITE of the WEEK: While I was at a Men's Conference recently, I was introduced to Carey Casey, and had the opportunity to hear him speak. He is the CEO of the "National Center for Fathering" at http://www.fathers.com/. Lots of links and resources there to help you and/or the men in your life become a better dad.

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God's Mess

Today is the day many traditionally celebrate the birth of John Wesley, who is considered to be the founder of the United Methodist Church. He would be 307 years old.

For an institution that's nearly three centuries along, that website has some pretty interesting stuff on it.

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I was the teacher for a toddler-aged Sunday School class, which included my 14-month old daughter. During our lesson on creation, I'd ask questions like, "Who made the trees?" or "Who made the sun?" and the children would respond, "God did!" I was pleased that the children seemed to quickly learn that God made everything.

The lessons at home weren't going so well. I had tried repeatedly to get my daughter to pick up her toys when she was done with them, and she just wasn't learning this very quickly at all. One day I walked into the living room to find toys scattered simply everywhere. In exasperation I asked, "Who made this mess?!"

My daughter looked at me, beamed a proud smile, and exclaimed, "God did!"

[A Dose of Inspiration via Wit and Wisdom]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities -- his eternal power and divine nature -- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." (Romans 1:20)

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Peanuts

I haven't seen much of them lately, but do you remember those styrofoam packing "peanuts" companies used in packaging to fill up the space and give some protection to whatever was inside the box?

What if they were *really* peanuts? Or at least edible? Check out the video from "Future Food" chefs Omar and Ben as they take this biodegradable, edible treat to an actual post office.

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A teacher in charge of a field trip to the zoo was dismayed when she was summoned to the security office. There sat three of her charges. She was informed they had been causing a commotion at the elephant exhibit.

"All right, now, boys," said the chief of security, "I want you to tell me your names and what you were doing there at the elephant's pen. If you lie to me, I'll know because we have your teacher right here."

The first boy said, "My name is Gary, and I was just trying to throw peanuts at the elephants."

The second boy said, "My name is Samuel, and I was just throwing peanuts to the elephants, too."

The third boy was a little more shaken up, and said, "My name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts."

[You Make Me Laugh via Good Clean Funnies List]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: If you are a teetotaler, what are you? Originally, you would be a person who has sworn off alcoholic drink of any kind. The first part, "tee," is simply a re-emphasis of the first letter in the word "total." Think of it as a shorthand way of saying "Total with a capital 'T'." Nowadays the word can be used to describe a person who has sworn off anything.

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Get Mark's Musings on an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, on Amazon's Kindle and via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Chow

So, have you heard the news? Apparently the war in Afghanistan will now be funded by the Energizer Bunny.

Huge deposits of minerals have been found in the country, including what could be the world's largest supply of lithium, which is used in batteries. We're talking enough to change the entire future of that war-torn region.

Pray now not just to preserve life there, but for wisdom in coming decisions.

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During my Army Reserve annual training at Fort Ord, California, our battalion commander was upset that our evening chow was late. He called the mess hall, and the mess sergeant explained that because their vehicle had broken down, they were unable to deliver field rations to our bivouac site.

Our commander immediately yelled for his driver. "Private! Drive to the mess hall and get chow!"

The private took off. It was a 15-minute trip there and back. Over an hour later, he finally returned, empty-handed, much to our dismay.

"Private!" demanded the commander. "What about chow?"

"It was delicious, sir," the driver replied. "I got there right before the mess hall closed, so I was able to get seconds."

[Humor in Uniform via Doc's Daily Chuckle]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Well, I can't say just where we are, but we're not in Kansas anymore." (CNN Reporter embedded with troops)

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Post #800: Flag Quotes

It's Flag Day here in the U.S.

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AMERICAN FLAG QUOTATIONS

"We take the stars from heaven, the red from our mother country, separating it by white stripes, thus showing that we have separated from her, and the white stripes shall go down to prosperity, representing our liberty." (Attributed to George Washington)

"Our flag means all that our fathers meant in the Revolutionary War. It means all that the Declaration of Independence meant. It means justice. It means liberty. It means happiness ... every color means liberty. Every thread means liberty. Every star and stripe means liberty." (Henry Ward Beecher)

"The flag of the United States has not been created by rhetorical sentences in declarations of independence and in bills of rights. It has been created by the experience of a great people, and nothing is written upon it that has not been written by their life. It is the embodiment, not of a sentiment, but of a history." (Woodrow Wilson)

[with thanks to the Quote Garden]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: Besides Flag Day, it is Men's Health Week, and Meet A Mate week. Today is also World Blood Donor Day, Family History Day, and the 235^th birthday of the U.S. Army.

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Mark's Musings salutes an RSS Feed, waves on a Facebook Note, flaps in the breeze on Amazon's Kindle and flies into your Inbox via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. And brave. ISSN 2154-9761.

Daughters, Dads, and Don'ts

A spot of trouble with the teenager today. Nothing we can't get past. Just another speed bump on this road called "adolescence."

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THINGS A TEENAGE GIRL DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM HER DAD

"Let me explain what 'deductible' means on our car insurance."

"Your mom's almost ready. When do we leave for our double date?"

"Seems to me last year's prom dress still has some life in it."

"I signed us up for the karaoke duets contest this weekend."

"We ate possum toes like popcorn when I was a kid."

"Isn't it about time you bought some new bras?"

"I am so proud you've decided to keep the family unibrow."

"You don't need to go shopping tonight. I picked out your new purse on the way home."

"Hey, I ran into Bobby at the grocery store. I told him you were really hoping he'd ask you to the dance."

"By the way, I had to borrow your deodorant yesterday."

[Mikey's Funnies; some edits and additional material by Mark Raymond]

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WEBSITE of the WEEK: I don't know whether it's because I take a gang of vitamins each day, or I come from hardy DNA stock, or just general clean living, but I haven't been sick or missed a day of work unexpectedly due to illness since last December. Probably many of you have even longer track records. When you do develop a symptom, however, how do you know how serious it is? Enter the Mayo Clinic's "Symptom Checker" at http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/symptom-checker/DS00671. Thanks and a tip o'the Mark's Musings cap to Ms. Kim Komando.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761.

Surplus Chickens

Perusing an old issue of Nybble, I discovered that University of Delaware researchers were working on ways to store hydrogen fuel. Hydrogen is the most common element in our universe, and is three times more powerful than gasoline, while giving off just water residue when used, instead of nasty carbon monoxide. But to store enough of it to power a vehicle, you'd need either a 75-gallon liquid tank, or carbonized nanotubes that would cost several millions to roll them into the space of a 20-gallon tank.

Enter the poultry industry, with the nearly six billion pounds of waste chicken feathers they produce each year. The U of D people discovered that these chicken feathers - when heated to 700 degrees - turn into little carbonized nanotubes capable of storing hydrogen. Creating a storage tank for hydrogen using chicken feathers would only add about $200 to the cost of your car.

And you thought I was kidding.

What's more, those same researchers are now saying that chicken feathers can be used to help clean up the Gulf oil spill.

This news could positively revolutionize the way KFC goes about marketing itself.

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SIGNS YOUR COMMUNITY HAS TOO MANY CHICKENS

Lately you've found yourself walking on eggshells. Literally.

The "Which Came First" debate has paralyzed your city council for months.

*Everything* tastes like chicken.

At least once a week your local newspaper declares the sky is falling.

The local Weight Watchers group has a membership that is 90% coyotes.

The crosswalk signs now say "Walk," "Wait," and "Why?".

[selected from Chris White's Top Five on Pets]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart." (Psalm 91:2-4)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free.

Father Signs

With many thanks to list member Kim Quiggle and our Facebook friendship, I will point you today to Perpetual Kid for some unique and creative Father's Day gifts.

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YOU MIGHT BE A FATHER IF....

...you hear yourself saying, "Go ask your mother."

...you've ever used the expression, "Because I said so!"

...your favorite football team plays in the City Little League.

...your favorite expression around children is, "When I was your age...."

...you have to get down on your knees to receive and give a proper hug.

...in your garage, the smell of dirty diapers has replaced the aroma of motor oil.

...you no longer carry any meaningful amount of cash.

[inspiration from Clean Hewmor via Ed Peacher's Laughter for a Saturday; additional material by Mark Raymond]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: Some people have stoic personalities. That means they generally don't show much emotion; they appear indifferent to either good news or bad news. Back in Ancient Greece, a philosopher named Zeno taught that one should be free from passion, unmoved by either grief or elation, then and only then could one make logical and rational decisions about life. Zeno would have made a marvelous Vulcan. He taught on a large porch in Athens, with tall marble columns. The porch was called a stoa. The people who listened and followed his teachings were called Stoics.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free.

Golden Oldie

Here is a link about clothes that react to your mood. While it may have some commercial application in, say, mental health institutions, I just don't see the concept catching on with society in general.

Your thoughts? Would you wear clothing that could determine when you were angry or depressed, and then send words and music to make you feel better?

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AN OLDIE BUT A GOODIE

My friend Dan bought his wife one those mood rings.

When she's happy, the ring turns green. When she's relaxed, the ring is blue.

And when she's angry, the ring leaves a bright red mark on Dan's forehead.

[Mark's Musings Archive]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy." (Robert Anthony)

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Mark's Musings is available, no purchase necessary, via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free.

Express Lane

Off this morning to the funeral of the last grandmother on my side of the family. Donna Hillman was 97 years old when she passed. She was my Grandpa's second wife - Grandpa Hillman passed nearly 20 years ago - and they married later in life, after I was well out on my own and recently married myself, so I never got to know her as well as I should have, but my folks remained close and kept me updated on her life as they could. Donna was kind, and wise, and we shared an employer, as she also worked for the U.S. Postal Service for 30 years. That's her picture at the upper right.

For your link today, see what you can do about extending your own life by buying some of these 125 healthiest supermarket foods.

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It was early Saturday afternoon and my friend Ray had rushed down to our local supermarket to snap up some hamburger rolls, chips, and a few condiments before another big afternoon of college football games. He was having a few friends over and he'd gotten a late start on his preparations, so he was in a big hurry.

Of course, the market was loaded with shoppers but as he approached the checkout area, he saw that one express lane was open. He made a quick count and realized he was under the limit posted and dashed toward the open lane, but just before he reached it an older woman with a cart piled high with groceries slipped in ahead of him.

Frustrated and chafing at not only the delay, but this infraction of the market's rules, Ray couldn't believe that the cashier smiled at the woman and waved her to push the overloaded cart forward.

He couldn't hold back a chuckle, however, when the cashier carefully looked over the items in the cart and kindly said, "So, ma'am, which ten items here would you like to buy?"

[Good Clean Funnies List]

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WELCOME to YOUR WEEK: It's National Sun Safety Week, and it's National Automotive Service Professionals Week, so get your favorite mechanic a bouquet of wrenches. Thursday is Ball Point Pen Day, Friday is Corn on the Cob Day, and today is Daniel Boone Day. Feel free to pull that coonskin cap out of the closet.

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Mark's Musings is available, no purchase necessary, via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free.

Random Thoughts II - 2010

What with my sabbatical and all, I know you're long overdue for some random thinking.

Which, by the way, you can get on a pretty regular basis by checking my Twitter account.

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RANDOM ACTS of THINKING
Part the Second

My first year in college I was a five-letter man. Those letters were F-L-U-N-K.

I was in the restroom of a popular restaurant and I noticed that someone had written, "What Would Jesus Do?" on the wall. Below that another person wrote, "Wash His Hands." And below that a third person had scribbled, "And Your Feet."

My plumber said he couldn't put in the bathroom fixtures until next month. That's a shower stall if I've ever heard one.

I ran across a new diet plan that was so good it promised to take my breadth away.

I saw an online ad: "For Sale - One York Peppermint Patty. Mint Condition."

A friend of mine walked into a bar and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like my friend.

If God had a favorite dog food, I bet it would be IAMS.

Is it possible to say Worcestershire Sauce and not sound like you need to take a breathalyzer?

I knew a plumber who became a shoe salesman. For the life of him, he couldn't sell anyone clogs, though.

When it comes to telling people how old she is, my wife is shy ... about ten years shy, usually.

My jeans have gone from relaxed fit to just plain lazy.

I watched the finale of "Lost." The title was fitting, because that's how it left me.

Let's see, my credit is shot and no one will lend me a dime ... hey! I'm financially independent!

[found, finagled, financed, frightened, fought, and brought forth from Net 153's Smile A Day, Mikey's Funnies, Bob Thave's Frank & Ernest, Cassatt & Brookins' Shoe, Top Greetings, Jim Gaffigan, Glenn & Gary McCoy, and the mind of Mark Raymond]

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WEBSITE of the WEEK: When you own a pair of used "treasures" such as the two vehicles we lovingly call part of our family, you find yourself visiting http://repairpal.com/ often. Get an idea of what repairs and routine service will cost, find a reliable repair shop if you live near a big city, get general information about your car (or a prospective car), and keep track of your repairs and routine service.

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Mark's Musings is always available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free.

Carny Judgment

We have reached that part of the calendar where my little city throws its annual Hometown Days Festival.

We'll take in a day or two of it, try to avoid the mosquitoes, and perhaps see my friend Virginia and her band, Stillwater, on Sunday.

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In a tragically unfortunate accident, a carnival truck collides head-on with a preacher who was on his way to lead a series of revival tent meetings. Soon the preacher finds himself standing before Saint Peter, and being questioned thoroughly.

In the middle of this interrogation, the group of carnies who were in the truck come up, reeking of beer and cheap cigars. Saint Peter looks them over once, then waves them on in.

The preacher is beside himself with frustration. "How can you let those filthy, unrighteous hooligans into Heaven while you stand here and give me the third degree?!" he splutters indignantly.

"Take it easy," Saint Peter replies, "they're only going to be here a week."

[found on the Web]

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:9)

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free.

More Nuggets of Wisdom

Today is Quote Queen and list member Molly Rhea's birthday.

Today's post is something she sent me two years ago in celebration of her day.

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SELECTIONS FROM "GOD NEVER BLINKS"

Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

It's okay to get angry with God. He can take it.

Don't compare your life to others' lives. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

Burn the candles. Use the nice sheets. Wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

What other people think of you is none of your business.

Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.

If you don't ask, you don't get.

[Regina Brett via Molly Rhea's Quotes of the Day]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: When they say someone has an "indomitable" spirit, what do they mean? The word is, as most words are, from Latin where domare meant "to tame." Adding the negative prefix of "in," the word became indomitabilis, and from there it was a short leap to indomitable. It literally means untamable. An indomitable spirit is wild, unable to be conquered, strong.

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, Amazon's Kindle and e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free.

Doyle's Taxi

Okay, time for some summertime fun time in the sunshine! Or was that summershine fun in the sun time?

Either way - thanks to list member and list owner Kim Quiggle - here's ten links from The Simple Dollar to find inexpensive ways to enjoy your summer.

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Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of that great fictional detective, Sherlock Holmes, reportedly tells the story of the time he went on vacation and had climbed into a taxi cab in Paris.

Before Doyle could utter a word, the driver turns to him and asks, "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?"

The famous author was flabbergasted. He asked the cab driver if they had ever met before. They had not. It was, in fact, the first time they had laid eyes on each other.

"Then how the blazes did you know it was me?" Doyle asked.

The cab driver said, "This morning's paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who travel to Paris from Marseilles usually arrive at. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The spot of ink on your index finger suggests that you are most likely a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French or German. Adding all these clues together, I deduced that you are Arthur Conan Doyle."

"Good show! Well done!" exclaimed Doyle. "You are a real-life counterpart to my own Mr. Sherlock Holmes!"

"There is one other thing," the driver adds.

"What is that?"

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase."

[Colorado Comments via Wit and Wisdom]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "You see, but you do not observe. The distinction is clear." (Sherlock Holmes, to Watson)

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Mark's Musings tracks an RSS Feed, looks for clues in a Facebook Note, Amazon Kindle and arrests your Inbox via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free.