Online Too Much

Last November - the 12th, to be exact - I told you about a couple of new ways to use the "411" information option from your cell phone that wouldn't cost you anything.

List member Steve J. has sent me another: this one is by Google. Here's what you do, in a nutshell:

1. Call 1-800-GOOG-411 (800-4664-411).
2. Say what city you're in.
3. Say what business or person you need.
- The service will give you a numbered list of results. -
4. Say what number off the list you want.
5. The service connects you.

This will work with any phone, of course. If using a cell phone, you can also have results sent to your phone via text message. And if your phone has Internet connectivity, you can also say "Map It" and have a map to the business sent to your phone.

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MORE WAYS TO TELL YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ONLINE

Your driver's license also has your email address.

You have four separate phone lines, yet you live alone.

America Online solved all of its access problems by kicking you off the service.

Even your waterbed is hooked up to a modem.

Instead of asking someone where they live, you say, "What's the URL?"

You really *do* have a mouse in your pocket.

You give your kids online time as their weekly allowance.

You have a low-grade year-round tan from the monitor's glow.

To speed up your downloads, you're running your modem through your microwave.

When your spouse is scratching your back, you say, "Scroll down."

You bump into an old friend on the street, and run home so you can use a live chat room with him.

When you say, "my better half," you mean your computer.

[Clean Humor Digest; edits and some additional material by Mark Raymond]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK (classic): "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history ... with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." (Mitch Ratcliffe)

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