More Bad Music Jokes

Once upon a time there was a little three-piece band in Europe, known as "Johnny and the Moondogs." Soon they added a bass player and changed their name to "The Silver Beetles." Eventually it was shortened and slightly modified to just "The Beatles."

Pete Best joined the band as their drummer in 1960, replacing a gent named Tommy Moore. The old bass player left in 1961 and the band returned to Liverpool. A year later, Richard Starkey - who went by the name Ringo Starr - replaced Pete Best and the quartet recorded "Love Me Do," which became their first Top 20 hit in the U.K.

Two years later, The Beatles appeared in America on The Ed Sullivan show and the rest, as they say, is history.

So why am I bringing this up today? Because it was on this day - January 30, back in 1969 - that The Beatles appeared in public together, as a band, for the last time. They held an impromptu concert on the roof of their recording studio. When neighbors finally complained about the "noise," the police came by and shut things down. It was then that John Lennon uttered his famous last words, "I'd like to say thank you very much on behalf of the group and myself and I hope we passed the audition." Fifteen months later, The Beatles officially broke up.

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MORE BAD MUSIC JOKES

I once heard a trombone described as a slide whistle with delusions of grandeur.

The definition of a gentleman? A man who, while he CAN play the trombone, chooses not to.

A female vocalist asks her keyboard player, "Can we jazz up 'My Funny Valentine' a little for tonight's gig?" Keyboard guys says, "Sure. We'll start in G-minor then modulate up to G#-minor in 5/4 time for the second chorus. Then we'll jump to A-minor in 3/4 time for the bridge and finish by cutting off the last eight bars." The singer says, "Gee, that might be too complicated to do without a rehearsal." Keyboard player responds, "I don't know why. That's how you did it last night."

What is a burning basson good for? Setting fire to an oboe!

What's the difference between a violinist and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathizers!

How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have machines that do that, now.

Why are orchestra intermissions only 20 minutes long?
So you don't have to retrain the cellists.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline.

How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to change the bulb and four to complain about the fact it's ELECTRIC.

What's a more specific, scientific name for the trombone?
A wind-driven, manually-operated pitch approximator.

Kenny G. walks into an elevator and says, "This rocks!"

Is half a tuba a one-ba?

What is perfect pitch?
When you throw a banjo into the dumpster and it lands EXACTLY on top of the bagpipes!

[selected from Preston Beechwood's website]

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My wife, Bonnie, has been going through some tough physical trials lately that have left her unable to work and forbidden to drive - at least until the tests are completed, which will take almost three more weeks. So we'll take all the kind thoughts and good prayers you may have on her behalf.

And I'll see you on Monday which, if my calendar is correct, should be Groundhog Day. Already. Mmmm, mmm, mmm. How time flies when you're having fun.

Mark

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: I don't know why I haven't picked this one before, but http://www.craigslist.org/ has become the Gold Standard of Internet Classified Ads. And don't be fooled by the list of U.S. Cities on the home page ... odds are good there's a local Craigslist for you to peruse. Click your state (or your country) and you'll see a more indepth list of cities available to choose from. The list encompasses pretty much *everything* which means click carefully. 'Nuff said.

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Mark's Musings is certified by the folks at Habeas to be spam-free. That means I'll never email you spam. Ever. Not even once. Subscribe, view past issues in the Archives, and click to your heart's content at my web site. To contact me and sooner or later get a reply, click here. It's snowing again as I type this. Grrrrr. You can forward or reprint "Mark's Musings" freely but please keep the credits attached. The credits have spoken nothing but nice things about you. Please return the favor. Original material and commentary © 2009 by Mark Raymond. I update this blog with a copy of this post daily and occasionally toss in bonus material on the weekends (or whenever the mood strikes). Look for the label that says "Weekend" and you can bring them all up with one click. My personal mission statement remains John 3:30. "He must increase, I must decrease."

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of both the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." (George Washington Carver)