Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Canadian Tourism

I have quite a few readers from Canada on my list, so please forgive me for this, but: what's wrong with you people?!?

Stacey Fearnall raised money for a cancer charity by promising to shave her head if she reached a certain amount. She did, and she did.

But her employer, Nathaniel's restaurant in Owen Sound, said she had to take the summer off, until her hair grew back. They claimed that there were personal hygiene standards, including length of hair, for employees, and this was an "internal staff issue." The manager was also quoted in the Canadian Press as saying he's heard from many customers who would be "appalled" to be waited upon by Stacey.

Now, to be fair, many, many other Canadians were just as outraged as you probably feel right now. This has turned into quite a story in the Great White North. Read any of the entries Google found here.


Real Questions. Fake Answers.

Q. I have never seen it warm in Canada on television. How do they plants grow?
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around, watching them die.

Q. Will I be able to see polar bears in the street?
A. Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q. I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto. Can I follow the railroad tracks?
A. Sure. It's 4,000 miles. Bring lots of water.

Q. Can you give me information on hippo racing in Canada?
A. Hippo...? We think you want the big triangle-shaped country south of Europe. It's called Afri---oh, forget it. Sure. We have them after every hockey game in Calgary.

Q. Do you have perfume in Canada?
A. Nope. We don't stink.

Q. I've developed a new fountain of youth drink. Can I sell it in Canada?
A. Certainly. Anywhere large numbers of Americans gather.

Q. Will I be able to speak English in most places I visit in Canada?
A. Only if you know it.

Q. Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule?
A. We think you want Austria, that quaint country bordering Germ---oh, forget it. Sure. They sing after every hockey game in Calgary. Right after the hippo races.

[Humor Section Blog; edits and rewrites by Mark Raymond]


WONDER for YOUR WEEK: Is it true they were originally going to call Canada the "Cold Northern Dominion" but decided to abbreviate it? (When asked to spell it, the scribe was told: C-eh? N-eh? D-eh?)


Mark's Musings is also sent each weekday via email and when you've finished frying that back bacon, scoop up your own subscription for free by clicking here.

No comments: