Monday Groaners

And so we've begun the last week of 2009. Time to check our progress on those old New Year's resolutions and start thinking about some new ones.

And that means it's also time for just about every website, blogger, and newspaper or magazine feature writer to start summing up the Best and Worst of 2009.

Fimoculous hosts the Mother of All 2009 Lists. Click with care and good judgment, people. There are almost 700 entries here.

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YOUR MONDAY GROANERS

In an old deli, the workers were told they could have any one item out of the deli case during their lunch hour; any item at all ... except the smoked salmon. That was off limits. And that's the first time anyone heard of anti-lox breaks.

In old Africa, a tribal chieftain's daughter was offered as wife to the son of a neighboring clan for the price of two cows and four sheep. The big swap was to take place on the south shore of the river that separated the two villages. The father and bride showed up at the appointed place on time, only to see that the groom and his livestock were waiting on the north side of the river. "That fool," muttered the father, "doesn't even know which side his bride is bartered on."

Tina Gold, the famed Hollywood agent, was once so distraught at being unable to find work for one of her clients that upon reporting she had failed to the young starlet, she burst into tears. The ingénue patted her on the back and said, "Don't cry for me, Agent Tina."

"Doctor, doctor! I think I might be a burglar!"
"Have you taken anything for it?"

Did you know that Superman used to use puns to entertain his girlfriend? That's why they're called the Lois form of humor.

[JokeMaster]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: Here's a word I find myself using quite often, actually. When you have a lot of something to do - say phone calls to make - you have a plethora of phone calls to make. It's lifted straight from Medieval Latin and Greek and means "fullness" in the sense of an abundance of fullness. It was used during the 1500s in the medical profession to describe an excess of bodily fluids and found its way into everyday use.

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