Claus Memo

This year my daughter has been wondering why we ask people for a Christmas list. "What fun is it to give someone a gift when they know what it will be?" Which reminded me that we used to give "area gifts" ... we'd get a Christmas list from someone just to see what kind of stuff they liked, and then buy something based on an area of their interests, but not on their list.

We weren't very popular in our family for a few years. Now we stick with traditional methods. People seem to enjoy the surprise of discovering just which item(s) from their list was chosen.

Speaking of tradition, the North American Defense Grid - otherwise known as NORAD - is once again setting up a website where you can track Santa's flight as he departs the North Pole Thursday night.

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MEMORANDUM
From: Commander, Joint Arctic Operations Detachment
Subject: Distinguished Visitor
Date: 23 December 2009

1. An official visit by Major General Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2009. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the actions of all personnel during said visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This includes indigenous mice.

b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2009.

c. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for use in visions dancing through heads.

d. Stockings, wool, cushioned sole, will be hung by chimney with care.

e. At the first sign of clatter from company lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open shutters and throw open window sashes.

f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 2009, all personnel will be assigned "Wondering Eye" stations. After shutters and sashes opened, these stations will be manned.

g. ODCSLOG will assign to MG Claus one each Sleigh, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny. Rooftop parking will be authorized.

2. MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during these ceremonies.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed in synchronized shouting of "Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night." Uniformity of shouting will be responsibility of division chiefs.

[Mikey's Funnies, again, edited and abridged by Mark Raymond]

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WONDER for YOUR WEEK: (Golden Classic) If Good King Wenceslas ordered pizza, would it be deep pan, crisp and even?

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