Bachelor's Diet

So what's your favorite snack food?

I confess I like all the stuff that's horrible for you, though I don't snack on it regularly. I do try to include at least one fruit a day. And I occasionally have a spot of green tea in a berry-flavored bubbly drink. (I posted about "Enviga^TM" in December of 2006. Now I drink it. Can't say I don't endorse my own writing!)

Here's a list of 20 snack foods that not only sound good for you, they're even supposed to enhance your productivity.

We could all use some of that, couldn't we?

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THE BACHELOR'S DIET

MONDAY
Breakfast - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste.
Lunch - Pick up six "gutbomber" burgers, fries, bowl of chili, a cola, and have your secretary find some Maalox.
Snack - Drink the Maalox.
Dinner - Six pack of root beer and a three piece chicken dinner from KFC. Don't eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY
Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw.
Lunch - At the office vending machine, drop in four quarters, close your eyes, press any two buttons and eat whatever comes out without looking. Quickly.
Dinner - Four tacos, three burritos, a bowl of salsa and a pitcher of anything liquid at Los Chi Chi's Bell.

WEDNESDAY
Breakfast - Stomach can't handle breakfast after last night's dinner.
Lunch - Rolaids and a cola.
Dinner - Drop in at a married friend's home and beg for scraps. Pick up a pizza on the way home. Don't eat it.

THURSDAY
Breakfast - Eat the pizza.
Lunch - See if there are any "gutbombers" left in the sack.
Dinner - Stop at your local grocery store. Buy whatever fruit is on sale. All of it.

FRIDAY
Breakfast - Whatever's being advertised at McDonalds. Throw away the food, eat the Styrofoam. It's better for you and it tastes better.
Lunch - Too anxious to get out of work for the weekend; skip lunch.
Dinner - Steak, baked potato, asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus. Nobody likes asparagus.

SATURDAY
Breakfast - Sleep through it.
Lunch - Ditto.
Dinner - Steak, baked potato, Brussels sprouts. Don't eat the Brussels sprouts. Who eats Brussels sprouts?

SUNDAY
Breakfast - Antacids and a Twinkie.
Lunch - Wherever the folks from church are going.
Dinner - Chicken Noodle Soup.

MONDAY
Call home and ask about renting your old room. Start a vegetable garden with the asparagus and Brussels sprouts.

[originally seen in Joe's Clean Laffs; edits and rewrites by Mark Raymond]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." (G.K. Chesterton)

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