Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tax Humor

My wife and I donned our spelunking gear and dove into the "Big Dig" today. That's where we comb through every lick of paper piled on my desk and in nearby piles (that's not a typo; some people have a filing system ... I have a piling system). We're on our annual tax documentation excursion.

By the way, you know that this year we have until April 18 to get those tax forms in, right? Apparently tomorrow is the Washington, DC celebration of "Emancipation Day" and all the federal offices there are closed, pushing the deadline to Monday.

Every January my wife looks me in the eye and says, "We will file early this year." And every year I reply, "Yes, dear."

And here we are again, knee deep in the paper cave as the deadline crawls near. (sigh)



A taxpayer received a strongly worded "Second Notice" that his taxes were overdue. He hurried down to his local IRS office and paid, saying apologetically that he must have missed the first notice. "Oh," replied the agent, "we don't send out first notices. We have much better luck if we start with the second notice."

People who complain about taxes can be divided into two groups: men and women.

"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta." (Dave Barry)

The wages of sin are death, but by the time you take taxes out, it's just sort of a tired, run down feeling.

How do you know you've hired a good tax advisor? There's a loophole named after him or her.

"Worried about a tax audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in the bank after paying your taxes. That's a red flag." (Jay Leno)

"If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract ... teach him to deduct." (Fran Lebowitz)

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WISDOM for YOUR WEEK: "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" (Matthew 5:46)


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