Here's something you haven't seen from me in awhile.
RANDOM ACTS of THINKING, 2011
Part the First
He who laughs last also laughs first, if no one laughs in the middle.
I am not stupid. Everyone else is just smarter than me.
I hear that in Florida they use alligators to make handbags and shoes. It's amazing what they can train animals to do these days.
My friend Adam had a terrible cough. Someone asked if it was a productive cough. He replied, "Yes, it's exceeded all my expectorations." (Yeah, I groaned, too.)
Being vague is just as bad as that other thing.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
Burning calories is too much work. I prefer to simmer them.
Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
Are piñatas victims of child abuse?
Mom says I would have made a good electrician because I spent most of my childhood grounded.
My oven has a button that says "Stop Time." It probably means "Stop Timer" but I don't touch it. Just in case.
I couldn't afford an engagement ring, so I bought her an engagement ringtone.
Do you think folk singers on death row are executed in the Acoustic Chair?
[manhandled, massaged, mended, mustered, and marketed from Mikey's Funnies, Wise & Aldrich, Pieces of Flair, Status Kings, Shoe, Randy Glasbergen, A Prairie Home Companion, and the mind of Mark Raymond]
WEBSITE of the WEEK: No matter what e-Reader you use (if you're using one at all), you can find a format to fit it - and just about any book you can imagine - at http://www.fictionwise.com/. You'll probably have to find it from a different source, but you can even load a reader onto your Smartphone - and I know a bunch of you use those - and download a format that will work so the next time you find yourself unexpectedly stuck in a line or a lobby, whip out your phone and read.