Friday, April 08, 2011

Random Thoughts I, 2011

Here's something you haven't seen from me in awhile.


Part the First

He who laughs last also laughs first, if no one laughs in the middle.

I am not stupid. Everyone else is just smarter than me.

I hear that in Florida they use alligators to make handbags and shoes. It's amazing what they can train animals to do these days.

My friend Adam had a terrible cough. Someone asked if it was a productive cough. He replied, "Yes, it's exceeded all my expectorations." (Yeah, I groaned, too.)

Being vague is just as bad as that other thing.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Burning calories is too much work. I prefer to simmer them.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Are piƱatas victims of child abuse?

Mom says I would have made a good electrician because I spent most of my childhood grounded.

My oven has a button that says "Stop Time." It probably means "Stop Timer" but I don't touch it. Just in case.

I couldn't afford an engagement ring, so I bought her an engagement ringtone.

Do you think folk singers on death row are executed in the Acoustic Chair?

[manhandled, massaged, mended, mustered, and marketed from Mikey's Funnies, Wise & Aldrich, Pieces of Flair, Status Kings, Shoe, Randy Glasbergen, A Prairie Home Companion, and the mind of Mark Raymond]


WEBSITE of the WEEK: No matter what e-Reader you use (if you're using one at all), you can find a format to fit it - and just about any book you can imagine - at You'll probably have to find it from a different source, but you can even load a reader onto your Smartphone - and I know a bunch of you use those - and download a format that will work so the next time you find yourself unexpectedly stuck in a line or a lobby, whip out your phone and read.


Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle (just 99¢. A month.) and arrives via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761

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