Random Thoughts I, 2011

Here's something you haven't seen from me in awhile.

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RANDOM ACTS of THINKING, 2011
Part the First

He who laughs last also laughs first, if no one laughs in the middle.

I am not stupid. Everyone else is just smarter than me.

I hear that in Florida they use alligators to make handbags and shoes. It's amazing what they can train animals to do these days.

My friend Adam had a terrible cough. Someone asked if it was a productive cough. He replied, "Yes, it's exceeded all my expectorations." (Yeah, I groaned, too.)

Being vague is just as bad as that other thing.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Burning calories is too much work. I prefer to simmer them.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Are piñatas victims of child abuse?

Mom says I would have made a good electrician because I spent most of my childhood grounded.

My oven has a button that says "Stop Time." It probably means "Stop Timer" but I don't touch it. Just in case.

I couldn't afford an engagement ring, so I bought her an engagement ringtone.

Do you think folk singers on death row are executed in the Acoustic Chair?

[manhandled, massaged, mended, mustered, and marketed from Mikey's Funnies, Wise & Aldrich, Pieces of Flair, Status Kings, Shoe, Randy Glasbergen, A Prairie Home Companion, and the mind of Mark Raymond]

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Mark's Musings is available via an RSS Feed, a Facebook Note, the Amazon Kindle (just 99¢. A month.) and arrives via e-mail each weekday (usually). Subscriptions are free. ISSN 2154-9761