Welcome Back Groaners

Oh my goodness, what a week.

As soon as the deadlines were done last week, I whisked my bride away on a secret surprise five-day trip to Chicago to celebrate her milestone birthday. We attended a taping of NPR's "Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me," went to the Art Institute, the Sky Deck at Willis Tower, the Field Museum of Natural History, Navy Pier, walked a good chunk of "The Magnificent Mile," dined 95 stories above the city at the Hancock Building, took in Shedd Aquarium, and spent a fun-filled day with some of our best friends. And I have a new appreciation for Amtrak.

But now it's back to post and back to work tomorrow. I haven't said anything about it yet, but Japan will need our help for quite some time. Yahoo! is providing some decent resource links for us.

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SOME WELCOME BACK GROANERS

When my son was small, his teacher told him the human body was made up of mostly water. He couldn't go to the bathroom for almost a week!

"Melanie says I take everything too literally."
"What makes her say that?"
"Her brain and her mouth."

Did you hear about the cat burglars who broke into the theater that was running a popular Broadway play? They stole the props, the costumes, the scripts, the curtains, the lighting, even the makeup! Other thiefs gave them a standing ovation, because they really stole the show.

A farmer's son married the neighboring farmer's daughter. At the ceremony, instead of lighting a unity candle, they each poured a little cream from their respective dairies into the same bowl. You could say they were cream-mated.

After months of digging in Norway, the archeological team finally uncovered an ancient statue of Thor, god of thunder in Norse mythology. It was a magnificent sight, and there where Thor's eyes would normally be, sat two giant rubies. Well, both archeologists involved in the dig, of international renown, vowed that each would have their name associated with the finding of such giant gems. The argument turned ugly, and soon the two men were at each other, tooth and nail. The fight lasted for hours. When the dust cleared, both archeologists were lying flat in the dirt, unconscious. One worker turned to the other and said, "Well, that was a fight for Thor eyes."

[retold from the originals in JokeMaster]

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WORDS for YOUR WEEK: "Learn to say 'no.' It will be of more use to you than being able to read Latin." (Charles Spurgeon)

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