Friday, May 22, 2009

Late Night Jokes

Time for a quick sweep of what the late-night talking heads have been making jokes about, since I don't get to stay up and watch them anymore.


"President Obama found a quick way to close Guantanamo Bay ... he's going to turn it into a Pontiac dealership."

"The Somali pirate on trial in Manhattan was indicted on ten charges of piracy yesterday. His bail was set at 100 doubloons."

"And according to a Rasmussen poll, when asked if English should be America's official language, 85% of the people said, 'Si'."

"President Obama appointed Utah's Republican Governor Jon Huntsman to be the ambassador to China, part of the president's strategy to get every Republican out of the country by 2010."

"Last week the FDA scolded General Mills for claiming that Cheerios lowers your cholesterol by 10%. Well, they're not stopping there. Today, under pressure, Captain Crunch admitted that he lied about his military record."

"On Saturday, President Obama went to Malia and Sasha's soccer games. He rode to the games on Minivan One."

"A Georgia man is recovering in Pittsburgh after becoming the first U.S. recipient of a double hand transplant. Got two hands transplanted from another guy. He used them for the first time today to grab his heart when he saw the bill."

"The government is now recommending that schools stay open even if they have a confirmed case of swine flu. I love it. In one week, the swine flu has gone from the end of the world to not as bad as snow."

[stolen politely from Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson, and David Letterman]


Have a good, long weekend. I'll see you on Monday with a Memorial Day post.



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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "We put our best foot forward, but it's the other one that needs the attention." (Reverend William Sloane Coffin, Junior)

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