Friday, April 17, 2009

Robot Dog


How about a story that relies on the kindness of strangers?

To little robots, that is.

Kacie Kinzer is a student pursuing a graduate thesis at New York University. She built a small fleet of simple little disposable robots she calls "tweenbots." Because their sole purpose is to go *between* one place and another.

The catch is they can only move in straight lines and depend upon passing pedestrians to help them along the way. It's a cute little story. Almost makes me wish I lived in New York so I could observe.

Almost.

Okay, not at all. But still, it's cute.

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Those of you who recall my declarations that I'd never use a cell phone know my word means nothing. But this time I want you to hold me to it when I say that I will never, under any circumstances, get a robot dog. (Also, keep me away from an iPod Nano; I'm afraid I could accidentally swallow it.)

Sure, I could see why someone might want a robot dog - you could leave it alone for days on end, they don't chew toys, furniture or each other, and they don't emit anything that might lead you to need the services of someone with "The Ruginator" printed on the side of his van.

Also, they would never need a retainer, unlike my family's black Labrador, Lily, whose teeth were growing in wrong and needed a specially-molded piece of plastic grafted to them, at a price that would indicate it was made via a process involving cold fusion. It's developments such as these that leave thoughtful pet owners wondering, "Do vets *ever* stop laughing at us?"

Vet: Mr. Jones, I'm afraid we're going to have to encase Buster in solid gold.

Pet Owner: Where do I sign?

I never once wished Lily was a robot, and not just because of the chance she could turn out to be the advance scout for an unstoppable robot army. No, I don't want a robot dog because a robot, while no doubt lovable in that way a particularly reliable coffee pot might be lovable, never tends to do any of the following endearing activities done by real dogs:

- They will never stare at you with a cocked head, as if to say, "I'm curious as to why you're not rubbing me anywhere."

- They will never come up to you while you're sleeping on the couch and lick the Cheetos crumbs off your face with a tongue the size of a yam.

- They will never defend you against bears. (I've heard of this happening, though I think my dogs would only be effective if the bear happened to trip over them.)

And finally, a robot dog would never win a "Beautiful Pet Contest" like the one in which we just entered Lily, along with our golden retriever, Annie. Sure, a robot dog might come in handy when it comes to fetching the robot newspaper and scaring off robot intruders ... but will it ever be a "beautiful pet"?

Also, will it ever be able to play over 1,000 digital songs? I'm just asking.


[copyright 2005 by Peter Chianca, via Mikey's Funnies. Permission is granted to forward to others, but only with attribution and never for commercial use]

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Two meetings tomorrow morning, of which only one will get my full attention, I'm afraid. And then my band - well, the vocal part, anyway, which includes me - plays at a coffeehouse in Farmington Hills. So another busy Saturday, but good busy, y'know?

I'll see you on Monday.

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WEB SITE of the WEEK: Next weekend my band is playing another regional "Iron Sharpens Iron" Conference for Men in Lansing, Michigan ... during this time, we play several hymns. Which leads me to this week's site. At http://www.cyberhymnal.org/, you can find "author bios, composer biographies, hymn histories and gospel songs from many denominations" plus a cheesy MIDI file to give you an idea of what the hymn melody sounds like. They have more than 10,000 hymns and versions of hymns.

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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." (Virginia Woolf)

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