Monday Groaners

It's the last day of March and it looks like the month is "going out like a lion" since it came in "like a lamb" with very nice weather, indeed. Today we get thunderstorms.

So, for some reason, that puts me in a mood for groaners. Well, that and the fact I've been lazy and just kind of kicked back on Sunday and didn't find anything interesting on the Web to tell you about.

Enjoy.

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YOUR MONDAY GROANERS

Did I tell you about the little cannibal student who was expelled from school for buttering up his teacher?

A cab driver's verse was stunning.
His poems were all filled with bad punning.
Metric feet were a flop,
'Cause they just wouldn't stop.
So he said that his meter was running.

Do elves make sandwiches with shortbread?

Can you fix a broken pizza with tomato paste?

What could possibly be worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.

Why was the letter damp? It had come postage dew.

Did Maxwell Smart call his shoe phone a walkie-talkie?

Finally, there's the story of the customer who complained at her local deli about the outrageous price of pickles. The proprietor explained that it wasn't the pickles that were so expensive, it was the brine in which they were bottled. "You see," he explained, "dill waters run steep."

[JokeMaster and the last one from my friend Dave A. at Monday Fodder]

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WORD for YOUR WEEK: Maybe I've done this one before, but just where did that phrase, "raining cats and dogs" come from? A quick bit of research reveals four - count 'em, four - possible origins, all from the mid-1600s to mid-1700s. One says that at one time folks believed that cats controlled the weather and dogs were symbols of a storm, this belief having been handed down from the Vikings. Another, more grisly story, says that butchers used a good rain to clean out their stalls and floors and bits and pieces of dogs and cats and various other animals were washed out down the gutters. A third origin tale says dogs and cats would often find a soft bed and comfort lying in the thatching that lay on the roofs of most shelters. A hard rainstorm would chase them down off the roofs, looking for dryer spots, and thus it seemed they were falling from the sky as they jumped off the low roofs. My favorite origin says that with the wind whipping and howling and moaning and the thunder crashing and lightning crackling, it sounded as if the weather was at war with itself. This origin says the original phrase was "it's raining *like* cats and dogs," meaning two things that don't play well with each other, and thus describing the fierce weather.

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