It's time to start my annual series on "Random Acts of Thinking." This is a perennial reader favorite that I run five times each year.
Or maybe it's just one of my favorites.
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RANDOM ACTS OF THINKING, 2008
Part the First
So the other day my wife was looking at our wedding album, then she looked closely at me. Then she told me she figures there's about 40 pounds of me she's not legally married to.
Sometimes I'll go to the symphony even if I don't need the sleep.
At my age, my number one fashion question is, "Can you nap in it?"
My marriage is like a giant game of chess.
Sure wish I knew how to play chess.
I need to find a new job. I've just about had it with the photo lab. All the negativity is getting me down.
I'm not a very good multi-tasker, unless you count sleeping, dreaming, and snoring all at the same time. If you do, I'm brilliant!
Time marching on wouldn't be so bad if it didn't trample all the flowers.
Did I tell you about the monastery that failed its safety inspection? It had no friar escapes.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, and in a convertible.
At an "all you can eat" restaurant, would they kick you out for eating less than you can?
One time I was stopped for speeding. The police said, "You know, the speed limit is only 55 miles per hour." I said, "I know, but I wasn't going to be out that long."
I used to think the whole world was against me, but I found out a few of the smaller countries are remaining neutral.
If I'm ever injured, don't give me artificial respiration. I want the real thing, gosh darn it.
And while I'm on that subject, if my life is ever in jeopardy, don't forget to put your answer in the form of a question.
The secret to my success? I make of list of things not to do, then I check them off as I don't do them.
I used to use clichés like they were going out of style.
[grabbed, gotten, gathered, gleaned, and gobbled up from Shoe, Charlie's Chuckles, Hallmark's Maxine, Real Life Adventures, Ruminations, Holt Art, Octane Creative, Steven Wright, Jim Loy, and the gummed up mind of Mark Raymond]
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Hitting another rough stretch of too much work here. Ten hours Wednesday, eleven hours yesterday, thirteen hours today, and another eight tomorrow. I think I'll sleep most of Sunday after church. Which means I'll see you on Monday.
Mark
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WEB SITE of the WEEK: The average person needs to consume about 2,000 to 2,500 calories per day to maintain their weight. (Nutrition trivia: For most, fifty percent of that should be carbohydrates, thirty percent proteins, and twenty percent fats. That's 400 calories from fat, people. At nine calories per gram of fat, that's a whopping 45 grams of fat per day and you'll still be within standard nutritional guidelines.) But hey, if you want a snack of, say, 200 calories, (or about 10% of your daily dose of munchies) how much is that? You can get a good look at what that actually looks like at http://www.wisegeek.com/what-does-200-calories-look-like.htm.
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WORDS for YOUR WEEKEND: "Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." (Albert Einstein)
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