Commercial Education

So I watched a little network television tonight, and I forced myself to sit through the commercials (well, most of them, anyway), and here's what I learned:

• If I buy a Jeep^®, a hot blond will want me.
• If I'm under 25 years old and anorexic, Old Navy's new line of blue jeans will look great on me.
• There is now a hair spray for salads. I guess the lettuce was looking just too limp.
• My children will get really mouthy with me - in a good way - if I buy them a "Go" phone.
• Chickens can drive a car.
• Even if I subscribe to Comcast's new telephone service, I'll still be an idiot.
• Eating Jello's "Fruit Passion" flavor will make me dance in public and my clothes will turn into something hip and fashionable.
• If I buy a Honda^®, a hot brunette will want me.

This is why my finger usually finds the "mute" button during commercials or, if I'm just grazing, I'll move on to a channel with something I want to watch.

Though now I'm wondering which car I have to buy to get a hot readhead to want me.

Oh, wait, I already have that. Lucky me!